We had a great guest expert and she shared the idea that balance is not making every part of your life equal (as I had previously always thought it was) but about utilizing the majority of your time to do the thing that make you feel best.

The idea that we should spend the majority of our time doing what makes us happy – and that doing so makes us well balanced, blew my mind! Also the idea that what makes us happy and what constitutes balance can change over a lifetime was a new idea too! I’ve always thought that if we want it all as women, we want it all at the same time. But this isn’t necessarily true. I’ve been feeling guilty lately for being so happy alone. And even worse when I broke off a short term experiment in dating because quite honestly, I didn’t have the time and was genuinely happier being on my own. I have been feeling an odd sense of guilt over my genuine happiness with my life, my career that I love, my amazing friends and my generally fun and fabulous life. How can I be so happy and still be so single? I was previously the most depressed single woman alive; no man, no life. That was my mantra.

What?!

Shock of shock, horror of horrors! Could this really be me; actually embracing single life? Me? CHOOSING, nay insisting, upon being single? This is not the person I had come to know and be so comfortable with over the last few years.

And so I got spooked. I was scared. I have always known that I want to be a mom and have a family and be married. I love decorating and baking and being domestic. I’m quite proud of that side of me.

So had I just been single too long? Was this previously held domestic notion of myself no longer going to be a possibility if at the moment I was so content being single? Nearly thirty now, would I be alone and single and career driven forever and have to forfeit my previous dreams of motherhood to this new selfish, content and confident diva?

What I realized Tuesday night on my radio show is that the answer is an unequivocal NO! Life is about phases and cycles, ebb and flow and experiences. Just because I feel totally well balanced and complete as a single woman does not mean I will never want to date again, or be in a relationship again. It just means that balance for me, right now, is the gentle line between me, myself and I. We’ve all heard of the term the “seven year itch” for men in relationships? Maybe this is my “seven year bitch” cycle. If bitch means a woman confidently holding her own in life, then count me among the lucky.

I’m single, I’m proud and as Diana Ross belted out for us loud and proud in 1980, I’m coming out!

–Jill Brown

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide, to join the free weekly newsletter or to purchase the all new Duchess e-book “Thirty Days to a Balanced Reign!” visit: www.theduchessequation.com

SMW DUCHESS DIGEST INSPIRATION

Duchess Digest: Failure Is Never Final

Duchess Digest: Yes, You Can!

Duchess Digest: Breaking Bad

Merona Elna Embellished Thong Sandals, $19.99, Target

These ultra-comfy sandals tiptoe the line between causal and dress. Worn with jeans or shorts, they are great for running errands and lounging in the sun. Change into a cotton sundress and you will instantly transform into a chic night look.

Boca Jeweled Flip-Flops, $24.50, J. Crew

When it comes to updating classic pieces, no one does it better than J. Crew. Case in point, this simple flip flop. By adding a little foot bling to these otherwise simple sandals, J. Crew steps up to the challenge.

Pyramid-Embossed Flip-Flops, $3.50, Old Navy

For those ladies looking to look cute without breaking the bank, Old Navy once again comes to the rescue. This year they have taken the staple rubber flip-flop and tricked it out with a little bit of embellishing. The result? A modern take on an always popular shoe.

More SMW Fashion Advice:

Fashion Under $50: Spring Into This Season’s Denim Trends!

Fashion Under $50: Summer Pastels

Online Fashion Sites You’ll Love

The point is that she is already looking at wedding dresses, wedding rings. She is talking marriage and I don’t know if it is too soon.

I understand that sometimes people know right away who they want to marry, but is there ever a point when it is too soon? Can you know right away that you are meant to be with someone?

–Maggie

The 19th annual New Orleans Wine & Food Experience (NOWFE) kicks off summer with its five-day extravaganza May 25–29, 2010. If food and wine is your forte, the NOWFE is for you. Featuring over 175 wineries, 1000 wines, and dozens of international wine and food experts, the NOWFE also raises over $125,000 annually for local charities. Take in one of the wine and food seminars, enjoy wine dinners at some of the cities most celebrated restaurants, or participate in a one-of-a-kind wine tasting events. Event tickets and special hotel packages can now be reserved at www.nowfe.com.

