Ken Solin Speaks on Anger Management — for Your Guy
I was asked to address the issue of men and anger here in SingleMindedWomen.com. As much as this topic befuddles the women who love them, imagine the distress felt by the men who lives are disrupted because they aren’t able to address, let along control, their tempers.
I was a poster boy for male anger well into my 40s, until I joined a men’s group 16 years ago. I had a huge chip on my shoulder and an explosive temper, and it was only after being questioned about my tough-guy attitude that I realized I viewed the world through the eyes of a hurt little boy who had suffered physical and verbal abuse from his father. That unresolved pain flared up frequently, and the women I was involved with either endured it or left. Most endured it far too long, which allowed me to avoid facing the issue.
Since childhood, my anger had alienated me from men as well as women. Nearing the half-century mark in my life, I was all alone because I was too afraid of men to share my story. I stuffed my pain, thinking it was gone, but it had only gone underground.
For over a decade and a half, I have heard stories from other men, startlingly similar to my own.
I was one of the lucky ones. With the caring and support of the seven other men in the group and a lot of hard work, I was able to explore my relationship with my father—whom I couldn’t trust—and come to understand why I had never trusted men. Delving into my relationships with my mother and sister helped me uncover the roots of my attitude towards women, and eventually change it.
So, yes, you can help the guy in your life who pushes you back because of the pain he’s feeling.
Author, The Key to the Men’s Room (release date: October 1, 2008)