Singled Out


I have crossed into a strange and foreign world, the likes of which I haven’t encountered in over a decade. I am single. Not the “kinda-seeing-someone-who’s-not-officially-my-boyfriend-yet” type of single or the “dating-lots-of-new-fun-men” type of single; just plain single. It’s a status that comes with great freedom and pleasure, but sometimes it still feels foreign and strange. I can do anything I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want and no one has any say. That’s pretty cool; most of the time. But it’s still a situation to which I’m adjusting. It’s a new phenomenon in my lifetime.

This new status felt glaringly apparent last weekend when I was invited to dinner by a friend I hadn’t seen since high school in Alaska. He mentioned it was his roommate’s birthday celebration, with lots of people and even some Alaskan friends I’d know. What he didn’t mention was that every single one of the many people there would be with their committed partner or fiancée. In fact one couple had just been engaged that very day. Don’t
get me wrong, I still had a great time. Who doesn’t enjoy eating charred beef with their hands in an Ethiopian restaurant? No seriously – I actually really liked that part. And this group of couples happened to be a bunch of documentary film makers who just completed a project on AIDS in Tanzania; so they were very interesting. They also had great
recommendations in African beer (I recommend “Tusker” – it’s a Kenyan beer – try it- it’s delicious). I had fun and I didn’t mind being the only single girl in the group. It’s just that I would like to have known first so I could’ve approached the evening from an informed perspective. When you aren’t coupling the couples thing can get a little annoying.

So what do you do when you’re new in a city and ready to start dating again? How do you meet interesting and normal men? In the past I always had college, or further in the past religious community, or else very social jobs where meeting people was an inevitable side effect (cocktailing, restaurants and ski resorts to name a few). But I’m years out of college, no longer religiously-affiliated, my day job is in corporate (which means every man is married and older) and my new career path has me surrounded by women. So how do we meet people now? Do we try getting fixed up? How about online dating? A matchmaker? Or do we sign up for different co-ed activities we love?

Well I, for one, am ready to branch out. I have signed up for some co-ed events and am taking a more proactive approach to meeting people in the city. And hey, that’s the great thing about being a writer. I can approach men or try online dating and if it doesn’t work out – I can always say it was an experience for more writing material. More on my adventures in the weeks to come; I’m sure it will prove amusing!

—Jill Brown

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: