Welcome to dating as an adult.  As soon as you decided you didn’t want to play games anymore, everything got complicated, right?  Well, it doesn’t have to be.

Dating as an adult has its advantages, you know.  For example, you’ve dated enough men that you pretty much know what you want and what you don’t want.  You’re smart enough to not fall for all the tricks.  Yet, you still believe in love and would be more than willing to start a wonderful romance with the right guy.

So, how do you get out there, date and have fun without it feeling like a job?  Here are four tips to bring the fun back into your dating life.

 #1 – Hang out where you haven’t been before.  Let me share a little secret with you.  New people in the group ALWAYS get the most attention.  Now, if you want to feel like the “Belle of the Ball” again, try tapping into one of your interests at a new place.  You’ll meet a whole new group of people, and most definitely get a ton of confidence-boosting attention.

#2 – If things are going well, go with it.  You’re mature enough to know when there’s a possible connection with someone.  So, if things are going well, trust your instincts.   You’ll have a good time, and if things don’t work out, at least you’ll know for sure.

#3 – Date a few guys at once.  You’re an adult, right?  Well, keep your heart safe and your options open by dating more than one guy at a time.   If you do decide you want to exclusively date someone, it will be because you choose to, not because he’s the only one around.

#4 – Remind yourself how amazing you are.  Not every guy will be your cup of tea, and you may not be theirs.  So, if he doesn’t call you again, try not to sweat it.   Think about all the great things your special man will get when he meets you, and trust that he’ll be smart enough to take you off the market.   Everything happens in its own time.

Sometimes, it takes pushing the “Reset” button to start having a great time dating.  Embrace your new life choices and you’ll be enjoying yourself in no time.

Christine Pembleton is a best-selling author and owner of the Ready to Be a Wife company.  She specializes in helping women who are tired of dating the wrong men by showing them how to get with the right one. She hosts a monthly workshop “How to Know That He’s the One” in Phoenix, AZ.   Get her free audio CD “The 3 Keys to Marrying Well” by visiting http://www.readytobeawife.com.

More Great SingleMindedWomen.com Dating Articles

Safety Tips for Online Dating

Single, With Children: Returning to the Dating Scene

Dating a Coworker

Your eyes meet across a crowded room, and it’s love at first sight…..

Here’s the reality check: Slim. To. None.

So, how do assure you’ll attract Mr. Right when you see him? Just follow these tips:

Make eye contact.
It’s true: the eyes are the window to the soul. It’s a two-way door, so get (and let him) in there.

Smile.
This is the best body language you can give him. It says “Talk to me.”

Start with a great line.
Make sure it’s relates to what you think will entice him. Start with a compliment.

Ask questions...
Men love to talk—if you’ll let them. Trust me, you’ll learn a lot (about him).

And listen.
Your ear is the most sensual part of your body…when it’s open to what he has to say.

________________________________________

Josie Brown is the Relationships Channel Editor for SingleMindedWomen.com. She is also the author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right. Her novel Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives (Simon & Schuster) will soon be a television series on ABC, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.

In the Twittersphere, 140-character ruminations over celebrity cougar Demi Moore’s tweets (@mrskutcher) could all be meaningless chatter. But a closer look at the facts reveals that if there is indeed no fire, someone’s putting out a lot of smoke.

Demi Moore is forty-eight. Ashton Kutchner is thirty-three. In Hollywood if you reversed genders, no one would think twice.

But an older woman with a younger man? Heads don’t just turn.

They spin.

Suppose that older woman was you, and you’ve had a wonderful, loving relationship with a man who just so happens to be 15 years younger. Now, imagine that you’re getting calls from your gal pals telling you that he’s been out and about late at night doing things that no devoted partner should be doing.

How would you react? What should you do now?

From the outset of the relationship, you have slept with one eye opened because of the number of “friends” who cautioned that this relationship would never work. You’ve been hoping to proof them wrong–

But now it all seems to be unraveling.

