1. Become an investigator. Whenever I found myself on a date with a nice guy who I respected but knew would never inspire fireworks, I switched into “reporter” mode. Instead of being on a first date, I pretended I was there to learn more about the man in front of me—what were his likes? Dislikes? What made him tick? With the pressure off to determine if this was my Mr. Right—and replacing it with my new goal of mining story material—I could end the evening feeling that my time spent was worthwhile,  and fully worth blow-drying my hair for.

2. Become a reality TV show participant. If my date was truly unpleasant—but not rude or disrespectful—I would pretend I was on a reality TV show. When my date would wipe a booger from his nose without a tissue or complain about his boss for 10 minutes straight, I would turn to a pretend camera (off to the side) and give a look, like, “Can you believe this guy?” or “Are you getting this on film?” By doing so, it was almost like having a witness at the table that allowed me to find the humor in the moment rather than having to wait hours for the post-mortem with a girlfriend.

3. Become a magician (and disappear.) If a date was downright obnoxious—rude to me or others around me—I learned to leave. It might seem obvious, but a lot of us women stay and sit it out. We got dressed up nice, we’re here, and as horrible as the guy is, we don’t want to be RUDE by up-and-leaving. But, ultimately, there are people who don’t deserve our time, and I finally learned that it’s okay to say, “You know, this isn’t working out. Here’s my share of the dinner cost,” and then exiting. You will never regret leaving a date where the man treated you poorly.
On the plus side, navigating bad dates helps us find our tolerance limits and forces us to come up with creative strategies on handling life’s messier moments. And, come on, admit it: the worst date nights of all end up giving us a stable of comic stories to dish out for our friends and loved ones. They become our little social treasures.

________________________________________________________

Michelle Cove is the director of Seeking Happily Ever After, a feature-length documentary that explores why there are more single women than ever in the U.S. and whether women are redefining happily ever after. See http://www.seekinghappilyeverafter.com (and please take the 3-minute questionnaire while you’re there). Michelle is also a journalist and bestselling author, working currently on a self-help book based on her research from Seeking Happily Ever After.

Watch this “behind the scenes” clip for Michelle’s Seeking Happily Ever After…

OTHER SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES

15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Finding Mr. Right: His Bromance vs. Your Romance

When You Rebound for All The Wrong Reasons

Finding Mr. Right: Are You Ready for Commitment?

Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No

Are you Dating a Relationship Terminator?

Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out–with Him

Finding Mr. Right: Will “Pink Viagra” Give Us Ladies a Lusty Libido?

THE BACHELOR’s Prince Charming Falls Off His Horse

Finding Mr. Right: When Rebounding Is All Wrong

Regardless of the manner in which it took place, we’ve all experienced the agony and irritation of having our greatness sabotaged by another in some way. But wait. What’s that you say? You’ve never been on the receiving end of a little destruction? I am here to declare “Bollocks” to that response.

Actually, I’m here to call out the real perpetrator in the sabotage scenario. I’m talking about the most heinous, most clever, most sneaky and most deceitful destroyer to ever stalk the dark alleys of life. I’m talking about you!

How often have you been going along through life and suddenly realized . . . something’s amiss. Did you leave the stove on? Perhaps you didn’t unplug all your appliances and you are now solely responsible for global warming.

No. The house is fine, the family is great, work’s going well and your love life is even the perfect combination of domestic bliss and a Harlequin romance book cover. It is precisely in this moment of realizing the unthinkable, nay, the impossible that things get eerie: you’re happy.

Yep, you are ridiculously, healthily and totally drama-free happy. This is the point where you need to pause, take a deep breathe and start becoming very aware. Why you ask? Because this seems to be the point at which we women like to self-sabotage. So start to notice and pay close attention!

Maybe things are great at work and home but you notice you’re picking fights with your boyfriend. Unconsciously maybe, but instigating them just the same. Or perhaps your home life is good but you are uncharacteristically turning up late to work, missing deadlines or committing minor mistakes all over the office. You may even have work and home dialed in nicely but are suddenly skipping the gym, substituting M&M’s for veggies as a work snack and stopping for fast food more frequently. However your sneaky inner saboteur works – it’s up to you to go undercover, seek her out and stop her in her tracks!

