Welcome to dating as an adult.  As soon as you decided you didn’t want to play games anymore, everything got complicated, right?  Well, it doesn’t have to be.

Dating as an adult has its advantages, you know.  For example, you’ve dated enough men that you pretty much know what you want and what you don’t want.  You’re smart enough to not fall for all the tricks.  Yet, you still believe in love and would be more than willing to start a wonderful romance with the right guy.

So, how do you get out there, date and have fun without it feeling like a job?  Here are four tips to bring the fun back into your dating life.

 #1 – Hang out where you haven’t been before.  Let me share a little secret with you.  New people in the group ALWAYS get the most attention.  Now, if you want to feel like the “Belle of the Ball” again, try tapping into one of your interests at a new place.  You’ll meet a whole new group of people, and most definitely get a ton of confidence-boosting attention.

#2 – If things are going well, go with it.  You’re mature enough to know when there’s a possible connection with someone.  So, if things are going well, trust your instincts.   You’ll have a good time, and if things don’t work out, at least you’ll know for sure.

#3 – Date a few guys at once.  You’re an adult, right?  Well, keep your heart safe and your options open by dating more than one guy at a time.   If you do decide you want to exclusively date someone, it will be because you choose to, not because he’s the only one around.

#4 – Remind yourself how amazing you are.  Not every guy will be your cup of tea, and you may not be theirs.  So, if he doesn’t call you again, try not to sweat it.   Think about all the great things your special man will get when he meets you, and trust that he’ll be smart enough to take you off the market.   Everything happens in its own time.

Sometimes, it takes pushing the “Reset” button to start having a great time dating.  Embrace your new life choices and you’ll be enjoying yourself in no time.

Christine Pembleton is a best-selling author and owner of the Ready to Be a Wife company.  She specializes in helping women who are tired of dating the wrong men by showing them how to get with the right one. She hosts a monthly workshop “How to Know That He’s the One” in Phoenix, AZ.   Get her free audio CD “The 3 Keys to Marrying Well” by visiting http://www.readytobeawife.com.

More Great SingleMindedWomen.com Dating Articles

Safety Tips for Online Dating

Single, With Children: Returning to the Dating Scene

Dating a Coworker

So how does it happen?

How do you start out strong, full of goals for the new year, good ideas and great will-power, only to look back eleven months later and wonder what the hell happened? You can never pin point exactly where and how it went off track but you know it did. Was it that mini cream puff at Valentines Day? The dress for Easter you could’ve put the money into savings for instead? You birthday in August when you deserved to sleep in instead of work out that threw you off track?

The truth is all good intentions for the New Year go awry for one reason: consistency.

Consistency is the best word you can ever learn to practice and not just preach.

Because the reality of life is, how you do one thing is usually how you do everything. So if you can be consistent in one area of your life like finances, you can apply those same principles to diet and exercise or love and relationships.

Successful women in love, career, health and life are ALWAYS the women who are consistent.

Here are a few EASY tips to keep consistent this year and turn those goals into lifestyle habits.

1. Break big goals down into smaller actions. If losing weight is the goal, set your big goal, then break it down into smaller monthly goals. 20 lbs by May for summer would only be 4 lbs a month. That sounds a lot less daunting then 20 lbs!
2. Write them down. This is the BEST and most effective tip I give all my clients. Write down your goals. And then post them somewhere you see them every morning and night. This one tip alone will change my life. I goal set around my birthday year v. calendar year and I can tell you that I’ve already accomplished 19 of my 29 goals for my 29^th year and I have five months to go. It just happens naturally when you see them every day. Mine are framed on my desk and written on my calendar and my bookmark for my nightly reading. If it’s in your awareness, you’ll keep working on it.
3. Have a why. The why always propels the what. That’s why everyone says do what you love. Because it doesn’t feel like work. Writing is like that for me. I love it. And it’s the why to all the what that I do. Same thing with running my company Duchess. I love family, relationships and helping women find love. What I want for myself I want for others. So my work never feels like work because I get to collaborate with amazing women who want what I want (and I get to help them achieve it).
4. Be Specific. I would encourage you to get really specific about the goals you have so they’re more concrete and not just airy fairy. For instance, if being in a committed, loving relationship is something you want in ’11 – then write down specific goals like “hire a dating coach,” “sign-up for 2 online dating sites,” or “go on 2 dates a week for a month.” Action items that are measurable and specific.
5. Set Reminders. In addition to the daily review, I set reminders in my iPhone and calendar to pop up with alarms once every quarter to remind me of my goals. Take the time to sit down and space out reminders for each goal to pop up once every 3 to 4 months now, and then some Tuesday in April you’ll thank yourself for having reminded your future self of what you want to be working on.