Here are three steps toward hopefully saving your relationship and, most importantly, your self-respect:

1. Take the comments and input of others with a grain of salt.
This is particularly true if you’re a celebrity, and your personal life is splattered all over the Internet and the tabloids. The bottom line: it’s not their life, it’s yours. You have to love and respect yourself first. If you want to work it out, do that. If you want to end the relationship do that instead. It’s your life, You choose.

2. Look before you leap.
Get all the facts and know what’s really going on. For example, in regard to Moore and Kutcher, the source is unsubstantiated. What’s more, from all accounts the source is looking for a quick pay day.

That said, the information from your friends can be just as off base as the silly stuff that gets shot around the blogosphere about celebrity couples, so keep a cool head and move forward cautiously.

3. If he has strayed, remind yourself: It’s him, and not you.
Unfortuantely, too often a woman’s first instinct is too look inward and say, “What did I do wrong?”

The answer might be: Nothing at all.

This was not your creation. Nor was it your intent. In all relationships, we are accountable for what we do right, as well as what we do wrong.

Wrong would be be accuse him without first hearing what he has to say about these accusations. Right would be to ask him to be straight with you. Right would be to ask him to work through your issues together. Wrong would be to deny something isn’t working, if he’s ready to move on.

You are strong. You can move on, too.

Remember: you have every right to date, fall in love with,  or marry  a younger man. Hundreds of thousands of men have chosen to marry a younger woman.

In either regard, cheating on your partner, or spouse, is out of bounds. It’s a trust killer. If he has done so, he has no excuse. But the decision to stay together, or separate, is yours as much as it is his.

_____________________________________

Josie Brown is SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor. Her novels, The Baby Planner, and  Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, are in bookstores everywhere. In Fact, Secret lives of Husbands and Wives will soon be a dramatic TV series on ABC, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. 

“Hollywood’s got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading.” –Jackie Collins, Hollywood Wives

1. Are you still questioning your divorce?

If you are still spending time grieving over your marriage, feeling sorry for yourself for being divorce, yearning for your ex spouse or not able to let go of the past to move into the future, you are NOT ready to date. For years you have relied on your spouse for so many things. They were your “go to” person in life. Now you have to get to a place where you are your own “go to” person. It is important to know that you can depend on yourself before depending on someone else again.

2. Have you said good bye to the marriage?

This means that you have put it to rest and no longer feel that is the place you should be in your life. Until you have put it to rest, you can’t move forward in another relationship. You need to be able to get to a point in time where you don’t feel sad about the loss of your marriage, but happy about the opportunity to be reborn. When you get to that place, you are ready to date.

3. What are your passions?

Being married and being re-singled are very different. You need to know what your passions are and what makes you tick. For so long you were busy ticking along as a unit. Now is the time to spread your wings and figure out what makes you happy. Try to think about those things that you always loved but perhaps gave up because your significant other didn’t love them also. Start to do them again. Do something every single day that makes you happy. It isn’t selfish; it is part of healing and finding your new life.

4. Do you have a plan for yourself?

In other words, do you have your finances, emotions, job and routine worked out? Being a single or a single parent is so difficult when you are used to being part of a unit. Before you become another part of a unit, make sure you have all your plans in place and working well. You will feel more settled and ready to take on dating.

5. Who are you?

Knowing who you are, as opposed to who you want or wish to be, is the biggest step to take before dating again. When you know who you are, you will be able to find your own personal truth and love yourself. Loving yourself will help you attract happier and healthier people into your life because you are happier and healthier, and then when you do start to date, you will find someone who will love you for who you are, and not try to change the you that you have found again. Healing after divorce is a process and because healing is difficult enough, don’t throw dating into the mix until you are ready.

Lee Block is a multi-talented, twice divorced mom of two who saw a need in the post-divorce community and created a family of sites centered on fulfilling that need. Lee has successfully launched The Post-Divorce Chronicles, Lee Block.Com, and The Post-Divorce Dating Club all within a matter of months. Lee also writes for the Huffington Post and was recently recognized by Startup Nation as a Leading Mom in Business in 2011.

