Online Dating for Single Women: Are You Safe?
By Robert Siciliano
Studies show online dating and matchmaking services in general are growing even in a recession. Many single women are logging in and attending speed dating sessions more than ever before. There are a couple of reasons for the increase in online dating. One, it is cheaper to join a service than it is to spend all kinds of money on a dinner and a bad blind date. Second, people want the comfort of being with someone in turbulent times. Having a companion to share in the fear, uncertainty and doubt can help people vent and find relief in each other.
However, in our never ending quest to Find Mr. Right, the one under-discussed, over looked and “it can’t happen to me” aspect of being on the dating scene is your personal security, and that of your children. In fact, online dating is one way pedophiles find their next victims (through unsuspecting single mothers looking for love and perhaps a male role model for their children).
This is a topic most avoid and few embrace. The very idea of being in the presence of a bad seed and your safety being vulnerable is not something we care to acknowledge. However, ironically, there’s something fundamental about taking control of your personal security and understanding your options in regards to personal protection that actually helps you find the right mate.
Let’s start at the beginning. Humans have basic needs. These needs must be met in order to achieve a healthy relationship. To begin, as a species we require food, water, sleep, and even sex! Secondary to that is our safety and security needs. These include personal security, stability and protection. Once our physiological and safety needs are met and satisfied we can begin to actualize the third layer of human needs which is our “love and belongingness needs” or our “social needs”. Your social life consists of emotionally based relationships such as friendship and those who we are intimate with.
The point is if you aren’t feeling secure with yourself, with the world, with your personal security, you will fail to find security in an intimate relationship. A healthy, satisfying relationship starts with you taking control of your personal security. Once you do that, every other decision in life is relatively simple.
As the saying goes, “water seeks its own level” which means unhealthy, insecure people seek each other out; this often leads to destructive relationships. But what’s worse is insecure people often seek out destructive, unhealthy and sometimes violent people. We’ve all read the story, the single woman or single mom who couldn’t break the cycle of always settling for less, and winds up a statistic.
Healthy, conscious, right minded people don’t settle for less and can sense “bad” from a mile away. They are secure, and often are aware of their personal security as well. When something doesn’t look or seem right, they pay attention to their senses and get themselves out of what may become a dangerous situation. They cut their losses and chalk it up to a learning experience. Others get deeper into destruction.
There is a clear parallel here between what would be considered a healthy potential mate, and a predator that has nothing but bad intentions. The good guy actively pursues what he believes to be his heart and does things to romance his potential mate. The bad guy does the same thing but in the name of personal gain, manipulation and evil. Predators will target anyone who will give them their time and attention. Often a smooth talking good looking guy, who is a predator, may win over the attention of a healthy and conscious woman, but she will soon see there’s something wrong with the guy. Whereas an unhealthy woman who is unsure of her personal security will settle for less and in some cases put her and her children at risk. Sadly, sometimes loneliness trumps consciousness.
It is an unfortunate fact of life that too many people fall into these traps and are unable to get themselves out, until something bad happens. However, there are a number of things you can and should do to take charge of your personal safety. First, make sure (continued)
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Robert Siciliano is a Security Consultant to Intelius.com. He has appeared on The Today Show, CBS Early Show, Montel, Tyra, Maury and on CNN, MSNBC, CNBC and Fox News. See Robert in action on E! True Hollywood Stories Investigates “Dating Nightmares” HERE . He can be reached at Robert@IDTheftSecurity.com