BB guns are not nearly as popular today as they were in Ralphie’s time, but unfortunately eye injuries are still all too common, particularly at this time of year. In fact, the American Academy of Ophthalmology reminds us that last year alone there were more than 250,000 toy-related injuries treated in U.S. emergency rooms.

So the dilemma for parents is how do we get the kids what they’re hoping to find under the tree and hopefully safeguard them from injury as well?

David Wheeler, MD, pediatric ophthalmologist with the academy suggests, “A good rule of thumb is to choose a toy that is appropriate for your child’s age and abilities.” Consider as well, Wheeler says, the time that you will have to supervise their use of any new toy. “Being aware and thoughtful about what you are putting in your children’s hands is the best preventative medicine.”

It’s no surprise that a serious eye injury can ruin a family’s holiday. Christmas Day spent in a hospital emergency room is not on any parent’s list of hoped for things to do for the holidays. And, you’ll be surprised to learn that over 20% of the eye related toy injuries are suffered by adults trying to figure the toy out or on the receiving end of a misaimed projectile.

The academy gives four important tips for keeping eyes save during the holiday season and all year around.

First, and most importantly, avoid purchasing toys with sharp, protruding or projectile parts.

Second, when there is a potential safety hazard, do your very best to assure your children have appropriate supervision and discuss fully with them the potential dangers.

Third, if you plan to give sports equipment, provide appropriate eye protective gear that has “polycarbonate” lenses.

Fourth, always check product labels for age recommendations and be sure to select gifts that are appropriate for your child’s age and maturity.

In this age of Internet and television marketing children are exposed constantly to toy options that are not appropriate for their age. The only true gatekeeper is you, the parent. This is a role that has become more challenging today than it has perhaps ever been before.

It’s a sober message and not fun to think about over the holidays, but as we all know, eyes are precious. As parents we need to do all that we can to protect them.

_________________________________________

Martin Brown is the Heath Channel Editor for SingleMindedWomen.com, and co-author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right.

His latest book is Fit in 50 Days.

More SMW Dieting Tips

Are You a Nibbler? Curbing Empty Calories

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Staying Motivated with Buddy Workouts

BPA, the common term for Bisphenol-A, is an organic compound used in lots of common products from thermal receipts to plastic sports equipment.  BPA is added to plastics to make the products virtually shatterproof.  These products range from baby bottles to eyeglass lenses.  Plastics made from this compound are also used as a liner in almost all cans and bottles because of its ability to inhibit the growth of bacteria, thus extending the safety and shelf-life of our foods and beverages.

Despite this chemical being in use for almost eighty years, reports began to surface around 2008 associating BPA with lots of ailments from obesity to tumors.  The most recent study draws a conclusion that ingesting BPA during pregnancy causes behavior disorders in children.  The downfall of these studies is they rely on a correlation rather than showing a cause and effect.  It is akin to claiming that increases in crime also cause the sales of ice cream to rise.  This statement is a correlation, because both events are more common during the hottest months of the year, rather than directly related to one another. Without the missing link of realizing those two events are connected by weather, many incorrect conclusions are inferred.

The data many researchers use as “evidence” of BPA ingestion is by detecting it in the urine.  As a physician, this measurement is not of significance because it is excreted from the body, meaning it is unbound and has not remained within to create the metabolic chaos that has been inferred.  By definition, being water soluble and excreted in the urine means the BPA that is measured is not being stored in fat and left to accumulate in our bodies as claimed by some groups.

With this understanding, let us examine the recent report about the exposure of BPA during pregnancy and behavioral problems later reported in children.  This is a correlation and there is no data, at all, that can demonstrate a causative effect.  Additionally, it does not explore other reasons, like the summer months in the example above.  What if we considered that women with higher levels of BPA excretion, were by definition, eating more processed foods?  Could there be reasons that pregnant moms without time to prepare healthful meals, might also be under more stress than say a mom able to nourish her body with fresh fruits and vegetables?  What if her exposure to BPA occurred while working as a cashier?  Could it be possible that a mom working as a cashier (exposed to the BPA from the thermal receipts) might have less time or energy to nurture her children than a stay-at-home mom?  I am NOT stating these are reasons or even that they represent a defined trend.  I am simply suggesting that the investigation be widened to include other possible causes before we blame a chemical that has actually improved most of our lives, literally everyday.

