With Valentine’s Day Ominously Looming …Should Single Moms Settle For Mr. Good Enough?

Let me preface this by saying one thing–I have never enjoyed Valentine’s Day, as a single or married woman. I think the holiday, one brilliantly conceived by money hungry card manufacturers and chocolatiers, tugs mercilessly at the heart strings of every living human being who has a heart pumping blood through their veins. No matter how cerebral you fancy yourself, it is almost impossible not to succumb to the desire to be adored by romantic love interest on Valentine’s Day.

And if G-d Forbid you are single- well then you might as well just draw your shades, tune your television to Lifetime Network for women, which will hopefully be broadcasting a marathon about dirty- no-good for nothing men- and the valiant, courageous women, who are living on their own and getting by just fine! You are a proud single Mother- getting it done-doing the SMW Juggle-kids, job, house, and feeling empowered and pretty darn good about yourself!Sure it would be nice to have a partner in crime- but you’re not going to setttle by any means!

Or you might agree with Lori Gottlieb, a single Mom by choice- who conceived via artifical insemination with a donor, who just penned this very intersting article about, The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough. In it she admits that,

“One of the most complicated, painful, and pervasive dilemmas many single women are forced to grapple with nowadays: Is it better to be alone, or to settle? My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.) “

As a single Mother herself, it’s very interesting that she takes this view of marriage, and even goes as far as to say this

“I don’t mean to say that settling is ideal. I’m simply saying that it might have gotten an undeservedly bad rap. As the only single woman in my son’s mommy-and-me group, I used to listen each week to a litany of unrelenting complaints about people’s husbands and feel pretty good about my decision to hold out for the right guy, only to realize that these women wouldn’t trade places with me for a second, no matter how dull their marriages might be or how desperately they might long for a different husband. They, like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they, like me, realize that marriage ultimately isn’t about cosmic connection—it’s about how having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all. “

How do you feel about that? Would you really rather be married than single?

Melissa Chapman

Family Channel Editor Single MindedWomen