We’ve all seen it! The finally happy and over-her-ex best friend of yours who out of the blue bumps into the icky ex and suddenly decides to call him; the richer than Midas Oprah who has it all and yet self-sabotages with food and exercise issues, even the looking-for-love Carrie Bradshaw who has to finally ask “perfect” Aidan on the street, “What’s wrong with you?”

Whichever form of proverbial poison you pick, awareness is the key to survival. The only way to stop self sabotage and truly live your bliss is to properly identify this formidable internal foe the moment she rears her ugly head. Success depends on you; so why not make us both proud and give up the destructor within!

–Jill Brown

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: www.theduchessguide.com

SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES

15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Three Sizzling Summer Chick Flicks

First Date: Letting Go of the Controls

Finding Mr. Right: When Moving In Together Works

Finding Mr. Right: His Bromance vs. Your Romance

When You Rebound for All The Wrong Reasons

Finding Mr. Right: Are You Ready for Commitment?

Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No

Not Close to Your Sister? Here’s How to Change That

Are you Dating a Relationship Terminator?

Always the Bridesmaid? Five Must-Do’s Before You Say “I Do”

Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out–with Him

Finding Mr. Right: Will “Pink Viagra” Give Us Ladies a Lusty Libido?

THE BACHELOR’s Prince Charming Falls Off His Horse

Dear Ooops!,
You’re right. You were his first relationship after his separation, and it was too soon for him to hear that you feel this way exclusively for him. Since he may still be processing his feelings after his divorce, the last thing he is ready to do is to know how he feels about you. At this point, if you push to hard, you will in fact push him away.

Before he can determine that you are the one and only relationship he wants, he needs to explore his options, which means dating others.

You, too have that option, and I would encourage you to explore them. Why? Because both of you have a say in whether a relationship between you is best for both of you.

If it is meant to be, he’ll come back around, and by then you’ll have determined that it’s right for you, too.

__________________________________________________

John Gray, Ph.D – the best selling relationship author of all time – is the author of 16 best-selling books including Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: one of the best-selling books of the last decade. In the past fifteen years, over 40 million Mars Venus books have been sold in over 45 languages throughout the world. His latest book Why Mars and Venus Collide. Visit his website at www.MarsVenusLiving.com

OTHER ARTICLES BY JOHN GRAY

John Gray Q&A: “He Stares at Other Women.”

John Gray Q&A: “Two Guys to Choose From”

John Gray Q&A: “My boyfriend doesn’t want to go home with me!”

And Jillian’s first date is with Kiptyn:

They do a challenge course–which includes standing on a very tall POLE and reaching for a trapeze. Believe it or not, Kiptyn walks her through it. Whatta guy! After talking her up to the pole, he tells her “Leap of faith”…he grabs his bar, but she misses…He will give her the promised kiss anyway…when they reach the end of the zip wire.

Her: “Today I saw a side of Kiptyn I’ve been waiting to see.” Not only is he’s nurturing, he’s sensitive, too.

Next up: Reid: a helicopter ride over the island! And guess what? The helicopter pilot is an ordained minister–who performs ceremonies! Whereas she can easily picture him, standing at the altar for her. But Reid feels things are moving too fast.

She loves that he makes her laugh. While they were supposed to be looking at the sites, they can’t take their eyes off each others….

But when she questions him, if, at the end will he be ready to propose, he laughs it off. Jilly: “As open-minded as he is, he hasn’t been able to say he can.”

Meet the Parents: Ed’s

Jilly’s got diarrhea of the mouth: is she nervous? In her walk out of the cliffs with Ed’s mom, Mom says she wonders if Ed is out of her element. At the same time Ed’s dad is giving him the 3rd degree: “What the hell are you doing out here?” But Dad comes around: He says he’s proud of Ed for turning back around and asking Jilly to take him back. By the end of the conversation, Ed says: “If she says I’m the one, I’ll ask her to marry me.”