While we are researching this, however, please allow me to share a very real, very prominent danger of living “BPA-free.” In response to the bad-press of BPA, many parents have chosen to forego plastic bottles for their children.  Resultantly, many are drinking from glass bottles.  How do I know?  Because I stitch the faces of these precious angels when their bottle shatters and lacerates their skin.  Sometimes, they only have to endure the trauma of stitches to their hands or arms, but all too frequently they are drinking as they trip and fall resulting in glass shards in their faces.  It still turns my stomach every time.  As I ease their fears and meticulously repair the damage, I listen to the concerns of parents about how big and how permanent these scars will be.  The trauma of receiving stitches takes quite an emotional toll on children and parents alike.

It would be impossible to say that BPA has absolutely no long-term effects, but neither do we have reliable evidence that it is the harmful chemical it has been deemed in headlines meant to drive up ratings rather than improve our understanding.

I DO know the fear of a suspected effect has driven many parents from the physical safety of plastic into the dangerous territory of glass containers.  Scientists created BPA to help solve the problem of containers that shattered and keep us safe from broken glass and plastic.   As I routinely fix the wounds of the children living with the consequences of a “BPA-Free” environment, I can’t help but wonder if avoiding an almost negligent chemical from fear of a potential risk, is really worth scarring a face for life?

Until there is compelling data that uses sound science, rather than fear and correlation to alarm the public, I strongly recommend plastic bottles to avoid the need for plastic surgery.

_______________________________________

A board certified emergency physician, Jennifer Hanes, D.O., discovered that patients have greater success when they understand their bodies.  With that unique philosophy, she founded Empowered Medicine, PLLC, where knowledge is powerful medicine.  She empowers patients with her articles, motivational speeches and private consultations.  You can learn more at www.DrHanes.com

Andrea is 43, a resourceful savvy single divorced mom of two teenage daughters who really trusts her gut. I call that the internal TUG within, that small voice of better judgment that beckons us moms when we tune inward. One day when Andrea was laying down the law to her daughters about having some nighttime weekend parameters and guidelines and trying to enlist them to become part of the decision making, they looked at her and simply said: “Mom, you don’t know what you are talking about. You’re crazy. We both know it and all of our friends know it too. Every one of our friends who has met you thinks you are crazy.” As a single mom with no one to back her up, that really hit her where it hurt and even caused her to question herself.

Thankfully rather than letting it go, Andrea decided to investigate the situation further. She sensed something was fishy. It just didn’t sound like something her daughters would say. Acting on instinct, she called up the mothers of some of her daughters’ friends to get their perspective and discovered something amazing: their daughters had been saying the exact same thing to them. Apparently the tactic of undermining Mom by calling her crazy had worked for one teen and word had spread. This group of moms decided they would launch a coordinated response by confronting their daughters that same evening. Andrea’s daughters melted with shame when she told them what she had learned and how disappointed she was in their behavior.

Our daughters can be masterful at the art of manipulation when they want something, but how this working single mom handled the situation is a lesson in how to be both composed and clever!

Tips for Single Moms

Here are some tips for strengthening, cultivating and maintaining a strong, respectful, empathic, attuned connection and bond with your tween and teenage daughters:

• Use your head and trust your small voice within, it won’t ever steer you wrong. Turn up your instinctual inner volume and pay close attention.
• If you are on your own, like Andrea, consult with other Moms that may be in the same position. Having a Moms network of friends, belonging to a support group is absolutely invaluable and essential.
• Try to rise above and not be baited or lured in by your daughter’s provocations. Take a breath, self talk, “I need to collect myself,” then approach your daughter from a place of concern and love. Don’t come from a place of anger, or threaten punishment. That’s a sure fire way to alienate your daughter and not get down to the bottom of what is actually going on.
• Use the experience as an opportunity for a positive teaching moment. Take advantage of TV programs, like Glee and any teen driven media for spring boards for conversation and discussion.
• Take a peek at Chapter 1, for my 13 Tips, Introduction to Aerial Parenting in What Do You Expect? She’s A Teenager! A Hope and Happiness Guide for Moms with Daughters 11-19.