Related articles on SMW

Why Do So Many Marriages Fail?

Breaking the News to Your Family, That Your Marriage is in Trouble

Life After Divorce

As a woman of a certain age (over 20 I’d say) you’ve heard about, possibly read and maybe even tried “The Rules” dating advice.  This was a massively popular book about fifteen plus years ago about a very basic, very rigid set of rules that apparently led to snagging the guy of your dreams. The authors and many of their followers swore they worked and many women felt they had finally discovered the equation to relationship success.

Or did they?

I’m not one for books like the rules for two major reasons. First, the implication of a book like this seems to be that we’re all women out wandering, desperate to sink our predatory coupling talons into the weakest prey. I don’t like the way that idea feels when I try it on; like cheap polyester blend on my cashmere inclined skin. And second, I don’t like the “quick fix” mentality of it. Getting into a relationship isn’t an easy one-stop-shop magic pill we should gulp down to escape the dreaded state of singledom. A relationship is a really fun, really great experience that we should all have the awesome opportunity to ease into and enjoy. I sometimes feel this overwhelming preoccupation with marriage as an end goal in and of itself is indicative of our achievement-obsessed culture. “Do YOU want to get married?” I hear you asking the Duchess. Of course! But I’m in no rush to get there and don’t feel that every moment between now and whenever that happens many, many years from now is a waste or somehow less-than the moments I’m living now. Being single is fun. Being in a relationship is fun too. Choose your magic and your poison, because there’s a little of both in either state of being.

However, I do think some rules are a great idea. Just not the ones you read from a book. I am and always will be a huge advocate of taking some time to sit down and brainstorm on what your own rules for life are going to be. Not based on religion’s rules, your parent’s rules, your political party’s rules or even books like “The Rules” but your own set of conduct to live by. I believe we’re all inherently good so it does without saying (but apparently not without typing) that these rules should of course not be malicious, but other then the intent to hurt – I say make up your own rules.

Drafting Your Own Rules or “Declaration of Inter-dependence”
One thing I suggest is coming up with your own rules by answering some important questions that you come up with (or borrow to get you started from the ones below). That way you’ll have a drafted document of your own to rule by.

• How do I want to date?
• What qualities are important to me in a partner (and do they extend beyond biceps and bank accounts?)?
• What does the pace of the relationship feel like?
• What can I and will I offer my partner?
• What’s my strategy when things get tough?
• How will I handle anger or misunderstandings with my partner?

When you take the time to think about how you’d like to experience and then navigate a relationship, you can recognize a great one more easily when it comes along. You’ll also have a draft of your rules to refer to – a kind of Declaration of your own Inter-dependence.

If you make the rules, then you can be sure you’ll live by them. Or at least know why you’re doing what you’re doing as you move through life on your own terms, not according to old beliefs you’ve never pondered.

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous selves.  Her ALL NEW Home Study Course SIX WEEKS TO DATING SUCCESS is six weeks of coaching at your own pace to improve all your relationships, especially dating and is available now. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: http://theduchessguide.com/

SMW DUCHESS DIGEST INSPIRATION

Duchess Digest: Cinderella Was A Liar!

Duchess Digest: Five Ways to Defuse Difficulty

Duchess Digest: I Am Not Carrie Bradshaw!

Women, take heed: the breakup doesn’t bode well for you, either.

Heck, if Canalis can’t keep Clooney happy, what chance do you have?

And therein lies what I euphemistically call the Clooney Conundrum:

Is there any woman who is good enough for him to marry?

If in fact he wants to break his bachelor streak — and there is no indication he does — Clooney must first come to terms with some of the habits that hold him back. Here are a few:

1. She’s got to be beautiful.
No doubt about it: actors and other powerful, charismatic men attract all women. Even if one is interesting, another who is beautiful more than likely will win his heart. Sorry, that’s just the law of attraction. Men are wired visually, women are wired intelligently.