Consistency is key! I know you can do it so take these tips and make them work for you.

If you’re looking for additional help you can always contact me for coaching rates or the latest workshops being offered at Duchess.

Happy New Year!

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of The Duchess Guide.com a website dedicated to helping women be their most fabulous selves to experience dating success. To check out her latest program for successful single women looking to enjoy dating and relationships, check out the “Six Weeks to Dating Success” e-book at: www.TheDuchessGuide.com/datingsuccess now.

SMW DUCHESS DIGEST INSPIRATION

Duchess Digest: Would Jane Austen Go After the One that got Away?

Duchess Digest: What Would Jane Austen Do?

The survey reveals that more than 63% of participants said they are more likely to have sex during the winter holiday season –  in fact more than other times of the year.

And here’s a shocker (NOT): more than 70% of people  consider holiday parties a good opportunity to hookup.

ParTAY!

As for other Wet’s other naughty news nuggets:

·         84% of participants will be gifting a lover with a sexual favor for the holidays;

·         56% of people said kissing someone at midnight on the New Year is “a must”; and

·         44% of respondents confessed that they, or someone they knew, hooked up with a coworker at an office holiday party. (Um….duh!)

ENTER THIS SMW HOLIDAY CONTEST BY ANSWERING THIS QUESTION:

Have you done (or plan to do) any of the above?

Be one of three lucky winners to recieve either a
Wet® Warming™ Gel Lubricant, or
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All you have to do is comment below between now and Midnight PT, December 31, 2011 (yep, New Year’s Eve) will be included into our contest!

Have a very merry–and sex–holiday,

– Josie

Josie Brown is the Relationships Channel Editor for SingleMindedWomen.com. She is also the author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right. Her novel Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives (Simon & Schuster) will soon be a television series on ABC, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.

About Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives:
(Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press)
ISBN#: 978-1439173176
In Bookstores now!

Order this book here, from Amazon

The bitter divorce of a “perfect couple,” and its impact on the gated community in which they live, is seen through the eyes of a neighbor, Lyssa Harper, who doesn’t realize the parallels between their marriage and her own.

When Lyssa befriends the husband — Harry, a former Master of the Universe turned stay-at-home dad in order to hold onto his home and his children — the neighborhood’s mean mommies who are vying to make him the next notch on their bedposts turn on her, revealing the cruel side of suburbia.

“Hollywood’s got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading.” —Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl

“I loved it! Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust and marriage with heartwrenching  pathos. I’m recommending it to all my friends as the perfect beach read!“ —Lisa Rinna, actress, and author of the novel, Starlit,  and the personal growth book, Rinnavation

“I loved this juicy-as-it-it-is-heartfelt novel about love, marriage, friendship–and sharp, manicured claws. Could not put it down!” —Melissa Senate, author of The Secret of Joy

“Brown proves that a story with suburban bodies can be just as suspenseful as one with dead bodies! Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives is a probing, entertaining fishbowl of married life in a well-heeled, wayward neighborhood.  Loved it!”  —Stephanie Bond, author of Body Movers series

“Poignant and funny! Josie Brown’s protagonist is strong, resilient, and unflinchingly honest: she has all the skills she needs to navigate the ‘mean streets’ of the gated community of Paradise Heights. A great read!” —Wendy Wax, author Magnolia Wednesdays

Your eyes meet across a crowded room, and it’s love at first sight…..

Here’s the reality check: Slim. To. None.

So, how do assure you’ll attract Mr. Right when you see him? Just follow these tips:

Make eye contact.
It’s true: the eyes are the window to the soul. It’s a two-way door, so get (and let him) in there.

Smile.
This is the best body language you can give him. It says “Talk to me.”

Start with a great line.
Make sure it’s relates to what you think will entice him. Start with a compliment.

Ask questions...
Men love to talk—if you’ll let them. Trust me, you’ll learn a lot (about him).

And listen.
Your ear is the most sensual part of your body…when it’s open to what he has to say.

________________________________________

Josie Brown is the Relationships Channel Editor for SingleMindedWomen.com. She is also the author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right. Her novel Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives (Simon & Schuster) will soon be a television series on ABC, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.