Mom convinces Jilly that Ed is serious about her, because of his behavior around her.

Ed’s dad wants a shot at Jilly: He tells Jilly, tearfully, that he’s never seen Ed put his feelings on his shirtsleeves as he has, for her. “What you see is what you get.”

Jilly: “I couldn’t ask for anything to go better today.”

She compares Ed’s dad to her own, and asks him into the fantasy suite….

Of course, with all the tinny lights and candles on the balcony, it’s romantic as all get-out.

She: “I hope we can make it work.”

He: “I really don’t want my relationships to take a back seat. I would love for you to be the reason for me to not work….I’m here for you…I’m absolutely falling in love with you. I’ve never felt this way.”

Okay, they are on the bed…and oiling each other down…WITH THE CAMERAS ON THEM…. And that’s supposed to be romantic?…..

Jilly: “I think we were sunburned, exhausted, had a huge date….but that wasn’t there. This was the one person I wanted to be with this whole time, in this setting…”

Him: I was very nervous, and it didn’t happen. She could ask me to leave.”

Jilly: “It was my only opportunity to be alone with him, but we both wanted to fall asleep adn that confused me. Either the chemistry is not there, or else there is so much going through is mine that it took his mine off me.”

The mens’ video love letters are very touching. Kiptyn’s is confident and honest about his love for her. Reid’s is touching and tentative: that he wants her to keep him around.

Ed’s tells her that despite their “bumps” in the road” he’s ready to spend the rest of his life with her, and propose to her. that has her breathing heavy.

Rose ceremony:

Uh-OH! She asks Ed to the side: “That last night didn’t go the way we thought it would…” He convinces her he’ll deliver when it counts.

She gives Kiptyn the first rose. The second one goes to….

Ed.

Wow. Talk about a SAVE.

Reid tells her, as they walk out: “I hope you’ve made the right move.”

Jilly: “I don’t know if I have. You are everything I thought I wanted. You’re goofy and fun and romantic. But I don’t know if we’re in the same place at this point in time.”

Him: “I should haven’t opened up sooner. I didn’t give you the signs you needed. I don’t know if that would change anything.”

Reid to the camera: “I wish I could have opened up to her. It was a tough moment. A surprising moment. I could definitely see myself with her. I was definitely falling in the love with her. I saw her with my family, and she was perfect. It was f**ked. Really f**ked. It’s surreal to know we have that connection….It would have been a lot easier if I told her I loved her. If I could reserve things, I would.”

Ed comes to get her off the bench, as she cries.

CLICK HERE to hear this week’s BACHELORETTE Recap with KKNW Seattle’s Chat With Women morning team…

HEY! DON’T FORGET TO CLICK HERE TO ENTER THIS WEEK’S BACHELORETTE ELIMINATION POLL! Lots of super duper prizes, including my book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right…

Josie Brown

SingleMindedWomen.com Relationships Channel Editor

___________________________________________

Josie Brown, SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor, is the author of two novels: IMPOSSIBLY TONGUE-TIED, and TRUE HOLLYWOOD LIES. Josie’s novel, The DILF, will be out Summer 2010.

Her next book, written with her husband, Martin, is the perfect self-help manual for your BFF (…okay, and for you, too). It’s THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT [September 2009]

OTHER SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES

15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Finding Mr. Right: His Bromance vs. Your Romance

When You Rebound for All The Wrong Reasons

Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No

Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out–with Him

THE BACHELOR’s Prince Charming Falls Off His Horse

Aw, come on already! Don’t we women have any say in this?

Seriously, what movie producer dares to presume we’ll fawn and flutter over dudes with manboobs, as opposed to six-pack abs?

Take our poll here, and let’s set Hollywood straight (no pun intended) as to what women REALLY want:

It’s likely that your Significant Other likes having you around for company, but may not be ready for that “til death do us part” commitment.

