Sex & the Single Woman: 10 Confidence Tips

Alright, gals. We’ve all been there. Mr. Maybe Kinda Sorta Right finally calls us up for a date (not that we were waiting by the phone or anything), and then—BOOM!—we’re hit by a full-scale attack of nerves. Or maybe you’re flying solo and can’t seem to strike up a conversation with a cute and normal guy without breaking a sweat. So relax, and refer to these confidence-boosting tips from my Dating Dossier: Confidence audiobook series.

confidence10 Secrets of Dating Confidence

1. Take it online. If you’re naturally shy, online dating can help you meet people and flirt without the stress that spontaneous, face-to-face contact can bring. Take your time and let your personality shine before you make plans to meet someone in person. Plus, the flood of messages and winks from interested online daters can be a huge confidence boost!

2. Focus on your natural talents. If you’re out at a party or bar and see someone you like, use your skills—a knack for telling jokes, great dance moves, or first-rate mojito-making skills—to reel them in. Being in your own element raises your comfort level and makes you more confident and at ease. You don’t have to be the sexiest guy or girl in the room to catch their interest!

3. Dress for dating success. The right clothes help us carry ourselves more powerfully, and when we look great, we feel great. Dress according to your body shape to highlight your best features, and opt for colors that enhance your complexion. You’ll gain a natural glow and look sexy and sophisticated.

4. Visualize your perfect date. Before your date, imagine how you see the evening unfolding—what you talk about, what you’re eating, how you interact with each other. By running through exactly what might occur, and allowing yourself to imagine just how great it could turn out, you’ve pre-experienced the achievement of your goal, a great date. This is already giving you the confidence that it can be achieved, so you can take one more moment to enjoy the feeling you get from that successful date.

5. Relax. Chill out before your date with a relaxation exercise. Try visualizing a moment in which you achieved great success—such as a winning goal, or a big school award. Recapture the moment in perfect clarity. Revisiting that success can make you feel more confident, because you feel like a natural winner.  

6. Tune in. Music is a fantastic way to pump us up before a date. As you head out to meet your date, cue your iPod to a feel-good playlist comprised of the songs that get your energy going. It could be jazz, it could be rock—just so long as it gets you in a good mood.

7. Follow your nose. Okay, so you look great—but do you smell great too? A subtle scent (don’t be too heavy-handed) can make you more attractive. You should also be sure to practice good grooming—such as wearing deodorant and using mouthwash—so you don’t turn anyone off or feel embarrassed because you’re worried about bad breath.

8. Use flirt-positive body language. Looking away and slumping down in your seat will get you nowhere! To fake confidence, try the open smile poise position: keep your body open (no crossed arms!), sit up with your head straight, and smile naturally.

9. Be a good listener. Feeling tongue-tied? It’s okay to listen! Ask your date positive questions about their favorite activities or experiences, then let them talk away. Don’t interrupt—they’ll love the opportunity to share their stories, and will subconsciously link these favorite moments with you.

10. Remember the law of scarcity. When a date goes well, it’s tempting to want to rush to schedule a second date, or to wait by the phone waiting for their call. Don’t! Think of yourself as a rare, luxury resource. Don’t make yourself available all the time, so your crush can appreciate your value and respect your time.

-Erin xx