A smart man knows that beauty comes and goes, and seeks depth in a woman’s personality, especially if he’s looking for a long-term committed relationship. That begs the question: if a man can’t look beyond beauty, does that mean his goals are short term?

2. She’s always much younger than him.
Canalis is seventeen years younger than Clooney. His girlfriend before her, Sarah Larson, was  also seventeen years younger. There was an eleven year difference between him and another former girlfriend, the British model Lisa Snowdon. His only marriage —  for five years, to actress Talia Balsam, who is two years older — occurred when he was twenty-eight.

Lesson here: the difference in age can play a part in your relationship’s happiness. Having interests in common and being on lockstep on big issues like career and family desires can lead to comittment.

3. Her career can’t overshadow his.
Besides beauty, Canalis, is well educated, and comes from a great family: her father is a radiologist, and her mother teaches classical literature. And she is an actor in her own right. The rigorous demands of this career is few that an acting couple can survive, let alone one  in which one partner’s career is in the stratosphere, and the other is still on the launching pad.

4. He hangs more with his pals than with her.
Clooney loves hanging with his posse, and that’s great.  His Ocean‘s movies are filled with his actor pals. But some guys can never be alone: even when he’s with you.

5. He’s already made up his mind about marriage: It ain’t for him.
In fact, George Clooney famously bet both Nicole Kidman and Michelle Pfeiffer $10,000 apiece that he would still be unmarried and childless when he turned 40 in 2001. ”If anyone wants to make the same bet for when I’m 50,” he said that same year, ”get in touch.”  No surpirse: He won the bet, too.

A friend once told me: “You keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.”

If you’re stuck in a rut, only you can pull yourself out of it.

Remember, ladies: just because a guy is doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again when it comes to his relationships doesn’t mean you have to, too.

In other words, don’t fall in love with perpetual bachelors. Spend your time finding men who would consider commitment with the right woman: you.

______________________________________

Josie Brown is SingleMindedWomen.com’s  Relationships channel editor.

She is also the author of SECRET LIVES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES,, soon to be a dramatic television series on ABC, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.

Josie’s other novels include THE BABY PLANNER,  IMPOSSIBLY TONGUE-TIED, and TRUE HOLLYWOOD LIES.

OTHER SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES

15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Are You Wasting Time with Mr. Wrong?

Finding Mr. Right: It’s Mind Over Matter

Five Typical Myths about Mr. Right

Finding Mr. Right: His Bromance vs. Your Romance

When You Rebound for All The Wrong Reasons

Finding Mr. Right: Are You Ready for Commitment?

Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No

Are you Dating a Relationship Terminator?

Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out–with Him

Finding Mr. Right: When Moving In Together Works

Always a Bridesmaid? 5 Must-Do’s Before Your “I Do”

Finding Mr. Right: Will “Pink Viagra” Give Us Ladies a Lusty Libido?

The Cougar Phenomenon: From Men to Boys

Menopausal? Here’s How to Keep That Lusty Libido!

A cute meet between Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks is a no-brainer. In fact, why hadn’t some smart movie studio thought of putting the two of them together, before Larry Crowne?

You’ll find this movie in a theater near you, beginning Friday, June 17, 2011.

The plot is a winner: Larry is middle-aged guy who just so happens to be good at his job, but gets laid off anyway. To fight back, he goes back to college — and falls in love with a quirky teacher who is stalemated in her job, too….

Until she meets Larry, and gets a new point of view on life.

Check out the video here, below. To enter the contest, email us at info@SingleMindedWomen.com with the answer to this question: What is Julia Roberts’ profession in this movie?

All correct answers will be placed in a drawing for:

-  a $50 Visa gift card; and

- Larry Crowne T-shirt & Notebook

The drawing takes place midnight Pacific Time on Tuesday, July 5, 2o11, and announced the next day.