That isn’t keeping couoples from moving in together. The latest U.S. Census for 2008 reported 13.6 million unmarried, heterosexual couples currently live together. In fact, researchers say 50% to 60% of couples who marry today lived together first. It’s also noted that 70% of young adults will cohabit.

However, most couples who live together either marry or break up within two years.

This information comes from a new federally funded study of 1,294 unmarried Americans between 18 and 34 years of age.

A common theme among couples who have first lived together is their assumption that it would be easier to break off the relationship if it were not formalized.

Not quite. Or, as noted in a Pew Study: “Once a couple is living together, the fact that they share possessions, pets and children, and have invested time in their relationship may propel them to marry.” It also indicates that these couples were unprepared for a long-term commitment, and therefore more unhappy in the relationship, and more likely to encounter conflicts with their partners.

Other findings from the Census study:

• Most couples didn’t consciously decide to live together; two-thirds of cohabitors said they either “slid into it” or “talked about it, but then it just sort of happened.” Just one-third talked about it and made a decision to live together.
• The more religious are less likely to cohabit: 49% of dating couples and 30% of cohabitors surveyed agree that “my religious beliefs suggest that it is wrong for people to live together without being married.”

Participants complete questionnaires two to three times a year; more than 100 questions are in each survey. More than two-thirds are in a serious dating relationship; 32% live together.

Of those cohabiting, 66% moved in before making plans to marry; 23% planned to marry but weren’t engaged, and 11% moved in when they got engaged.

If a couple wants to make that change in status from lover/room mates to loving spouses, they can better ensure a lifetime of love and commitment if they remember this:

#1. A marriage succeeds only if it has the heartfelt desire by both partners to a lifetime of love and commitment. One partner’s desire is not enough.

#2. Saying “I do” is just the beginning of your long journey together, not the end. Exchanging vows in front of friends and family is just the first step. Staying together through hardships, trauma and trying times is what tests and strengthens your relationship.

#3. In successful marriages, couples grow together, and allow each other to grow individually as well. Change is a life-long process, and should be expected and appreciated in a marriage. Should you grow in different directions, appreciating change in your partner will keep your love alive.

#4. Passion feeds a couple’s attraction. To keep love alive, keep lust a part of your lives together.

________________________________________________________

Josie Brown, SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor, is the author of two novels: IMPOSSIBLY TONGUE-TIED, and TRUE HOLLYWOOD LIES. Her next book, written with her husband, Martin, is the perfect self-help manual for your BFF (…okay, and for you, too). It’s THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT [September 2009]. Look for her third novel The DILF, in bookstores in Summer 2010.

OTHER SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES

15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Finding Mr. Right: His Bromance vs. Your Romance

When You Rebound for All The Wrong Reasons

Finding Mr. Right: Are You Ready for Commitment?

Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No

Are you Dating a Relationship Terminator?

Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out–with Him

Always a Bridesmaid? 5 Must-Do’s Before Your “I Do”

Finding Mr. Right: Will “Pink Viagra” Give Us Ladies a Lusty Libido?

THE BACHELOR’s Prince Charming Falls Off His Horse

Finding Mr. Right: When Rebounding Is All Wrong

Just click here, and you can hear it all…

To recap:

Jake explains that, the way the show is set up, it’s not so hard for so many guys to fall for one girl, all at the same time. “There’s no computer, no iPod, no cellphones, no books, no TV  It strips you away fro the outside world. You’re basically in lockdown.  When you go out on a date, usually you talk to your best buds afterward. Well,  you can’t do that, because you’re competing with these guys…”

You’re left by yourself to sort through everything that happens, explains Jake. “You have more than enough time to analyze each and every minute of the day to analyze every little thing that happens. On that show, loneliness isn’t a stranger. When all you’re doing is dwelling about Jillian—how she’s reacting with the other guys—you start to fall in love. You have that person’s undivided  attentions. It causes emotions to stir quickly.”

Wow! Sounds like Regency England! No wonder Jane Austen’s heroes and heroines were so obsessed with love…

Jake puts it in perspective to his other normal relationships. “What really hampers relationships today is technology. You don’t really have that whole person…”

Pam brings up the fact that Wes was no gentleman —and Jake agrees  with that, with a big “Thank you!”