If soft-shell crabs make your mouth water, the 3rd annual Louisiana Seafood Festival is not to be missed. The crab and crawish feast takes place June 11–13. Enjoy the seafood festival in the heart of New Orleans and feast on the abundance of seafood that plays a tremendous part in the heritage and culture of the city. From the traditional Louisiana shrimp po’boy to classic New Orleans crawfish étouffée, seafood lovers will never forget this experience.

The 8th anniversary event of Tales of the Cocktail takes place July 21–25, 2010. Tales of the Cocktail is an internationally acclaimed festival of cocktails, cuisine and culture held annually in New Orleans. The event brings together award-winning mixologists, authors, bartenders, chefs and designers for a five-day celebration of the history and artistry of making drinks. Each year offers a Spirited Dinner® series, demos, tastings, competitions, seminars, book signings, tours and parties all perfectly paired with some of the best cocktails ever made.

When my parents needed to get out of town, they packed us up, put us on the plane and off we went – no worry, no fear, no problem. I was the kid with her nose pressed against the glass window at the gate watching the planes take off and land. I ran down the corridor and counted the rows to my seat, and insisted on the window seat so I could ‘ride on the clouds.’

It’s no wonder I grew up to become a travel writer.

I’ve flown on airplanes of all sizes -from 9-seat Cessnas to 200+ seat Boeings – and I’m still amazed at the physics that make planes fly. But, I always wondered how technology kept up with the times. Today’s planes are computer-controlled and require little pilot force for aviation, but what happens if the technology fails? Can the technology fail? The simple answer is: it’s very unlikely.

I recently had the opportunity to go inside Virgin America’s Airbus 320 and explore the unknown first hand. I curled up in the engine, crawled in the cargo hold and sat in the cockpit, where I got first-hand information on all the gadgets and gizmos that make these steel wonders fly. While I’m not afraid to fly, checking out the cockpit and talking with the engineers actually made me feel more comfortable about being on a plane (and only intensified my desire to go to flight school).

Your luggage goes here!

Still, the fear of flying is real and can stand alone or stem from a fear of heights, claustrophobia, strange sounds, crowds and of course, terrorism. But understanding how a plane operates can help ease the anxiety during flights. Let’s look at some statistics:

• Your chances of being involved in an aircraft accident are approximately 1 in 11 million. Your chances of being killed in an automobile accident are 1 in 5000. You do the math.
• Airplanes are designed and engineered to handle all types of environments, including rain, snow, storms and of course, turbulence. Turbulence is the usually at the top of flyers ‘hate’ lists, but keep this in mind: Ninety-nine percent of turbulence injuries are from unfastened seatbelts, or falling luggage. During one flight with intense turbulence a pilot turned to me and said, “This doesn’t hurt the plane anymore than a speedbump hurts your car.”

So, how to can you conquer your fear of flying (for at least the duration of time it takes to fly to your destination)?

Kicking back in the engine

Here are my tips:

1. Be honest. If you’re scared, say so. The reality is – everyone will understand. Make sure you tell the flight attendant when you sit down, as they will check on you from time-to-time and ensure you’re doing OK. If you’re flying alone, tell the person sitting next to you that you’re nervous. You’ll find that strangers fast become friends when you need some comfort.
2. Choose the right seat. The front of the plane or over the wings are generally your best bet. One caveat: While the ride might be smooth over the wings, it is also one of the loudest areas. If the sounds are going to bother you it’s best to sit near the front of the plane.
3. Use your numbers. Therapists and hypnotists use numbers and mantras to help calm anxiety. If panic sets in, close your eyes and start counting. Breathe in for three seconds, and out for three seconds… repeat until you feel at ease.
4. Bring entertainment. Don’t get on the plane without some distractions. Get a good book, some trashy magazines, crossword puzzles, etc. The more occupied you are with other things, the less focused you’ll be on the flight.
5. Create a playlist. Before you leave home, create a playlist of your favorite songs on your MP3. When you get ancy, turn on your MP3 and rock out… you’ll forget you’re on a plane and start practicing your GRAMMY acceptance speech.