In that respect–and so many others–Bridesmaids, the comedy starring Saturday Night Live regular Kristin Wiig (who also co-wrote the script, along with Annie Mumolo) earns that moniker in ways that other films (cough-Sex and the City I, II, or any number–cough) never could.

But this movie isn’t a romance. And it certainly isn’t a bromance. Call it a womance: a movie with a hilarious plot that demonstrates the lengths women will go to, in order to show their love for their BFFs–even as one gets her happily ever after, and the other feels kicked to the curb because of it.

Wiig plays Annie, who keeps her chin up when hit with the news that Lillian, her best friend since elementary school, is getting married, even as Annie’s life is falling apart. Her cake business has failed. Her boyfriend has walked out. Her room mate and his freeloading sister (Matt Lucas and Rebel Wilson, whose turn-of-the-phrase brings to mind fellow British subject Russell Brand) are driving her crazy. She hates her job at a jewelry store, and she doesn’t even have the cash to fix her brake lights–let alone take on the expense of a take-charge maid-of-honor.

Yes, the role was written for Wiig. Even so, I can’t imagine another actress who could have played a better Annie. Wiig is pretty in a real way. Unlike some of Hollywood’s better-known beauties who have been seen in chick lit roles that, a decade ago, would have been played by Meg Ryan or Julia Roberts, she doesn’t have to dye her hair brown or lay off the mascara in order to look like the girl next door. And whereas Wiig’s quirky cuteness is reminiscent of Ryan’s, her comic timing rivals that of Ellen Degeneres.

The role of the bride called for a funny lady who could show emotional pathos. Maya Rudolph is perfect, for all the right reasons: she’s not stunningly beautiful, either in or out of her wedding dress; and she isn’t the one going bridezilla on everyone.

As the the wife of the groom’s boss, Rose Byrne’s preciously prim Ellen pulls out all stops in her quest to win the title of Lillian’s new BFF. Her relationship with Annie starts off on a wrong note–literally–and the competition between the two gets fiercer in each subsequent scene, always with hilarious consequences.

Lillian’s other bridesmaids are also well cast. As her cousin Rita, Wendi McClendon-Covey views the bacheleorette party as a weekend pass away from a sexless marriage and her three prepubescent boys, who, she claims, spew enough semen to harden and “break a blanket.” Rita’s take on marriage has newlywed Becca, played by Ellie Kemper, suddenly realizing that being joined at the hip with her new hubby is not all it’s cracked up to be. Kemper’s role in Bridesmaid has the same sort of breakout potential as The Hangover had for Ed Helms, her cast mate in The Office.

As the fifth bridesmaid, Megan, Melissa McCarthy is the female equivalent of Zack Galifianakas in The Hangover. Yes in this film she’s homely, crude, and the butt (literally and figuratively) of many of the movie’s jokes, but she’s got the heart and soul to pull it off without grossing us out…too badly.

What with his bedroom prowess and fuck-buddy attitude toward women, Hamm’s character, Ted, is this century’s answer to his Mad Men character, Don Draper–and this makes him anything but the romantic lead. That honor goes to Irish actor Chris O’Dowd, who plays a cop with a soft spot for Annie, even if she can’t appreciate it at first.

This being a woman’s film, love wins out over lust–but the most important relationship in the movie is that between gal pals Annie and Lillian.

I think it apropos that Jill Clayburgh–the star of the last generation’s female coming-of-age films An Unmarried Woman and Starting Over–got to  play Wiig’s mother in the film. Sadly, this was Clayburgh’s last film.  The role was a small one, but Clayburgh gave it the quirky sweetness and depth that had you believing that she and Wiig truly could have been mother and daughter.

Speaking of The Hangover: After seeing this, I feel sorry for the upcoming sequel to last year’s bromance hit.  It had a lot to live up to, even before Bridesmaids hit the big screen.

The ladies may have come first, but I’m guessing they’ll have the last laugh of the summer.

