Q. Should I invite my new boyfriend to the holiday party at my new job? The invitation reads “and guest.”

A. You use the word “new” twice when asking your question, which suggests both your boyfriend and your job are very new.

So much depends on your comfort level, with your coworkers and the guy you’re seeing. It may also depend on the setting of the holiday party.

First, let’s address the coworker situation. What happens if you bring Joe to the holiday party and the two of you break up in a few months? Will you be comfortable if people at work ask you about Joe when he is no longer in your life?

Now, consider how Joe will fit in with your coworkers. This includes giving thought to Joe’s social skills. Sure, he may be the life of the party when you’re hanging with your friends, but do his antics have the potential to embarrass you in front of your new boss?

Finally, there’s the event itself. Where will it take place? Is it a casual get-together or a more formal affair? Will Joe be comfortable attending the party? Does he have clothes to wear? You may recall the “Sex and the City” episode where Miranda invites Steve to her office party but Steve doesn’t own a suitable suit. In case you’ve forgotten, the party and suit highlight lifestyle differences and they break up.

Uh oh. But of course this would never happen to you and Joe.

Romance aside, it sounds like you’re confused. And of course the catalyst for all this confusion is the invitation itself. If only it didn’t read, “and guest.”

For what it’s worth, this isn’t only a problem for single women. Many a woman in a committed relationship has lamented over having to bring her significant other to a work-related event.

Then why do employers open the door, literally, to this kind of situation? It’s a good question, and the only explanation is that companies have the best intentions. It’s about the holiday spirit and spreading the joy.

For holiday season 2011, a majority of employers have decided the parties they hold will include employees only, according to a survey conducted by global outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas. However, a full 35 percent of companies are doing what your new employer has done: expanding the guest list to include employees’ partners, significant others, and/or other family members.

In sharing survey results, Challenger, Gray & Christmas raises an interesting point about the holiday party: It’s a great opportunity to connect with your boss on a personal level.

Because you have a new boss, the opportunity is arguably greater. With this in mind, how does Joe fit in?

Finally, the ultimate test is to measure your stress level. Will having Joe in tow make you more or less comfortable at the party? If the answer is less comfortable, just say no to inviting to Joe.

© 2011 SingleMindedWomen.com All rights reserved. Permission to reprint this article must be obtained from SingleMindedWomen.com.

Paula Santonocito, a business journalist specializing in employment issues and author of more than 1,000 articles, has been awarded the Global Career Development Facilitator (GCDF) designation. She is career editor of SingleMindedWomen.com.

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When Hannah was born Sara’s daughter suggested she move to Connecticut so she could take care of the infant when her daughter went back to work. Sara was nervous about making a commitment. “But once I got used to the idea, I realized this is what I wanted to do,” she says.

According to the latest research, (AARP Bulletin Today, Feb. 2, 2009), Sara is one of the 6.2 per million grandparents who have moved in with their adult children. As a member of the household, seniors are likely to assume the taxing and rewarding responsibility of caring for their grandkids either full or part time.

The Granny Nanny Phenomenon

Obligation is not necessarily the reason grandparents are willing to pitch in. The economic downturn has contributed to the increase in multigenerational households. This arrangement allows working parents to cut down on costly daycare while seniors save on rent.

Certainly there are advantages on both sides when the caregiver is a loving grandparent who has her grandchildren’s best interests at heart. But let’s face it—the job is not for everyone. Granny nannies report many hurdles. Unless the roles and expectations are clear-cut, there are bound to be problems.

Here are some tips should you decide to apply for the job:

Be Realistic

The kids’ needs come first. Sacrifices have to be made. In the example above, Sara has learned to sandwich her work and social engagements around Hannah’s schedule. It means going backwards to the time you were raising your own children. Only times have changed and you have been out of the loop.

Your Need for Privacy

Sara is fortunate that her children can offer her separate living accommodations. At the end of the day, she shuts the door and her daughter and son-in-law take over. “There is no question that my kids want me to be a part of their life, but I explained I need my own space,” she says. It is important to carve out some area in the house that you can call your own when you are sharing living quarters.

Establish Boundaries

It is easy to fall into the pattern of being too available and become resentful if you are doing too much. Define tasks and set limits. Will your responsibilities include shopping and meal preparation? Sue G. has been a granny nanny for nine years. She has cared for her three grandchildren since infancy. “Everyone knows my evenings and weekends are my own. When there is a special occasion, I expect my son and daughter-in-law to give me plenty of notice so I can adjust my plans,” she says.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open

A grandparent who assumes responsibility for a grandchild is accountable to the parents. She has to know their rules and try to abide by them. “It’s not the same as when you had your own children and you laid down the law. Discipline can be a problem if parents and grandparent are not on the same page,” Sue explains. “Trust is a biggie. I told my kids, ‘Look I ‘m always with the children. I need to have some authority and I need you to back me up.’”