What Do You Expect? She’s a Teenager! is the ultimate preparation manual and survival guide for mothers of tweens and teens.  Packed with tips, expert interviews, real-life vignettes, and helpful conversation starters, What Do You Expect? She’s a Teenager! preps moms in advance for the issues they’ll face, from the familiar teen problems–sex, drugs, and alcohol use–to newer territory–cyberbullying, sexting, and internet pornography.

1. Coach
2. Creative Counselor
3. Time Manager
4. Media Director
5. Academic Advocate
6. Professor of Gender Studies
7. Relationship Counselor
8. Sex Ed Teacher
9. Financial Consultant
10. Bodyguard
11. Communications Specialist
12. In-Home Demonstrator
13. Military Specialist

FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY!

Tell us something about raising your daughter in the comments section below and you could win a free copy of Help Wanted: Moms Raising Daughters.

About the Author:
Music industry veteran Darlene Brock is the co-founder of Forefront Records, home of five-time GRAMMY ® Award winning artist TobyMac. Her new company, The Grit & Grace Project, is dedicated to helping women reach their full potential.  Merging two of their  primary strengths, Grit and Grace, women can call upon those strengths to find purpose as individuals, wives and mothers.

Buy Help Wanted: Moms Raising Daughters by Darlene Brock today!

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5 Tips for Online Summer Safety

Between the potential for online bullying, bank account hacking, and cyber stalking, you might be tempted to take your child’s computer or phone to the trash bin. During summer break, children’s use of social networking sites and mobile apps will experience a big jump. So, are you wondering how to keep kids safe online?

An important first step is to learn more about the technology. While your knowledge might never reach that of your 14-year-old whiz kid, it’s important to know the basics so you can properly monitor and safeguard internet usage. Remember that technology is not the enemy, if used properly there are a lot of tools out there that allow safer web surfing.

We offer five smart tips to help your child enjoy social interaction without the danger:

1. Choose the right environment for your child. Try to find social networks that correspond to your child’s peer maturity level.
2. Don’t be afraid to say no. If you feel your child is not ready for an adult social network like Facebook or MySpace, which are not heavily moderated or monitored, tell them that they aren’t ready and suggest a more suitable alternative, like YourSphere or Togetherville.
3. Whatever social network you feel is appropriate for your child, create a dummy account and begin interacting with others. Familiarize yourself with the policies and communication mediums of the site so that you aren’t blindsided if a problem arrives.
4. Talk to your children about what is going on with their online life, the same way you would ask them about their offline friends and social activities. This will increase the chances of your child coming to you with a problem.
5. Use software that has social monitoring and time control capabilities, and let your child know you are using it and why. Explain that you trust your child, but you don’t trust everyone else out there. Set reasonable time limits for Internet use, assuring your child gets out of the house and exercises this summer.

About the author:
Stanley Holditch is an online safety expert for McAfee.  Stanley Holditch has worked in Internet content management and marketing since 2002, and has been the Internet Marketing Manager for InternetSafety.com since April 2009 (InternetSafety.com was recently acquired by McAfee). Stanley is a father and is passionate about responsible online parenting and Internet safety. In short, Mr. Holditch believes that while the Internet certainly poses new challenges to parents and children, both parties must confront the challenges by mutual education, open communication, and using the right tools.

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And of the 10.4 million single-mother families, 80% of single mothers are employed, with 50% working full-time and 30% working part-time.

For those single moms who do work, any vacation time with their children – especially if it is paid for — is a welcomed respite from the daily grind. It’s a chance to share experiences, create lifelong memories, have long, insightful conversations.

Can the same be true for a working vacation?

That depends on a lot of variables: the amount of time you’ll actually have with your children v.s. away from them appeasing your boss or clients; what you’ll be doing with the time; and above all, careful planning you take to assure that both you and your children et the most out of this small window of precious time.