When asked why, when Tanner exposed Wes, why didn’t he or the other guys, step forward,  Jake points out that, at that time, he had no idea it was Wes, although he had his suspicions because “every time someone said girlfriend, he got defensive.”

In fact, when he and Wes bunked  overnight in Canada, he says “Wes came clean.. We talked all night about Laurel..He was going to leave! When I saw him take that rose, I turned green.”

And of course, that was the ceremony in which Jake was ditched.

That didn’t bother him as much as the fact that, like him,  some of the guys were in it because they truly were looking for love. He feels Jillian is in it for all the right reasons, too. “She just had blinders on.”

Which why he had to go back on the show and tell her what he knew. “I couldn’t sleep at night. I needed closure….I wasn’t sleeping at night. I loved her. I respected her. She needed the information. She’s on there for the right reasons. If I can take her one step closer to the fairy tell, so be it!”

Yep, this guy is a REAL Prince Charming—because he looks out for the princess’s happiness, as opposed to his own.

When prodded as to whether he had fallen in love with Jillian, he replies honesty: “There is a difference in loving, and being in love. I cannot tell you I truly fell in love, but I did love her.”

As to why he feels she didn’t give him a rose, he says wryly, “I don’t know why I get labeled as being too perfect. For 31 years I’ve heard that.”

More so now than ever, now that people recognize him, and tell him how much they enjoyed him on the show. He feels blessed with their kind thoughts. “I hate using the word fan. They’re friends.”

Does he regret having participated in the show? “No.  I would do it over and over again.”

As to whether or not he’d like to be ABC’s next BACHELOR, he laughs. “The subject hasn’t come up yet.”

Well Jake, you’ve got OUR vote!

Speaking of voting…

HEY! DON’T FORGET TO CLICK HERE TO ENTER THIS WEEK’S BACHELORETTE ELIMINATION POLL! Lots of super duper prizes, including my book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right…

Josie Brown

SingleMindedWomen.com Relationships Channel Editor

___________________________________________

Josie Brown, SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor, is the author of two novels: IMPOSSIBLY TONGUE-TIED, and TRUE HOLLYWOOD LIES. Josie’s novel, The DILF, will be out Summer 2010.

Her next book, written with her husband, Martin, is the perfect self-help manual for your BFF (…okay, and for you, too). It’s THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT [September 2009]

OTHER SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES

15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Finding Mr. Right: His Bromance vs. Your Romance

When You Rebound for All The Wrong Reasons

Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No

Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out–with Him

THE BACHELOR’s Prince Charming Falls Off His Horse

Now, about Monday’s show:

The Bachelortte goes to SPAIN:  There is so much at stake her: it’s love, marriage a proposal. I can’t think there’s a better place to fall in love.”

Kiptyn: Instant chemistry. She loves his looks, his kiss, everything about him…and then she uses the term “too perfect”.  That’s usually a bad signfor someone who sabotages her relationships…

Reid: She admit it’s a situation of “opposite attract”.

Ed:  She says: “Ed left me, and I was hurting for a long time….when Ed came back, I was so excited, but at the same time Ed has already let me down before. I need for him to approve that he’s a priority in his life…”

Wes: He’s a bad guy country guy that I’ve always wanted to be with….Austin just about pushed me over the edge. When Jake told me he had a girlfriend…I had to make sure he wanted a commitment from me right then and there….” But then, she didn’t. OUCH!

WITH KIPTYN:

Kiptyn admits that he talked to his sis about whether he would propose. He tells her that it’s still too soon for him – but that he only wants to propose once…and that he would prefer to take it slower.  That takes her aback somewhat. She claims she, too, wants to take it slow…but if it happens, she feels that would be cool.  Then they learn to flamenco dance. Jilly: “There is so much passion for so little dancing”… She loves his flamenco outfit: tight, black, and as he discribes, with a pause: “…Tight.”