Networking to Avoid Loneliness

Older caregivers who take care of young children often complain about social isolation. They spend much of their time alone or with much younger parents who have very different ideas about child rearing. One solution is to join a senior caregiver support group; another is connecting with other granny nannies on websites like Grandparents.com.

Staying in Good Shape

Sara has a back problem that she admits has been exacerbated by lifting Hannah and her gear in and out of the car, yet she chuckles about her son-in-law’s gift for Mother’s Day: Five sessions with a masseuse. It can be exhausting watching children all day. When it becomes too much, call in the troops and ask for time off.

Divided Loyalties

Today’s seniors are healthier, living longer and leading very active lives. According to the 2000 U.S. Census, there are more multi-generations than ever before. As a result, the granny nanny may find herself part of the “club sandwich generation,” i.e., living with grown children and responsible for grandkids.

Without doubt, it is difficult to do it all. But according to women like Sue and Sara who have opted to become granny nannies, this is the most important thing they are doing with their lives. “It’s my joy,” exclaims Sara. “I do this for me,” Sue chimes in.

Marsha A. Temlock, M.A., writes about family relationships. She is the author of “Your Child’s Divorce: What to Expect… What You Can Do” (Impact Publishers).

________________________________________________________________________

© 2011 SingleMindedWomen.com All rights reserved. Permission to reprint this article must be obtained from SingleMindedWomen.com.

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Money vs. Job Satisfaction: How to Choose

The fun and friendly co-workers, the teammates who helped you meet deadlines and goals, the boss who encouraged and supported you—these are the people you remember.

Similarly, you also remember the office gossiper, the team member who never contributed anything except aggravation, and of course you’ll never forget the boss from hell.

Yet, what do you look for when you’re seeking a new job?

If you’re like most people, you’re focused on finding a position where you can use your skills and abilities and earn a competitive salary. Benefits likely factor in, as do perks. Advancement potential, which includes the opportunity to learn and grow, may also be high on your list.

While these things are important and should be part of your assessment experience (for you should be assessing a potential employer just as an employer assesses you), don’t forget to consider the people when you’re deciding whether to work at Company XYZ.

Did the staff members you meet seem friendly? Were they obviously into their jobs? Did you get a positive feeling when you interacted with everyone from the receptionist to the human resources representative to your would-be boss?

Or did you come away with concerns about workplace morale, employee work ethic, and possibly more?

As you may have already learned, Workplace Shangri-La doesn’t exist. However, if you’re getting bad vibes based on the people you met during the interview process you may want to pass on the job at Company XYZ.

In a conversation with SMW, Rob McGovern, founder and CEO of Jobfox, noted that people work an average of 10,000 days during the course of a lifetime.

That’s a lot of time spent with coworkers. With this in mind, when deciding whether to accept a new position—or, for that matter, stay at your current company—you’ll want to ask yourself, “What about the peeps?”

© 2011 SingleMindedWomen.com All rights reserved. Permission to reprint this article must be obtained from SingleMindedWomen.com.

Paula Santonocito, a business journalist specializing in employment issues and author of more than 1,000 articles, holds a Workforce Career Coach Facilitator (WCCF) certificate from Thomas Edison State College. She is career editor of SingleMindedWomen.com.

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Paula Santonocito, Global Career Development Facilitator (GCDF), is now available for individual career coaching via email or phone.

Paula has been awarded the GCDF designation from the Center for Credentialing and Education (CCE) and holds a Workforce Career Coach Facilitator (WCCF) certificate from Thomas Edison State College.

A recognized career expert, she is editor of the SingleMindedWomen Career channel, editorial director of Workplace 411®, and author of more than 1,000 articles on employment and career issues.

Paula has been a guest on radio programs, most recently in Washington, D.C., Chicago, Los Angeles, and Seattle. She was also recently quoted in New York, Philadelphia, and Boston newspapers, and quoted in an article that appeared at CNN.com and MSN. Her SingleMindedWomen.com article, “2010: Top 10 Cities for Single Women,” and its in-depth research, which examines career and other opportunities in major United States cities, was covered by NBC.