Graves details how her husband’s illness affected her and their children, and the challenges and heartbreak they faced, in her memoir, Checking Out: An In-Depth Look At Losing Your Mind. Written from the caregiver’s perspective, the book gives voice to the confusion, guilt, and grief that come with a diagnosis and death of a family member from glioma. Written from the caregiver’s perspective, the book explores mistakes made and the impact they have, as well as how difficult it can be to find absolution.

In a book that is a must-read for anyone who has lost a loved one to a fatal disease, Graves openly shares the impact her husband’s illness and death initially had on her and their children, and how she was ultimately able to come to terms with the confusion, guilt, and grief that threatened to consume her.

Catherine Graves, a powerful and inspiring author and speaker, has the ability to share her experiences with loss in a way that resonate deeply with others. Her book, Checking Out: An In-Depth Look At Losing Your Mind chronicles her journey through extraordinarily challenging times to a place where healing and strength become possible.

When not sharing her insights, Graves contributes to the Phoenix community where she resides with her two children. Her volunteer efforts include work with the Phoenix Children’s Hospital Foundation, Florence Crittenton Center for Girls, Barrow Neurological Institute, and the Craniofacial Foundation of Arizona, among other organizations.

Buy CHECKING OUT: AN IN-DEPTH LOOK AT LOSING YOUR MIND by Catherine Graves today!

Want to be a SMW Book Reviewer? Click here.

Can’t you just hear Aunt Edna’s voice, and the “you pitiful thing” implication that goes with it? What do you say to that? Nothing. Seriously, explaining is pointless. You aren’t going to change her mind and convince her you’re truly happy with your life just as it is, and anything you say will likely come off as defensive. Instead, try this technique for coping with the holidays, which I call the 3Ds–Dodge, Distract and Detour.

The 3Ds: First of all, let’s get one thing really clear. Just because someone asks you a question doesn’t mean you have to answer it. And in the case of some people, the only reason they’re asking anyway is so they can gossip or brag about it later for their own benefit. Some people just can’t sleep if they aren’t the first with some juicy tidbit that others can ooh and ah over. Others elevate themselves by association in a “Leo DiCaprio touched my hand” sort of way. Whatever the case, don’t go there. Rather than playing the same old game, change the rules. It’s really easy once you get the hang of it, and in no time, Aunt Edna’s prejudicial prying can turn into a warm fuzzy moment just like this:

Aunt Edna: “Are you ever going to get married, dear?”

You: “Oh, aren’t you sweet to be thinking of me! That reminds me, when I was growing up, I absolutely loved your brownies. I always thought you made them just for me and I would love to get your recipe.”

Now, Aunt Edna may recognize that you have avoided her question, but she can’t gracefully go back to the dark side with you gushing over how wonderful she is. You dodged her question, distracted her with another topic and detoured everything to the positive side.

It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t have to spill my guts just because someone was curious–longer still to stop defending against the unspoken judgments that came with the nosy questions. I learned these things the hard way, of course, and I created a guide for how you don’t have to. Here are few tips adapted from The Hardline Self Help Handbook.

Happy List: Since you may not always have a brownie recipe memory on the tip of your tongue, do you homework and make what I call a Happy List. Write down names of people you might run into during the holidays then jot down an interest or story that can trigger a get-out-of-jail-free topic-turner for each. At the bottom of the list, make a few general positive conversations possibilities–no politics, religion, sex, etc.–that you can use for instant distracts with just about anyone. Make the list and keep it handy. Do it–you’ll be glad you did.

Get Over It: Now to the big one–your issues. Yes, you have them, we all do, and when we go home they’re ready and waiting to be ignited by old family dramas–don’t. Easy to say, but how do you not get sucked into the muck and find yourself saying and doing the same things you did the year before with same dismal outcomes? You have to do your mental laundry before you get there. Seriously. We all want the approval, validation and a sense of belonging from parents and family, but the fact is not all of us get it–and never will no matter what we do–so we have to get over it.

Do not for a second think that getting a PhD in astrophysics is going to get you the “atta girl” you want from people who are disappointed you didn’t join the family dog grooming business. Often–maybe always–the people we most want to get validation from are the least likely to ever give it to us–they simply can’t–and that’s a good thing. Because if they did, we might never be able to give it to ourselves–we’d simply keep chasing a brass ring we could never catch instead of finding fulfillment from our own choices.

