Sex & the Single Woman: The Light at the End of the Tunnel Vision
Sometimes I am so blinded in relationships that I tend to forget about my own feelings, and it is only when I am single again that I realize this.
The biggest example of this is a guy I recently dated who we can call Percy. Percy, while a very sweet guy, is a little bit awkward at making relationships happen. When it came to our hot and heavy (not so much) courtship, I felt like I was wearing the pants. And the shirt. And the shoes. Heck, I wore the socks and belt too.
A few months ago we had a requisite talk—we wouldn’t see each other for a few months, he thought we should go on a break (a break from what? We were barely even dating and even that had taken a long time to happen). In my state of tunnel vision, I instantly sank into despair. This was it, we were over, a break might as well be a break-up.
And that was when I saw the light.
Percy is a good guy. I think he honestly liked (likes?) me and made the relationship happen in the best way he knew how. And that’s the problem. I can appreciate a guy who makes a girl work for it a little, but for me it was all give and no take. I hesitated to make any kind of move, worried that it would freak him out and all would be lost.
On top of all of this, I realized I had been justifying this behavior in a self-sacrificing manner. I had let myself believe that his inability to pursue me after the first date was acceptable. Now I have no problem with guys who are shy or who are awkward at times. In fact, I usually find this completely adorable. But a guy also needs to have moments of true courage, and Percy’s were few and far between.
I saw myself not as Percy’s girlfriend, but as someone with whom he could figure out this whole dating/relationship/how to be a proper boyfriend thing. I kept telling myself that eventually he would grow confident, eventually he would become the man in the relationship. And what happened? Right before we quasi-broke up, when he had the chance to step up and tell me he didn’t want to lose me, he did just the opposite. Whether or not he realizes it, he let me go.
I haven’t seen Percy since he left, so I guess I’ll have to wait and see what happens. I know that nothing WILL happen unless he changes, and honestly, who believes a man will change?