Bridesmaids opens in theaters everywhere on Friday, May 13, 2011.

Click here to watch Bridesmaids

___________________________________________________

Josie Brown is SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor. Her most recent novel, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, is in bookstores everywhere.

Her next novel, The Baby Planner, is  in bookstores now. You can read an excerpt here…

More SMW Articles

Are You a Wedding Slut?

My Relationship Advice for Katy Perry and Russell Brand

Marriage Over 40: More Boomer Singletons Are Shedding Spinsterhood

All of these unanswered questions can be very intimidating. We’ve all been there.

I am here to tell you that finding the answers to these questions is easier than you think. Face Reading, the ancient psychological system of understanding a person’s character from his or her facial features, can help you turn this date into a highly- accurate preview of how your relationship will play out in the long run. If you know what to look for, you can begin to fully understand him at just a glance.

In my 20 years of experience, I have read more than 6,000 faces in over 300 classes to identify specific psychological meanings for each facial feature… meanings that I will now disclose to you in hopes that you will utilize them to their full potential in finding your perfect match.

The Intimacy Quotient

Striking good looks and high-paying careers aside, intimacy plays an incredibly important role in any successful relationship. Deciding if your companion’s intimacy style is conducive to your own could save you months or even years of confusion and heartache. Of all facial features, the lips are the strongest indicator of one’s romantic character. For your convenience, I have narrowed it down to five styles of intimacy:

1. 1. Wide, full lips, (see: President Obama) – A man with this type of mouth will be affectionate, generous and warm. Expect lots of adorable cuddling and luxurious shoulder massages.
2. 2. Small lips, (see: Russell Crowe) – This guy’s mouth is the same width or smaller than his nose. He tends to be self-absorbed and narcissistic. If you are going to invite him up to your place, make sure your apartment is big enough for his ego, too.
3. 3. Large lower lip, (see: Brad Pitt) – The answer to your question, ladies, is yes, he is as sensual as you are imagining. You can also take comfort in knowing your secrets are safe with this gentleman. He is an excellent listener and confidant.
4. 4. Thin lips, (see: Christian Bale) – Remember when Mr. Bale freaked out on that guy from his movie crew? Not surprising. Thin-lipped men are terse and business-like. Be prepared to have a hard time finding this one’s gooey center.
5. 5. Pouty lower lip, (see: Elvis Presley) – His style is as sexy as his mouth. Prepare for sultry, seductive evenings by the fire. The King wasn’t lying about that burning love.

It is important to know that not all mouths are created equally, and some can be downright dangerous. Being able to identify these kinds of lips could prevent a broken heart or worse:

1. 1. Tight mouth, - If you see this guy clenching his teeth and flexing his jaw (the rage muscle), run, don’t walk. His tight mouth means he has underlying aggression, so steer clear.
2. 2. Turned up corners, (a.k.a. “Joker Mouth”) – There is nothing funny about this man’s tendency to be emotionally oppressive. This mouth could be a reflection of his controlled, criticized childhood. Be careful that you don’t let him project this experience onto you.

Each feature reveals a little part of his character, but remember to look at his whole face for a complete understanding; lips are just one determining factor in your compatibility with a potential mate.

The 70/30 Ratio

Facial similarities can also determine how romantically compatible two people are. If 70 percent of your features are similar to those of your companion, it is likely the relationship will be naturally harmonious. Don’t worry; you don’t need to be identical to live happily ever after. There are five levels of similarity:

• Exact match – Both of you have blonde hair.
• Intensity – One person has dark blue eyes and the other has dark brown eyes
• Shape – Both partners have rounded chins.
• Texture – You both have curly hair or thick eyebrows.
• Radiance – You each have similar degree of warmth radiating from your eyes. (Look at this as a barometer for the soul.)

As for the other 30 percent of your characteristics, they leave room for the spark and chemistry that opposition can add to a partnership.

So now that you have this incredible dating advantage, you can sit back, relax and enjoy your dinner knowing just how compatible the two of you will be.