A very visible mother is taking her working vacation in the public eye: Sarah Palin, a potential Republican presidential candidate, is on her “One Nation Road Trip“, a cross-country bus tour with some of her brood and extended family. Dismayed at the media frenzy around them, one of her children– her nine-year-old daughter,  Piper Palin, shoved Time magazine photographer Dima Gavrysh and mumbled, “Thanks for ruining our vacation.”

The fact that her mother has been wearing suits during much of their trip should have been a tip-off that this wasn’t a typical family outing.

Then again, maybe Ms. Palin should have told her this up front.

If holding onto your job (or writing off some down time) while on the road means  mixing work with play over the next few months, here are a few tips for keeping your sanity–and keeping your kids happy:

1. Tell the kids the truth.
Let them know that you’ll be spending a part of your days (or nights) away from them. Explain what you’ll be doing, when you’ll be doing this, how long you’ll be gone.

2. Planning is key.
Set up your work appointments in advance, and confirm them a few days out. On the days in which you have a work item, make sure that whatever you’ve planned with your children is a flexible event: in other words, that there is no set time you have to be there, such as advance ticket purchases for an planetarium or aquarium show.

Most importantly, save all the fun stuff for when you — and not a babysitter — can enjoy it with them.

3. When you’re away, make sure your children know who will be in charge.
Is it a trusted friend, or a pre-arranged professional baby sitter? Is it a teen sibling, or a teen cousin? Whomever you choose, they should know that this person will uphold your rules: bedtime, TV time and other agreed-upon activities will be followed; and your stand-in should be obeyed, and treated with the utmost respect.

4. Be sure your children and their caretaker can reach you–and under what circumstances they should do so.
This should not include acting as referee over who controls the TV remote control.

5. When it’s time to be with your children, don’t be on the phone with clients.
Your children should have the same quid pro as your clients or boss. Office calls can go into voice mail, and you can respond to any emails and texts after you’ve enjoyed your activities with your children.

6. Again, be prepared.
Take along toys, books, and interactive games, such as puzzles, that will keep your children busy when you aren’t at their side. Be sure to bring still and video cameras, so that you can record your time together.

And every night, have conversations with them about the most memorable parts of your days. What event that day tickled their funny bone, or made the greatest impression on them?

How they answer will enlighten you, and fill you with pride.

No doubt about it, these will be some of your most heartfelt memories.

________________________________________

Josie Brown is SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor. Her most recent novel, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, is in bookstores everywhere.

Her next novel, The Baby Planner, is  in bookstores now. You can read an excerpt here…

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You may not know it, but being an optimist has been associated with many positive attributes including better health, greater perseverance and flexibility, and feeling happier and less depressed. This has me thinking…why do we have to wait until we reach adulthood to learn the skills of optimism? As a parent, you can begin inoculating your child against pessimism right now so he can develop all these great qualities and become an optimistic child. I will give you the most important tools you need to do so! To begin, keep in mind that optimism is not about being in a good mood all the time. Rather, it is about having a positive, rather than negative approach to life, even during difficult times. This doesn’t mean you are always happy, but you are more likely to become proactive, rather than helpless in your approach to life.

OPTIMISM TOOL #1: Teach your child that when good things happen, they are generally the result of planning, hard work and the choices you make—NOT luck. If your child believes positive events happen mainly by chance, she will be less likely to have an optimistic outlook that she can control her life.

Examples: You do well on a test because you study hard; you’re less nervous at a recital because you practice beforehand; mom won’t be angry with you if you choose to be nice to your brother!

OPTIMISM TOOL #2: Teach your child that he will certainly have negative experiences, but no matter how bad one may be, he will soon start to feel better and sometimes can even take action to help himself feel better more quickly. In addition, help him see that a negative experience usually doesn’t have to cast a shadow over every part of his life.

Examples: When a pet dies, you feel very sad, but over time you will feel less sad and you can draw pictures or write poems or stories to remember your pet; you don’t make the basketball team so at first you feel hurt and rejected but maybe it leaves you time to focus on something else you love (and perhaps you didn’t practice enough—Tool #1); you have an argument with your friend, but once you resolve it your friendship could be stronger than ever.

