On What a Man Wants

The other day I was sitting at my desk when the phone rang. I knew instantly it was a wrong number.  But, by the time I said the name of the company, the man on the other line perked up.  After 25 minutes of discussing the pros and cons of online dating, the caller posed a question that I think only single women can answer. ..”What Traits Are Women Really Looking For in a Man?” So, here is the follow up email from this caller (unedited):

Well I have to laugh when I think how I miss dialed my vender’s phone number this morning and reached you at “Singlemindedwoman.” I just wanted to drop you a quick note and let you know it was nice speaking with you and you had some great advice about searching for a nice gal. 

I’ve been divorced now for 3 years and have gone on a whole lot of dates, but trying to find another wife sure can be tough.  I’m not jaded, and I’m actually at ease of this process; but it sure takes a lot (too much) time and these $100 dinners keep adding up.

 It seems to me that most women that I come across are not sure what they are looking for.  For example, on Match they’ll say “I enjoy laughing, friends, family, fun…,” I’m pretty sure that can be said for just about everyone, even married couples.  I think you’re right, there’s something to be said for meeting someone in public and making that first eye contact…something that the on-line dating world can’t provide.  It’s that spark and the way you look at each other; a turn of the head, a nice smile, a gentle laugh.  However, in a world that’s so busy (especially here in Southern California) and the use of cell phones, those simple guidelines have taken a back seat.  

 What happened to chivalry?  This whole woman’s’ movement has really changed the dynamics of the husband/wife partnership.  What I had in my mind was a wife that enjoys staying home and baking cookies, taking care of the house, going to the gym, and of course being happy to see me when I get home from a long day in the office.  Leave it to Beaver is not too far from what I had in my mind.  If I were a woman, I would sign up for that program all day long.  However, it seems that the “singlemindedwoman” doesn’t know what she wants.  She enjoys being home but don’t remind her; she enjoys being self sufficient and working, but under her circumstances.   She demands equality, but on her scale.  If you open the door for her, she’ll think you’re chauvinist.  I’ve opened doors for young and old alike and I’m always amazed when they don’t even say “thanks.”  I know it’s not really a big deal and actually having to say something may take a few breaths and take up some valuable time.   

 Of course, I’m sure this is all me and woman have their own side of the story.  Maybe a good web site would be called “forgettryingtofindmissright.com” or “womanaresimplycrazyandyoullneverunderstandthem.com.”  But “singlemindwoman.com” has a nice ring to it as well.

Thanks for hearing me out,


Ladies, we’d love to hear what you have to say. By the way, he sent a photo which I’ll be posting on our community site later this week!

 -Allison O’Connor

Founder, SingleMindedWomen.com