Duchess Digest: Burning Bridges

burning-bridgesWe’ve all heard the expression, “don’t burn your bridges.” While this tends to be a good rule of thumb in business, client relationships, friendships and sometimes even personal relationships, it appears to me that this can also be detrimental advice in some instances.

Case in point; the ex. I always think it’s a great sign when two people who were very committed to each other at some point were able to end things amicably. It shows a lot of maturity and respect on both sides and to me is a demonstration of an actual “real” love, because each person handles the break-up honorably and kindly. But when things are broken off too amicably, you can have the hovering ex syndrome. You know, the ex that still calls, still hangs out often, still is a really good friend. Does that work? Will it ever work? While it’s good to end things on a respectful note, I think it’s usually more important to make sure and end them.

I’ve never been good at this.

And it’s come back to bite me in the rear more times than I can count. I try to end things so amicably that inevitably the ex ends up back in my life, be it months or even years later. And while it’s fine for a moment, I think it’s bad in the long-run. There seems to be something, at least in my particular case, with my exes that makes them usually not realize what we have until it’s over. I’m sure this isn’t unique to just me; but why is it that so many of these men are half in, half out until you’re finally so fed up that  you’re just completely out? Why are so many men infected with the “don’t know what you got till it’s gone” disease?

I’m sure this doesn’t apply to all of men; I’ve certainly had a few good examples in my own life and the lives of girlfriends, of great men who loved the one they were with when they were with them. But I feel many men seem to only realize they had a good thing going after it’s gone (okay ladies too, but I’m talking about our gentlemen counterparts in this article, and since it’s my article, I can do that!). Ultimately this usually means the person is gone for good, because the girl has moved on, met someone else, or has had enough time to realize, better to have loved and lost and now be single, then to go through that b.s. again with the same guy!

So I ask you ladies, married, single, dating or otherwise, why is it sometimes the hardest thing in relationships to know which bridges to cross and which bridges to burn?

–Jill Brown

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: www.theduchessguide.com


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