So, before you go home for the holidays, do your homework and your mental laundry, make a Happy List and practice the 3Ds. When you’re confident, relaxed and happy about who you really are, it won’t matter what anyone else says or thinks about it. You’ll eliminate a ton of anxiety ahead of time and you’ll be able to go home without getting sucked under–you might even get through the holidays with a smile!

* * * *

Paula Renaye is a motivational speaker, certified professional coach and author of the multi-award-winning personal development guide, The Hardline Self Help Handbook–What Are You Willing to Do to Get What You Really Want?

A self-confessed former eggshell walker, emotional wreck and utter failure at keeping her life from falling apart, Paula uses her path out of despair as road map for others. For more tough love tips, visit her website at http://hardlineselfhelp.com.

More SingleMindedWomen.com Holiday Advice

Alone But Not Lonely For the Holidays

Single Moms and the Holiday Blues: Lifting Your Spirits

Holidays and Loneliness

It’s the point at which that last spoonful of Ben and Jerry’s on the coach went from stress-relief bliss to tummy ache and guilt. It’s that moment when you realize all your compromising has compromised you. It’s basically the tipping point between when too much of a good thing becomes bad.

I have learned that how you do one thing tends to be how you do everything. So often if one area of your life gets out of whack, it has ramifications in other seemingly unintended ways. For instance, ever notice how eating poorly and stopping exercise seem to happen simultaneously? Or emotional eating tends to coincide with a bunch of unnecessary do-dad charges on the credit card? Or a drastic haircut or styling changes seems to coincide with a break-up?

I think good and bad travel in pairs. That’s why it’s imperative to keep up your good habits and flex your will-power muscles when times are tough to get rid of bad habits. Maybe you can’t control the outcome of your job-search or your break-up, but you can control your discipline and take care of yourself.

Here are some Good Company replacements for your Bad Company habits that might help turn things around if times are challenging for you right now (or in the future).

• PROBLEM: Junk Food & His Twin, Lethargy
• Solution: You can grab this bull by the horns or the tail! I often think it’s better to choose one or the other and let that guide you to what your body wants. When you listen to your body – it’s an amazing compass. So instead of going on a diet and starting an exercise routine at the same time – I like to do one or the other, because the side-effect for me is always the two moving in tandem. For me, I can’t go to an hour of crazy intense dance class and come home and eat pizza. It just feels gross. Likewise I can’t eat cheese puffs and then go for a run. I find if I can have the self-control to implement one tactic, the other seems to fall in line.
• PROBLEM: Unfulfilling Job & Her Twin, Debt
• Solution: Ever notice how you can’t stop complaining about your job, but seem to spend more and get deeper into debt. Life is meant to be lived and it takes some funds to get out there and live sometimes, but this self-defeating cycle can be drastically turned around with some small actions and awareness. First step: stop complaining about your job. Period. If you have a job, that’s pretty awesome in and of itself in today’s unstable economy. And if you feel unfulfilled, then it’s up to you to find ways to combat that. Are you thinking about ways you can enhance your skills and value to your company by taking on more projects? Try being the person who shows up to the office full of ideas instead of impossibilities. Now, once you turn your work attitude around you can take note of the spending. The less you spend, the less you need that job if it really isn’t getting better for you. Have the discipline to set money aside and know that a penny saved is a penny you can rely on down the line if you want to move on to a new career, city or option. Money is freedom and freedom is choices. Be smart with your money and give yourself every opportunity and choice you can.
• PROBLEM: Stress & its Twin, Fighting
• Solution: I am not a person who handles stress terribly well. I can usually tell when I’m stressed because I will have a lot of disharmony in my home life. I don’t know why we tend to take our stress out on the ones closest to us, but if you find that you’re horribly annoyed by everything your spouse, children, roommate, boyfriend or family is doing – there’s a good chance it’s not them, but you. Hate to say it but fighting starts with us usually and often we seek out the flaws and problems in others closest to us when something isn’t right within ourselves. Sure, there are times when a fight is just a fight – but more often then not it stems from stress and other unhappiness that we are harboring inside. The first solution to this is to recognize when you’re stressed. You’ll know more now when you see some of the signs above showing up in your life. The next step is to take your own time out. Good self-care can often alleviate stress and the fights. If you are taking the time to exercise, meditate, eat healthy and practice other smart self-care options you’ll be much better prepared to see and feel the good in others.