But they obviously had fun.

Him:  “It was just loose and we made each other laugh…[but] Flamenco and me should not hang out together…”

Jilly: “I hope tonight we can get to a whole new level.”

They eat snails — carefully.  She gives him a heartfelt play.  He affirms that, should he have an opinion, YOU WILL KNOW.  “I have a big hope for what’s possible…”

To the camera, he says: “No one’s judging and we’re having a great conversation.”

Jilly: “I think I’m falling in love with Kipytn…but I can’t spend the night with someone unless I know he’s falling in love with him…but I have to know he’s falling for me, too.”  She turns down the invitation to spend the night with him (!!!!!!!) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Him: “When the card came, I was excited. If she’d ask me, I’d have said yes. But I respect her thoughts…”

Jilly: “When I look at Kiptyn, he has that energy that gets me in a good way.”

Kiptyn: “It’s exactly what I needed. This is a chance to see what we needed…”

Jilly “I totally lose myself when I’m with him…but I’ve got to feel that I’m the one he wants to spend the rest of his life, and can’t live without.”

Kiptyn, to the camera; What I’m finding out is that I could spend my life with her….”

WITH REID, in SEVILLA:

She says: “I have a perma-smile when I see him. We definitely have a physical connection. Now I have to ask him hard questions.”

REID: “I think we’re in the right place to fall in love.” He brings a picnic basket.

They don’t know how to say “bread” in Spanish…try “PAN”.

She loves how much they laugh together.  Jilly: “I feel as if I’m my girlfriend. He’s not hte guy I picture myself with, but he makes me smile, he makes me comfortable…”

Him, to the camera: “I can imagine she did just as well with the other families. She’s smart, she’s pretty…”

To Her: “I think that every time we hang out, we get better. It takes me a whie to open up to tell you how I’m feeling.”

She puts him on the spot: “How do you feel?”

Him: We’re very similar. I’m attracted to you. If it continues, it could be a very good thing.”

Her: “We have a mutual, bubbly connection. He makes me laugh in a way that makes me feel okay.’

At dinner, she puts him on the spot: She wants to hear from hin what he thinks make them click.

He assures her that he, too feels their effortless chemistry.. “Obviously I’m not good at this, right?” she assures him he is.

Jilly: “Reid and I are having an incredible date. Obviously he’s opening up to me…”

Then they get the fantasy suite key (!!!)

he leaves it up to her. When she asks why, “It’s the gentlemanly thing to do…”  Jilly is disappointed. She says: “there is a part of me know what is good for [us going forward] if we continue to do what we do…”

He trusts her decision to decline the fantasy suite….”It sucks for me, but it was a smart move on her part.”

Jilly makes him elaborate on his statement that it sucks that she’ll be getting other fantasy suite keys with her other dates–and may accept it.  She tells him: “Just trust me.” He says “I do…”

JILLY: Don’t sabotage this one!

Jilly: “I love who I am when I’m with Reid.”  She’s afraid they may not have the same chemistry in bed….and (she doesn’t say it, but she) wants to wait, in case they don’t. Interesting…

Reid says in Spanish: “She has my heart. As comfortable as I am with Jillian, if I didn’t have that, I’d have nothing.”

WITH ED:

He redeems himself in their horse and carriage–and in a fountain.   As Jillian says: “I can’t stop kissing him. I want to make up for lost time.”

Wow!!!! Ed gets DOWN TO IT.  He wants to know if she’d move to Chi-Town.  SAY YES.  Of course, he could find a gig easy in Vancouver–and he’d love the weather better.

Him: “You and I would grow, as great couples do.  I could see us being together a long, long time.”

Ed: “My mom wants a grand kid. I who wouldn’t want another little me?”

Jilly: “Would you want kids in a couple of years.”

Ed: |I know I’d be really good at it.”