Travel is meant to be a fun and unique adventure. Don’t let the fear of the unknown prevent you from seeing the world!

The hotel is bringing the world of Curious George to life with it’s “Curious Kids” package that includes:

• Deluxe overnight accommodations
• Four tickets to Boston Children’s Museum (including the new “Let’s Get Curious! exhibit)
• Milk and Cookies delivered to guestroom, upon request
• One complimentary in-room family movie
• Map of Boston for pint-sized travelers
• Complimentary use of pool and health club

Rates start at $189 per night and package is available for Friday and Saturday stays only from 3/5 – 12/30/2010.  Reservations can be made at www.RenaissanceBoston.com by entering promotional code FML, or by calling 1-800-HOTELS1 and asking for the “Curious Kids” package.

The Renaissance Boston Waterfront Hotel is within walking distance to the Boston’s Children Museum, New England Aquarium, Institute of Contemporary Art and more.  Don’t forget to take a ferry boat tour while you’re in town, and don’t leave Boston without taking a ride on the swan boats!

Ladies, what do you do if you are in a rut?

It’s so hard to love somebody, but at the same time know that you need to do something about the situation. The horrible contradiction in relationships is loving someone but hurting them simultaneously.

When you are in a rut is it best to keep it a secret or tell your guy you feel trapped? Can you love him and hurt him at the same time?

–Maggie

Last weekend my roommate went to visit her boyfriend’s family and was reintroduced to his sister-in-law. My roommate isn’t too much of a fan of her, especially because she seems to have her husband whipped.

One of my concerns is becoming “that” girl. I would hate to be someone who rules her marriage with an iron fist. Yes, I love things to go my way, but I understand that it can’t always be that way.

How do you balance being a strong assertive woman without becoming too controlling?

–Maggie

Choosing Your References

But is this how it really works? Unfortunately, the answer seems to be no.

One of the nation’s leading reference checking and employment verification firms, Allison & Taylor, indicates many people end up with bad personal references that derail their chances of landing a job.

“People spend a lot of time working on their resume, brushing up their interview skills, and networking during job searches, but many fail to select their professional references carefully,” says Heidi Allison, the firm’s president. “We check references for clients and approximately half of our calls to former employers produce an unexpected bad reference. The bottom line is that people need to select their references more carefully.”

Allison says there is a common misperception that, when contacted for a reference, former employers will only verify if a person previously worked for them and provide her or his job title.

Achievable, Measurable, Realistic

The way to reach a goal is to break down a desire into action steps. Each of those steps will lead to the next in achieving your goal. And, each step should be achievable, with measurable results that are realistically attainable. This works for marathons, money matters, relationship skills…anything you want to achieve can be broken down in this way.

Let’s talk money. If you want to diversify your investment portfolio by 2011 (or you want to START an investment portfolio) ask yourself these questions:

Is it achievable?

Are the results measurable?

Are the results I’ve set realistic?

Is it achievable to diversify, or to start? Yes. Now make it measurable by setting a date and quantity. For instance, resolve to take 20% of the portfolio and put it in new types of investments by June 15, 2010. Lastly, ask yourself: are those numbers realistic to achieve in six month’s time? If so, you’ve got a clear goal.

Results in Action

Now set some action items that will help you achieve it. What needs to go into this goal to make it happen? Consider your level of knowledge, and what information it will take to achieve your goal. Then write down concrete tasks you can complete, all guided by dates and times. For instance,

- Over five weeks, reach out to five financial planners and ask what they are recommending to their clients.

- Every Saturday morning, spend a half hour on Kiplingers Personal Finance page.

- Calendar dates to spend a half hour talking to two of your closest friends and family whose advice you trust.

- From your research, plan out the action steps you are choosing to get your portfolio diversified by 20%.

- Then invest.

© 2010 SingleMindedWomen.com All rights reserved. Permission to reprint this article must be obtained from SingleMindedWomen.com

More Financial Advice For Single Women

Getting Honest About Your Money

Best Money Management Books for Single Women

A Single-Minded Savings Plan