There you have it! Good and bad travel in pairs – so when you see the signs of negative behaviors popping up in your life, take a moment to check what is really going on and use these simple solutions to combat them.

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous selves.  Her ALL NEW Home Study Course SIX WEEKS TO DATING SUCCESS is six weeks of coaching at your own pace to improve all your relationships, especially dating and is available now. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: http://theduchessguide.com/

SMW DUCHESS DIGEST INSPIRATION

Duchess Digest: Cinderella Was A Liar!

Duchess Digest: Five Ways to Defuse Difficulty

Duchess Digest: I Am Not Carrie Bradshaw!

It’s not where you go, it’s what you take back with you…

On her 30th birthday, Gwendolyn Reese receives and unexpected present from her widowed Aunt Bea: a grand tour of Europe in the company of Bea’s Sudoku and Mahjongg Club. The prospect isn’t entirely appealing. But when the gift she is expecting — an engagement ring from her boyfriend — doesn’t materialize, Gwen decides to go. At first, she approaches the trip as if it’s the math homework she assigns her students, diligently checking monuments off her must-see list. But amid the bougainvillea and beauty of southern Italy, something changes. Gwen begins to live in the moment — skipping down stone staircases in Capri, running her fingers over a glacier in view of the Matterhorn, racing through the Louvre and taste-testing pastries, wine and gelato. Reveling in every new experience — especially her attraction to a charismatic British physics professor — Gwen discovers that the ancient wonders around her are nothing compared to the renaissance unfolding within.

From Chapter One:
An Unexpected Turn of Events

“Swear to the sweet Lord child, I’m gonna wrap your head up in an Akan kente cloth, Davis, and twist until your neck snaps!” Zenia hollered, raising her voice with practiced theatrics and standing up to add that extra element of menace.

Zenia Bronson, age sixty-two, was no stranger to emoting. She’d been a local stage actress back in the seventies and was now “A Fiber Artist of the Highest Caliber,” or so said the business cards for her shop—Loominous. The current focus of her wrath was white-haired Davis Whitney because he had the misfortune of being their Mah-jongg dealer or leader or something (they called him “East” for a reason Gwen didn’t understand) in a fierce game against the formidable Youngs.

Alex and Connie Sue Young were a married couple, ages seventy-two and sixty-nine, respectively, who’d both honed their math and gaming skills—and padded their retirement funds—by playing the riverboat casino circuit. One might say that no one won easily against either Alex or Connie Sue. One might also say that Zenia did not accept defeat in any arena without finger-pointing, mild profanity and an onslaught of creative threats.

“You may have won a measly $126,000 on ‘Wheel of Fortune’ once, but until you learn how to pick and discard the damn tiles, you’re as worthless as a pair of circular needles on a jack loom,” Zenia spouted, tugging on a couple of her long braids—dyed strands of jet-black and burgundy, entwined—in a show of agitation and disgust.

Gwen was barely conversant in the rules of Mah-jongg, but she was pretty sure Zenia wasn’t happy with her thirteen-tile hand and wanted to “pick ahead.” Davis, a retired calculus teacher, had apparently thwarted her by citing some rule specific to the version they were playing and dared to call her on cheating for “wanting to look at her future”—whatever that meant. So, the tall, imposing woman huffed, puffed and stabbed her silver-and-purple-glittered index fingernail in the general direction of Davis’s heart, but he just yawned, refusing to budge on the issue. The Youngs ignored her rant and waved Gwen deeper inside the den.

“Your auntie is in the kitchen,” Connie Sue said helpfully. “You go put that tray down and come back and talk to me, you hear?

“Sure,” Gwen said.

Alex patted his wife’s arm affectionately and said to Gwen, “And we wouldn’t be opposed to you bringin’ us a coupla Hester’s lemon squares since you’re headed that-a way.” He shot Zenia a devilish look. “‘Course, the game’ll probably be over soon, and we’ll be able to get up and grab ‘em ourselves.”

Zenia crossed her arms, sat herself back down and glared at Alex. “You got a winning hand already?”

He examined his rack of tiles and the current year’s Mah-jongg card that listed every possible winning combination. “Nope,” he said with a smirk.

“Then you shut your fool mouth and play.”

Connie Sue and Alex laughed, and even Davis broke into a grin. Gwen slid away from the foursome and escaped into the kitchen.