OPTIMISM TOOL #3: Review your child’s achievements regularly —big and small—and encourage her to do so too. The quicker she learns how to focus upon the positive parts of her life, rather than the things she hasn’t accomplished, hopes to accomplish, or has failed to accomplish, the sooner she is will begin to think optimistically about her life!

Examples: “Let’s put up a display shelf for your trophies (even if they’re just for participation)”; “Count the number of toys you put away in the next five minutes”; “read your latest poem to me—I don’t care about spelling mistakes”; “I noticed that you made fewer spelling mistakes on your test this time—good job!”

Dr. Susan Bartell is America’s #1 Family Psychologist. Her latest book is The Top 50 Questions That Kids Ask. You can learn more about her at www.drsusanbartell.com.

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It exposes the weaknesses in all of us.

Chau has admitted to calling children bad names, to their faces. She  refused one daughter’s handmade birthday card for her, going so far as to toss it into the girl’s face because, as she told her child, “I deserve better than this. So I reject this.”

Coming clean with these parenting tales (sorry I can’t call them skills) has made her the queen of authoritarian parenthood.

For those who see her as a role model, I’ll give you three reasons to de-claw the mother tiger within:

Reason #1. Your children’s success can’t be measured in dollars and cents, only through their emotional health and happiness.

For those parents who use the standard of money to measure success, here’s the reality: not every kid will become a billionaire.

Nor is every child is meant to be a brain surgeon or a rocket scientist. Not all children grow up to be biz whiz geniuses like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg. And guess what? Your daughter may not win an Academy Award, and your son may never wear a Super Bowl ring.

And that should be okay with you.

If you can’t be proud of your children until they’ve accomplished any of the lofty goals you’ve got in mind for them, be ready for a lot of heartache.

If not yours, then theirs.

Oh, yeah: and some whopper shrink bills.

Because their drive–to please you–will in no way, shape or form make them happy.

Why? Because true happiness comes from within. It comes from accomplishing something for yourself, not through proving something to someone else–

Even if that person is your tiger mother.

Instead, your goal as a parent should be helping your children develop skills that play to their natural strengths.

Doing so allows them to strive for attainable accomplishments. More importantly, it gives them the right mindset to be happy and healthy.

And all great things flow from there.

Reason #2. You can’t force your children to live your fantasy life.
Your children may not have the innate skills to follow your career path. They may have no inclination to go to–or do as well as you at–your alma mater. They may not want to marry who you’d prefer for them, or live where and how you wish.

Why? Because no matter how hard you’d wish it for them, they don’t want to be you.

And sorry, you can’t be them, either.

Just like your parents could not be you–no matter how hard they may have tried; and no matter how how obligated you may have to so pleased them, perhaps even forgoing your own happiness.

When your children are mature enough to realize this (they may be twelve, or seventeen, or thirty-seven; rest assured, that day will come), they will let you know this, in no uncertain terms.

If you can’t accept this fact, don’t expect to see a lot of them.

Reason #3. Love can’t be created from guilt, but from appreciation. Respect doesn’t come through obligation, but from inspiration.
Mother tiger tactics of bullying, guilt trips, and punishment aren’t motivational at all. They will drive your children out of the door as soon as they can walk, run, or drive away.

Children are very sensitive to their parents’ emotions. Yes, they may want to please you, but that doesn’t mean that they love or respect you.

Remember this: every move you make as a parent is a lesson to your child. You lead by example. That said, true love comes from trust. We trust those whose words are inspiring, and whose actions are generous.

Chua told Meredith Viera of NBC’s Today Show, “It’s a tough world out there.”

She’s right about that. But what era has that not been the case?

If, truly,  your goal is to do what is right for your children–to right by them–then don’t look at their lives through the prism of your own, or for that matter your parents’. Your children are different people, living in a different time or place.

They are living in a different world.

If the life you’ve led has been exemplary, if you’ve shown them love, respect and appreciation, they will survive.

Better yet, they will thrive.

You have nothing to worry about. The kids are all right.

______________________________________________

Josie Brown is SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor. Her most recent novel, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, is in bookstores everywhere.

Her next novel, The Baby Planner, will be in bookstores on April 5, 2011.

