The Duchess Digest: Curbside Check-In

baggageHave you ever headed to the airport for a long flight, bags packed to the brim, only to try and wrestle them through the lines alone? If you have, then you know the value of the curbside check-in option. You leave your fabulous bags in the hands of a capable handler at the curb so you can breeze through the airport unencumbered; free to saunter and strut trusting in the system.

How many of us could use this same convenient system as an analogy for our love lives? How many of us hold tightly to our beliefs about what men are and how they act and bring those fabulous little pieces of baggage with us into our new relationships?

We struggle and strain under the awkward weight and bulkiness of the fabulous bags we packed while trying to still move forward and navigate the twists and turns ahead. Wouldn’t it just be easier to check those insecure assumptions or past hurts at the curb, trusting in the system and going forward through the crowds effortless and amazing?

Not so long ago I met a fabulous man. Sparks were flying, the passion was contagious and I was on Cloud Nine. No, I was on Cloud Eleven (that’s two better then nine). It wasn’t too long before he was meeting my friends and he wanted me to meet his.

A dinner bash was scheduled and while my beau buzzed around grilling steaks, I got to know his friends better. I verbally sparred back and forth with the guys trading sarcastic quips, having a blast and enjoying their sharp wit. They were great, with the marked exception of the one token “friend-girl,” who sat on the corner of the couch, arms folded and frowning; only joining the conversation to remind everyone about how great the beau’s ex-girlfriend had been or to throw out jabs like, “God, who would ever want to date a [insert my age here] girl. What do they know about life?”

Queue my baggage.

I have two huge pieces I like to lug around the airport of my life. They are 1) I have NO tolerance for women who are mean to other women and 2) I have no tolerance for men that don’t stand up to friends/family when they are being assholes. That comes from having a father that didn’t stand up for his family.

This friend-girl managed to trigger my two largest baggage items in one short evening (which incidentally ended with me politely excusing myself from the dinner table to go cry).

Mature I know, but here’s the important moral to the story. Was the friend-girl wrong to be such an ugly bully? Absolutely.

But was I wrong to react as I did? Absolutely.

If you can pause and check your bagage at the curb in the moment, you will be able to assertively and correctly handle the twists of any relationship challenge.

(P.S. I’ve found that the most common baggage men carry is that they don’t want to date a drama queen, or in my case that evening, a drama Duchess. So check your baggage and enjoy a struggle free experience of open communication and forfeited assumptions.)

–Jill Brown

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: www.theduchessguide.com