“Gwennie!” her aunt cried when she spotted her. “You got here just in time.” Aunt Beatrice, who’d been chatting with Miss Hester Greenwald over vodka-spiked glasses of Fresca (her aunt’s favorite drink), broke off her conversation and wrapped her slender but wiry arms around her niece. Despite being a head shorter than Gwen and about forty pounds lighter, Beatrice still managed to crush her with the embrace. It was all Gwen could do to keep breathing and to not drop the fruit kabobs.

“Hi, Aunt Bea,” Gwen rasped, sucking in a lungful of air when her aunt let go. “Where would you like me to put these?”

“Oooh, I’ll take ‘em for you,” Hester said, yanking the tray out of Gwen’s hands. “What’cha got in here?” Hester, the oldest member of the group at age ninety, a “lifelong bachelorette,” as she’d say, and a former schoolteacher “from back in the days of wooly mammoths and real liberals,” never hesitated to take charge if she felt leadership was needed.

She ripped the foil off the platter and studied the kabobs. “Very…colorful, Gwendolyn,” Hester pronounced. “And I like the way you worked in all that spatial geometry, too.” She gingerly held up a kabob, studying the watermelon spheres and the cantaloupe cubes.

“Ovals, cylinders and trapezoids, oh, my!” Aunt Bea contributed, making note of the green grapes, banana chunks and pineapple wedges as well. “Very thoughtful of you to go to all this trouble, dear, but it’s your birthday. We’re here to treat you.”

Gwen was about to protest that she didn’t need any special treatment when Hester broke in.

“How was your big birthday lunch with that boyfriend of yours?” The old woman leaned forward. “He get’cha anything good?”

Gwen noticed that, even though her aunt was making a show of arranging the kabobs, she was listening. Attentively.

“Yes,” Gwen told Hester. “A very nice pair of pearl earrings.” She smiled warmly at her and tried to sound very upbeat about it.

Nevertheless, Hester blinked her paper-thin eyelids and took a step back. “What?” The elderly lady snorted. “After all this time together, just some li’l pearl earrings? Not even diamonds? Humph.”

Aunt Bea frowned. “No, uh, other jewelry?”

Gwen shook her head and saw her aunt and Hester exchange a pointed glance. Quickly, Gwen added, “But the earrings are really lovely,” hoping to diffuse her aunt’s silent condemnation and defend an absent Richard from Hester’s obvious disapproval, too. She’d made the mistake of bringing him to an S&M gathering once, and Richard had hated every second of it. Although he was unfailingly courteous while in her aunt’s home, once he was out of it, he let it be known to her that “the chaos, disorder and unnatural degree of impulsivity” of the club members made him uncomfortable. While Gwen often felt the same way about them herself, her discomfort was frequently, although far from entirely, tempered by her understanding that they were well intentioned. Even when they were being intrusive and embarrassingly immature.

For example, at that very moment, Hester, who’d crossed her arms like a petulant teen, pursed her lips into a credible sneer, hitched her hip to one side and huffed, “Well, we’ll show him.

Don’t you worry, dearie. We got you a good gift.”

Before Gwen could so much as open her mouth to reply, Dr. Louie, wearing one of his S&M t-shirts and an absurdly festooned sombrero, strode into the room with a massive pan in his hands and announced, “Who wants some smoked-barbeque spare ribs?”

Matilda Riesling, trailing him as usual, carrying a ginormous platter and wearing her rival S&M t-shirt and several bright strands of Mardi Gras beads around her neck, said “Smashed potato pie, people!”

At that, the Mah-jongg players in the other room immediately abandoned their tiles and pushed their way into the kitchen to claim sturdy paper plates for sampling the vast array of rich and tasty dishes decorating her aunt’s table and counters. Only Connie Sue and Davis were adventurous enough to try “one of them healthy fruit kabobs” and, in Davis’s case, it was only because he wanted to show Alex how to construct a model of a water molecule. The melon balls and grapes proved rather helpful.

]]> http://singlemindedwomen.com/women-relationships/a-summer-in-europe-by-marilyn-brant/feed/ 0 http://singlemindedwomen.com/women-relationships/tips-for-nanowrimo-creative-writing/ http://singlemindedwomen.com/women-relationships/tips-for-nanowrimo-creative-writing/#comments Sun, 13 Nov 2011 19:33:45 +0000 Josie Brown http://singlemindedwomen.com/?p=49539 Yes, you can write a novel.