Winnicott also makes it clear that there are times when the mother hates her baby and that this is normal and understandable.  The needs of the mother and the needs of the infant, later the child, do not always coincide.  In the middle of the night, when the exhausted mother needs her sleep, the baby needs to feed and makes this need audible in no uncertain terms.  Even deeply loving mothers want to put their fingers in their ears and go back to sleep!

In what way does the need of the mother to be good enough differ in single mothers from their married or paired counter-parts?  First of all, the particular circumstances of the mother’s “singleness” must be a factor.  Women may be single by choice or may become so by way of divorce, desertion or death of their spouse.  They may be single from the beginning and throughout the child’s lifetime or, single for part of it, if the marriage dissolves in one way or another or if a step-father enters the picture.  A mother who elects to have a child alone can devote herself more single-mindedly to her child than one who has the needs of her spouse to also consider.  Spouses, be they male or female may be a help or a hindrance.  A spouse may take the baby in the middle of the night and bottle feed it, or he may be furious at being awakened and having his wife’s attention turned to her baby, and not just at night-time.   Clearly, circumstances differ from family to family.  If a jealous husband has an affair, or leaves the marriage, the mother may, against her more loving instincts, resent the baby and then suffer guilt and anxiety about her mothering.

Many single mothers find others to share their parenting—family, friends, baby-sitters.  Perhaps this phenomenon is more marked in single mother families than in two parent families.  I don’t know to what extent this is true, but I imagine it is one way that all mothers, single or partnered, manage their ambivalence in the face of their children’s needs.

Maternal ambivalence, the mixture of positive and negative feelings that all mother feel towards their children, is a ubiquitous phenomenon.  In fact, ambivalence is inevitable in all relationships where loss and disappointment may occur.  But in these days, when mothering has become so demanding, and expectations of good mothering so unforgiving, ambivalence intensifies and the guilt, shame and anxiety that follow it, intensify also.  It seems to me that these unforgiving expectations are a two edged sword for single mothers.  On the one hand there is no partner vying for attention and on the other hand there is no partner to help.  But either way, I feel that contemporary mothers, married or single, are trying much too hard to be perfect and need to be able to settle for good enough!

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There are many ways to teach a child to be giving and openhearted, but the two best ways are to model this behavior and help her actually engage in acting charitably. By doing both of these you are even more likely to increase the chance of your child growing up to become a charitable, giving adult.

It is important to begin the act of giving right at home. For example, although sharing toys, clothes and other material possessions is difficult for most children, encouraging your child to share with siblings, other family members and friends is an excellent way to teach altruism. It is also important to be a good role model, by sharing generously yourself. In addition, teach your child that being generous and patient with his time is also a good way to be giving. Older siblings can learn that spending time with younger ones (even if they may not feel like it), is important, and all children can be taught how playing a game that a friend or sibling really wants to play (even if you’re not in the mood to do so), is another way of being generous. Of course, as a parent, it is important to point out to your child when you give in these ways too.

Outside of your home, and depending on her age, you can encourage your child to donate time to working in a soup kitchen, or at a charity fundraiser or helping an elderly or ill neighbor in need. Of course, when you volunteer your time too, your child will be even more likely to recognize the importance of having a generous heart. You can teach your child other ways to be giving as well. For example, your child should learn that donating well-preserved, outgrown clothing, books or toys, is also a way of being charitable.

Of course, in addition to encouraging your child to give his time and effort in charitable ways, teaching him to giving money to worthy causes is another way to help him develop a true sense of the holiday spirit and learn to experience the good feelings that come from being charitable. It really is true that ‘every penny counts’ so help your child choose a cause and then decide how much money he would like to donate. Most children find it meaningful to donate to a cause that has an impact upon children. Encourage your child to donate an amount of money that will feel significant, but that he will not resent. For some children this will be twenty-five cents and for others it will be twenty-five dollars. It is not the amount that matters, but the act of giving with an open heart.

Dr. Susan Bartell is America’s #1 Family Psychologist. Her latest book is The Top 50 Questions That Kids Ask. You can learn more about her at www.drsusanbartell.com

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