Helping Single Moms Decode Their Child’s Personality Style
By Melissa Chapman
Can you imagine talking to your kids and getting them to do what you want with less effort? According to Brian Klemmer, relationship guru and the author of The Compassionate Samurai: Being Extraordinary in an Ordinary World, understanding and identifying the four most common child personality types can play a huge part in helping you improve your communication with them.
“Imagine speaking English to a Chinese speaking person and then getting frustrated because they don’t understand you. This is exactly what it’s like when you communicate from your personality style to your child’s style and assume that her personality style is identical to yours,” says Klemmer. “Understanding that not everyone thinks the way you do increases your empathy and understanding for others and also reduces your frustration and irritation.”
Klemmer has identified four distinct personality profiles.
A “Controller” personality likes control. They like to be organized, achieve results, go for the bottom line and usually think in terms of effectiveness. They are motivated by results and challenge and only want to know “what” needs to be done. Never tell them how to do something. They know how; their way.
An “Analytic” is a very even keel, reasonable and logical person. They tend to be neat, meticulous, very precise, love structure and want to know how to do something so they can do it “right”. They are slow to make a decision and are motivated by logical decisions.
A “Supporter” is a very relationship oriented person. Being in connection with you is their highest priority. They want everyone to get along and be one happy unit. What motivates them is caring and friendship.
A “Promoter” is a high energy creative, spontaneous person who loves to be different and hates structure. They are motivated by an activity being “fun” and a challenge.
So how do you recognize what personality type your child is? Klemmer advises single Moms to look at their child’s behavior for clues. Are they dominant or easy going? For example; if your child interrupts you during a conversation they are either a controller taking control or a promoter simply excited about something. An analytic wouldn’t do that because it violates structure and a supporter wouldn’t do it because it would risk the relationship or hurt your feelings.
Once you identify your child’s personality style Klemmer recommends that single Mom’s learn how to communicate in their child’s personality style. Like anything else it may take some practice, but once single Moms can master it, they’ll be better equipped to identify where their child is coming from and be quicker to respond to her needs.
Here is an example of just how single Moms can implement their personality style knowledge in a very common situation with their kids; doing homework.
The Promoter child. For this child you need to make homework fun. Perhaps make a game out of it and give gold stars as rewards that are redeemable for prizes or extra privileges. Don’t be surprised if they have the hip hop music playing while they do it.
The Supporter child. For supporter child is all about the relationship so it will probably be best if they do their homework in the dining room while you are nearby so they feel “connected”. They’ll enjoy talking with you as they do their homework.
The Controller child. A “controller” is just the opposite. They want their space and they want to do it their way. Set some parameters around results and expectations you have and let them do it their way. You may even want to challenge them that you are not sure something is possible, but if anyone could do it they could. Do they want to take it on? Odds are they will say they will show you how it’s done.
The Analytic child. The “analytics” love structure so you will need to tell them where the best place is to study and how much time they should spend on their homework.
Have fun with this and be patient with yourself and others,” says Klemmer. “You’ll probably be surprised at how quickly you can identify where your child is coming from.”
What parent wouldn’t love that! For more information about Brian Klemmer check out: www.klemmer.com
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