____________________________________________________

Barbara Roberts was co-winner of the Hewing Medical Award for Research at the UCSD School of Medicine, co-publishing abstracts and papers in OB/GYN. Using her clinical background and psychological orientation, (Phi Beta Kappa, Magna Cum Laude from Case Western Reserve), she developed her unique Face Reading system – the only one to honor all ethnic groups, ages and genders. She has appeared on more than 50 national and local TV shows, including the Tyra Banks Show and NBC Nightly News. Her books, “Face Reading: What Does Your Face Say?” and “Face Reading: How to Know Anyone at a Glance,” sell internationally. For more information, visit http://facereading1.com/.

]]> http://singlemindedwomen.com/women-relationships/face-reading-barbara-roberts/feed/ 0 http://singlemindedwomen.com/women-relationships/royal-wedding-kate-middleton/ http://singlemindedwomen.com/women-relationships/royal-wedding-kate-middleton/#comments Fri, 22 Apr 2011 02:06:59 +0000 Josie Brown http://singlemindedwomen.com/?p=44168 On Friday, April 29, 2011, commoner Kate Middleton will take the vows that will wed her to the second in line to the British royal thrown, Prince William of Wales.

She won his heart in anything but the old-fashioned way: which, by definition, is being of royal blood herself–and chosen, perhaps even by birth, by his royal family, in order to secure a dynasty.

My, how times have changed.

The prince and his fiancee met in college, became friends first, then confidants and roommates, before falling in love.

Just the fact that she may not even be a virgin shows how modern this real life fairy tale is.

If the same rules had applied thirty years prior–when Prince William’s mother married his father, Charles, Prince of Wales–her tragic ending may have never occurred.

Then again, she may never had caught his eye in the first place, as he already been married his long-time lover Camilla Shand (then Parker-Bowles).

Will Princess Kate keep a diary? Let’s all hope so. And if so, here’s hoping she stays true to her own modest roots and tells it like it is, warts and all, as to what it’s like to live in a castle with a real live prince.

One way to stay true to her relationship to Prince William is to do a few things that her predecessors who married into the family (Diana Spencer, for one) weren’t able to do: be true to herself.

In that regard, here are a few suggestions for keeping this marriage real as opposed to “storybook”:

1. Always talk through your issues.
Don’t hold back in expressing your concerns, issues, or questions. And certainly don’t let others speak for you. The bond you share is only as strong as the love and trust you share. Always remember: if you have to hold your tongue or speak through others, you will never be heard.

2. Give each other some space–but come back together.
We all need space from our spouses. Royals are no different. But at the end of the day, coming together to share your experiences and perspectives makes the heart grow fonder, and secures the love you share.

3. Make love, not war.
Stay intimate. The best reason to do so: men open up after sex.  That said,  don’t withhold love as a weapon. At the same time, never use sex as a reward. It’s the quickest way to lose his trust. Once you do, you’ll have a hard time regaining it–if you ever do.

4. Keep your goals in sync.
Yes, he lives a unique life. You knew that going into it. If it isn’t your cuppa, speak up now, or forever hold your peace. And yes, the same goes for him: he fell in love with you because you are one in a million. Love, honor and respect goes both ways.

5. Treat your spouse as your best friend.
You will trust your best friend. You will be there for them, especially during hard times. You will be honest with your closest confident. The fact that he is a future heir to the throne should not intimidate you. It is just as important that he hold onto your trust as it is for him to hold onto yours.  Together, you’ve sworn to a lifetime of love. When all is said and done, that is the most important thing in the world.

______________________________________

Josie Brown is SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor. Her most recent novel, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, is in bookstores everywhere.

Her next novel, The Baby Planner, is  in bookstores now. You can read an excerpt here…

More SMW Articles

Are You a Wedding Slut? 3 Telltale Signs

Is It Okay to Cheat on Him?

Elizabeth Taylor: Why Richard Burton Was Her Greatest Love