Ask a Question via Email

Paula Santonocito, Global Career Development Facilitator (GCDF), will provide an email answer to one career or job search question: $29.95

Instructions:

1. Submit the $29.95 fee via PayPal.
   1. When at PayPal, click on Send Money and enter allisono@singlemindedwomen.com in the “To” box.
   2. All payments must be in U.S. dollars.
2. After submitting payment, send Paula your question by clicking here.
3. Provide brief background information about your work or job search situation. Include only one question.
4. Use a private email address, as opposed to a company address.

Guarantee: All information will remain confidential.

Schedule a Virtual Coaching Session

Paula Santonocito, Global Career Development Facilitator (GCDF), will meet with you via phone for a 45-minute confidential career coaching session: $89.95

Instructions:

1. Submit the $89.95 fee via PayPal.
   1. When at PayPal, click on Send Money and enter allisono@singlemindedwomen.com in the “To” box.
   2. All payments must be in U.S. dollars.
2. After submitting payment, request a virtual coaching session by clicking here.
3. Provide your phone number and information about your availability.
4. Paula will respond with time options.
5. You both will confirm the appointment.

Session Guidelines:

1. Make sure your coaching session doesn’t take place while you are on the job.
2. To obtain maximum benefit from the session, choose a time when you will have no distractions.

Guarantee: All information will remain confidential.

Career assistance is only a click away. Why not contact Paula today?

Finally, there’s a robust career tool for everyone. AP Workplace Media, a B2B provider of leading-edge workplace communication products and related services, has launched the inaugural issue of Workplace 411®, the first digital magazine devoted exclusively to the needs of employees.

Designed to serve as an extension of a company’s HR and training departments, and to supplement EAP offerings, the bi-monthly magazine provides employees with solutions to everyday workplace and career questions, allowing people to make a greater contribution to the organizations for which they work.

Workplace 411 features expertly-written articles, dynamic graphics, and compelling video clips intended to engage and motivate employees.

Magazine content is relevant for most workplaces, but has been created with Fortune 500 corporations in mind.

Workplace 411, which can be accessed at the AP Workplace Media website, is available at no charge. Companies that would like to offer the magazine to their employees may request a widget from AP Workplace Media for placement on their corporate intranet.

Co-branding opportunities for employers, EAPs or other providers of employee services are also available.

Why not download your free copy of Workplace 411 today? You’ll also want to share it with your staff and coworkers.

In 2009, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist Nicholas Kristof eloquently pointed out that our economy might be in a very different place had it been Lehman Sisters and Brothers rather than merely Lehman Brothers. In his piece “Mistresses of the Universe,” Kristof highlights how Wall Street is a place “where senior staff meetings resemble the waiting room at a urologist’s office.”

As someone who spent a brief (and not entirely happy) period of time in NYC working for a global investment bank in the early 1990s, I concur with Kristof’s analysis. So when I first heard about Nina Godiwalla’s new book, Suits: A Woman on Wall Street, I couldn’t wait to see what, if anything, had changed since my days in the hood.

Billed as The Devil Wears Prada meets Liar’s Poker, Godiwalla’s Suits provides a lively, heartfelt insider’s perspective on investment banking delivered from an outsider’s point of view. It also presents a poignant and insightful snapshot of an immigrant family with big dreams. Suits is a gripping read, especially if you’re of multi-cultural heritage or interested in why there are so few women in the upper echelons of high finance. Quite literally, I could not put this book down. It hit on all the issues I personally struggled with — wanting (unsuccessfully) to fit into a culture that is profoundly male in every way, shape, and form — while also wanting to earn the same financial fruits from my intellect that the men were.

Nina is no ordinary young woman. She’s an academic superstar. Nina has an MBA from Wharton School of Business, an MA focused in Creative Writing from Dartmouth, and a BBA from University of Texas. After spending a decade working for blue chip Fortune 500 firms like Morgan Stanley and Johnson & Johnson, she currently lives in Austin, TX where she runs MindWorks, a consultancy providing stress management and meditation training to corporations and other professional organizations. Nina speaks nationally on leadership and diversity in the workplace and has been featured in several major publications, including USA Today, ABC News, and Bloomberg Businessweek.

Reading Suits brought many questions to mind – and here Nina is kind enough to answer them:

Early on in the book you describe a group outing with peers from work where you ate little and consumed no alcohol – and your surprise at being told your portion of the “shared” bill would be $130. Did your peers ever talk about their personal finances and if so, in what way?