All it takes is time, effort, and skill.

Not to mention engaging characters, a great plot, and a satisfying ending.

Oh, and did I mention a grab-readers-by-the-seat-of-the-pants opening line, on a killer first page, within a can’t-put-down first chapter?

Easy, right?

You won’t know until you try.

I’m going to help. During all thirty days of National Novel Writing Month, I’ve been posting creative a tip each day.

Should you have any question about these points, feel free to email me. In fact, all comments I receive between November 1st and November 30th (midnight PT) on any of my NaNoWriMo Tips will be entered into a contest to receive all three of these novels: The Baby Planner, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, and Impossibly Tongue-Tied.

Extra point if you friend me on Twitter (http://twitter.com/JosieBrownCA)

Extra point if you friend my on Facebook (http:www.facebook.com/JosieBrownAuthor) 

Extra point if you re-Tweet my posts (1 per post) or share it via Facebook.

Happy National Novel Writing Month! Good luck, and enjoy the process!

– Josie

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Economy got you down? Holidays approaching and your single (AGAIN?). I’ve got the quick fix cure to get you out of the doldrums…. Service!

Over the summer I was lucky enough to attend a charity luncheon that featured Ariana Huffington as the keynote speaker. The luncheon was for the Venice Family Clinic, a health care network which serves in-need families, individuals and the community here in SoCal. The fundraiser is part of a brown-bag lunch series put on by the clinic where you bring or buy your lunch, plus admission and hear great speakers. This particular luncheon happened to be on the crest of the most gorgeous hillside Villa overlooking the curving golden baked coastline and sparkling Pacific Ocean in Malibu.  If ever there was a setting for awe in California, this was certainly it.

However the setting was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg as the speaker was even more inspiring then the setting. Ariana Huffington and her sister, Agape, addressed the small collection of a hundred or so assembled ladies (and few token men) scattered around the white tables surrounding her.

I love Ariana.

A dear friend once gave me a book she wrote called “On Becoming Fearless” for my very first birthday out here in Los Angeles. It was a beautiful gift that touched my heart. If you don’t have it, you should pick it up. What I found particularly identifiable about Ariana was her candid confession of being madly in love with someone who ultimately (and self-admitted) wasn’t able to connect with her at the same level. I felt a kindred spirit to her for moving on, moving forward and yet not denying the loss there.

Hearing her speak on that afternoon, when the June Gloom layers of marine fog miraculously decided to break early and the sun shone brightly on the lawns, was even more touching then her book.

She spoke of love, of rest and of service. Ms. Huffington helped remind me of that her answer for her own bouts with ailments, the blues and her driving passion is service. When therapy fails or falls short with her loved ones, it was charity and service work she did and sent them out to do in order to recoup. And isn’t that just the way of it?

It’s easy to get so trapped in our own little environments. Poor me, I don’t make more money. Poor me, I’m not as pretty as some girls. Poor me, I wish I were thinner. Poor me, single again – will this EVER just be easy and work? Poor me, I’m in a relationship that isn’t perfect. The list goes on and on and on.

That is until you serve. When you serve others you start to shift. You see the ways you are blessed. Lucky me, I have a job. Lucky me, I didn’t end up with the wrong guy. Lucky me, I get to write and develop my talents. Lucky me, I have a pretty awesome partner. Lucky me, I’m beautiful because I don’t look like other girls. Lucky me, I’m healthy and strong.

I’ve been developing service projects in my own life to give myself the gift of being grateful. Isn’t it funny that my ultimate motivation ends up being selfish? I can’t help it. It makes me feel good to soften. To be kinder. To see how lucky I am that I have a great family. How lucky I am that unlike many of the elderly ladies and gentlemen I visit, I have mobility. What they wouldn’t give to go for walk with such ease and pizzaz that we do daily without notice. What a child in need of leadership and friendship wouldn’t give for a kind word, or help reading, or a friendship that you or I could offer!

I’m no Mother Theresa… far from it! But I’m lucky enough to have female leadership examples like Arianna and my own amazing mother, who help me to see that softening, love and service are the really gifts that we give ourselves.

Long may you reign in inspired service!

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous selves.  Her ALL NEW Home Study Course SIX WEEKS TO DATING SUCCESS is six weeks of coaching at your own pace to improve all your relationships, especially dating and is available now. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: http://theduchessguide.com/

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