Duchess Digest: Playing Favorites

choicesWe’ve all seen the terribly annoying commercials that every cell phone company has for their “Top Five Favorites.”. But after you’ve muted these incredibly irksome advertisements, have you given any thought to who is in your top five?

We human beings are interesting creatures, often keeping close to us relationships that no longer serve to enrich or improve our lives. Yet we cling to these familiar people and patterns, refusing to let go or move forward. We hold on when we could stand to let go.

Not sure if you’re holding when you should be folding? Try this exercise on for size:

Step One: List the five qualities that are most important to you in a person.

Step Two: List the following five things in order of importance to you; A) Financial Freedom, B) Romantic Relationship, C) Health, D) Power/Influence and E) Respect.

Step Three: List the five biggest goals you have – your big, huge, pipedream goals. Step Four: List the five people you spend the most amount of time with (not wishful thinking, but honest to God real amount of in-their presence time).

Now look at your list. Do the five people you have listed possess an abundance of any of the qualities you most want to develop? Would they rank the same things as being important to them, that you listed as important to you in step two? What about your goals?

Do they know about those big, beautiful dreams or yours? If not, you should share! Or think seriously about why you’re spending so much time with people you aren’t willing to open up to. If they do know your dreams, are they supportive? Do they help build you up or work to tear you down?

If you’re asking yourself why this matters, well, I’ll tell you why. Jim Rohn is quoted as having said, “We are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with.”

I have found this to be very true.

You will rise to the occasion or sink to lowest denominator. So are you spending the most time with people who emulate the values and goals you’d like to achieve?

They don’t have to be a spot on match but if the majority of your time is spent with pessimists, or those who speak and live in lack, and you’re trying to see the glass half-full – you’re going to have a hard time being a budding optimist. It may be time to rearrange your schedule to invest the most time in the people and relationships that best serve and support who you are and where you want to go.

Oh, and don’t forget to do a little self-examination for how you measure up as a supporter of your top five. It’s all about give and take!

–Jill Brown


Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: www.theduchessguide.com