Several of my peers came from very wealthy backgrounds.  Some even had their parents pay most of their bills and used their sizeable investment banking paycheck as spending money. Since they didn’t have to worry much about money, there was little conversation around it. At the time, I envied them.

You describe arriving on Wall Street for your first internship with 4 suits and 2 pairs of shoes. Of the clothes you had brought from Texas you said, “My 100% polyester hounds tooth TJ Maxx suit stood out like sweatpants at a wedding.” In the world of Wall Street do you feel your external appearance was judged more harshly because you are a woman or because you are Persian-Indian?

Being a minority or woman in investment banking, where there are few, is similar to walking into a cocktail party where you don’t know anyone. It’s not impossible to navigate; however it takes more effort. As a woman or minority, you often have to prove yourself rather than getting the benefit of the doubt. Since the industry is so focused on perception, the way you dress and carry yourself plays just as important a role as your work.

At one point in the book you reflect back upon the benefits of working part-time at the mall while you were in high school, saying “Money bought me the ability to make more of my own choices.” After your experience on Wall Street how do you feel about the role of money in your life today?

Money can buy you a certain level of independence, and I’m grateful I have the education and means to provide for my family. Not everyone has that. But money has its limits. In New York it often felt like no amount of money is enough. There’s typically a ladder you’re climbing and someone’s always ahead of you. I remember some colleagues getting depressed during bonus time because their bonuses (even when they were in the millions) were lower than their counterparts. Money is important to me, but I don’t want to get mixed up in allowing it to define me.

After months of grueling 80 plus hour work weeks you pondered, “I was beginning to wonder how to redefine success. Until now, I’d just assumed that people who had money, prestige, and power lived perfect happy lives. If they didn’t, why would so many people, including my parents and many from my Parsi community, spend a lifetime inching closer and closer to these things?” How do you define success now?

Now, my definition of success is more balanced. Unlike before, happiness now plays a major factor. There’s a certain threshold of money needed to keep me content and after that, there is a diminishing return.

Towards the end of the book you say, “In college, I would’ve laughed at the idea that being in business could be different for women than for men, but only a few weeks into my Morgan Stanley experience, I completely understood.” What advice would you give a woman leaving college and starting a career in business today and would that advice differ if she was of recent immigrant heritage?

I’d heard the banking experience would be “challenging,” but I didn’t expect it’d be so hard to break into a conversation of men in their late 40’s sharing their rowing memories from their East Coast summer camps.  My advice to anyone who’s not part of the majority (women or minority) is to make an extra effort to build a strong, strategic network of people who support you. Now, when I start a new job, I set up one-on-one meetings with people all over the company.  Doing a good job will be expected of you, but it’s the relationships that help you succeed.

For more on Suits and on Nina, visit her website and her Facebook page.

Have you worked in financial services?  If so, what has your experience been?

© 2011 SingleMindedWomen.com All rights reserved. Permission to reprint this article must be obtained from SingleMindedWomen.com.

Want more financial love? You can follow Women’s Financial Literacy Initiative founder, Manisha Thakor, on Twitter at @ManishaThakor, sign up to get her email updates delivered right to your inbox here, and enroll in her innovative new online personal finance course called “Money Rules.”

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Men Choose High-Paying Majors

It may not be as simple as it looks, but OnlineDegrees.orghas compiled some interesting facts on the role of majors in the gender wage gap. You may have your reasons for choosing English over engineering, but it’s clear that the majors men choose tend to earn more than majors that are traditionally dominated by women. The highest-paying major dominated by men, for example, is aviation with a median salary of $123,228.48. However, if we look at the same picture for women, it’s a different story: the highest-paying major with 75% or more degrees going to women is public health, which pays a median salary of $60,065.12. That’s less than half of the aviation salary – not the most encouraging statistic for women. Even if you level the playing field and compare the average man’s salary to the average woman’s, the wage gap persists: the average man makes $11,543.74 more money each year.

More Women Earning Degrees, Fewer Women Earning Dough

Even though women earned 58% of all undergraduate degrees awarded in 2008, they’re earning less money on average than men. While it’s true that a college degree increases your chances of earning a good salary, that’s obviously not the end of the story. It matters which degree you choose, and it’s unlikely that women are getting all the information they need to make a good decision. Colleges make a profit no matter which major a student chooses, and often, they’re trying to keep unpopular departments open by encouraging students to join them. They aren’t going to dissuade anyone from pursuing a degree just because it’s associated with a low salary. It’s up to women to educate themselves about the median salaries of the majors they choose, and even if making money isn’t the top priority, it’s still important to earn a dependable salary.

The Breakdown: Top 10 Earning Majors

Out of the top ten highest-earning majors, none are dominated by women, which means that the degrees women choose are far lower in the salary hierarchy. In most cases, these high-paying majors are completely dominated by men – in 7 out of the top 10 majors, over 75% of the degrees go to men. These majors are aviation, aerospace engineering, computer engineering, engineering, nuclear engineering, information technology, and electrical engineering. The remaining three of the top 10 majors are roughly equalized between men and women: business administration, business, and economics. It’s obvious that engineering fields are dominated by men, so now it’s up to the ladies to change that.

© 2011 SingleMindedWomen.com All rights reserved. Permission to reprint this article must be obtained from SingleMindedWomen.com.

Maria Rainier is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at First in Education, where she’s been looking into the data on the gender wage gap to see if it can be explained through women choosing lower paying degrees and men choosing higher paying degrees. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.

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Although a survey conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) finds approximately 25 percent of companies have some form of policy that prohibits or strongly discourages workplace dating, single women and others continue to view the workplace as a place to socialize—and socializing often leads to romance.

Cupid in the Cubes

Indeed, the 2011 Office Romance Survey from Vault.com, a leader in career intelligence, finds 59 percent of employees have engaged in an office romance, whether a long-term serious relationship, an ongoing but casual relationship or a random office hook-up—or more than one of these.

Not surprising, more men than women reported (or at least admitted to) participating in a random office hook-up, 23.3 percent men as opposed to 15.44 percent women.

Industry seems to factor into whether you’ll find love (or lust) in the workplace. The top industries for workplace romance, according to Vault’s survey, are publishing; advertising; marketing; real estate; and human resources, respectively. The five industries with the least lovin’ are graphic arts and design; fashion; agriculture and food; transportation and logistics; and accounting, respectively.

Past Experience

Survey respondents who said they had participated in an office romance were asked if it impacted their personal or professional relationships with other coworkers. Seventy (70) percent of respondents said no, but 30 percent said yes.

Several of the comments from “yes” respondents are worth noting:

-          “It created tension inside the office and jealousy.”

-          “People’s gossip took a toll on my managerial capacity. My subordinates were not as respectful as they were once they found out.”

-          “It is very difficult to keep yourself out of the gossip pool once rumors begin to spread.”

Vault also asked respondents if, based on past experience, they would participate in a workplace romance again. Sixty-three (63) percent of respondents said yes, while 37 percent said no. However, while 67.13 percent of men who had previously engaged in an office romance said they would do it again, only a little more than half of women, 55.7 percent, said they would again participate in an office romance.

Worst Case Scenario

As tempting as it may be, a workplace romance can prove disastrous to your career. Among people who engaged in an office romance, 18 percent responding to Vault’s survey said an office romance had caused them or the other person to leave the company; 7.73 percent of men left a company because of an office romance, while women left almost twice as often: 13.21 percent of the time. 

Consider several of the comments from women survey respondents who voluntarily left or were fired from their jobs because of a workplace romance:

-          “I was involved with a senior partner at a large law firm. He ended the relationship in a very cruel way, and I got to the point where I simply couldn’t stand to be anywhere near him.”

-          “My boyfriend and I got fired because of our relationship.”

-           “I am the woman, so of course I ended up leaving!”

Apparently, when it comes to your career, love does not conquer all.

© 2011 SingleMindedWomen.com All rights reserved. Permission to reprint this article must be obtained from SingleMindedWomen.com.

Paula Santonocito, GCDF is a business journalist specializing in employment issues and the author of more than 1,000 articles on a wide range of career and human resource topics. A certified career expert, she holds a Workforce Career Coach Facilitator (WCCF) certificate from Thomas Edison State College and has been awarded the Global Career Development Facilitator (GCDF) designation from the Center for Credentialing and Education (CCE). She is career editor of SingleMindedWomen.com.

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Thanks to our friends at job search engine Simply Hired, we’ve put together a list of Top Jobs Outside the Cubicle.

Each of these job categories, like all positions, has pros and cons. One of the pros is that currently, for each job category, there are thousands—if not tens of thousands—of openings at Simply Hired.

Meeting and Event Planner

Jobs in this field are great for organized, responsible, and outgoing people who enjoy planning events. Whether you want to be a party planner or a conference/convention planner,  the position will allow you to get out of the office and work on-site at events. Degrees in marketing, business, public relations or related fields are typically preferred.

The work can be stressful at times, and for the unorganized it can be tough to juggle all the details that go into planning a dynamic, successful event.