Then “the letter’ comes with the fantasy suite key.  She reads it. He says he’d love to spend the night with you…but she puts him off. “I want to make sure my head is screwed on…” and then she says his leaving did affect how she feels about him… “I’m scared of not being rational, and not falling in love with you again.” When she sees his face, she says: “I do feel we need to get caught up…:

Ed: “I feel we do have to catch up.”  but she says “I do want to learn more about you, and I want you to learn more about me.”

He admits to camera: “I think she has a valid reason. But I think I made it clear I’m sincere.”

They are blown away by the suite. and snuggle in the beroom. He plays with and kisses her hand.   He teases her that if she wants to leave, he can have it. The cuddling brings them together.  They decide to “sleep in their clothes.”  And snuggle.

He knows how to touch her. That’s for sure. He tells her she’s his favorite part of Spain.

WITH WES, in BARCELONA:

You notice how he always puts her on the defensive?  TAKE THAT AS A BIG HINT: No relationship should be that hard…

Wes thinks he knows Spanish because he had an album that did okay in Mexico. O…Kay…….

He tells her “she’s perfect. That the personality hs has is something he’s looking for, that he could bear his soul to…and then she notices that he is sitting as far away from her as possible.

Wes: “Relationships are all about bending. You’ll never break if you can bend.”  Bend THIS, Wes…..

Jilly: “Why do yo always have to defend yourself?”  There he goes again, talkin’ “a big game with the guys”…With his lack of affection, she knows SOMETHING IS WRONG.  Then she says “You’ll move to Vancouver for a couple of years.” She wants to see how far he’ll go for him…

But he looks at a one-foot bird, and spills his drink… oyoyoyoy. He IS nervous, whereas all the other guys were SO COMFORTABLE with her. If she keeps him hanging in there, I’ll be SO disappointed. IMHO, he’s SO not into her…

At dinner: She starts grilling him again. She admits he’s the bad boy cowboy singer that she’s attracted to…then she admits there are a lot of red flags. “I want to defend myself, and feel that I have an educated answer.” He says if he had a girlfriend than he’d be gone.  He admits — with his look – that yes, he’s in it for the publicity (!!!!) She says “If you were crazy about me, you would have kissed me, at least once already. You asked me to trust you back in Austin. If you’re really here for the right reasons, you’d try to kiss me.” He tells her he’s got to much pride to kiss her if she’s falling for someone else (!!!!) Dude, it’s not about you , it’s about her. She’s asking you to say you feel strong about her. But he won’t give her even that…as she cries.  He says: “I’m not hear to hurt you, but I’m Going to be true to myself. Numero Uno is important here.”

Well, THAT got her attention.

She brings up with Laurel. “Who broke up with whom”

Him: ‘She broke up with me…we had our differences…” Then he calls Lauren “his girlfriend.” YEA! JILLIAN NOTICED.  She’s broken up.

ROFLMAO!  The Fantasy Suite key comes!  Ouch!  AS IF!!!!!!

D’oh!!!!!  He says: “I think we should, actually.”

Um… NO.  She feels she “has gotten a lot of questions answered tonight.”  Finally!  She says: “He has something to hide…and he’s been showing it.” And yet, she once again feels “more sorry for him than I do for myself.”  GIRL: This show is about YOU. Feel sorry this for YOU for once.

At least she says: I need this, and I don’t need this for anyone but me.”

OKAY, ROSE CEREMONY:

And she dumps….. WES!

FINALLY!!!!!

Or in her words: “I’ve never been so sure in the rose ceremony than today…”

Wes, when Kiptyn lament it may be him.” “No, boys it’s me. I’ll be going home, having lots of sex…”

I PITY HIS POOR GIRLFRIEND(S…because we all know there are many women who will fall for his stupid, rude sophomoric lines…)

She wants to walk him out…and talk to him: as if she’ll say anything he cares to hear.  Of course, she doesn’t say what she should: “You wasted my time.”  He says “I’m the first guy to make it to the top 4 of the Bachelorette–with a girlfriend. It’ll take me a long time to get back ‘on my feet.’” I”m in Spain, I’m cuttin’ off the chain…And Ed: Good boys couldn’t get as much as a nibble.”

Jilly gets the last word: “There is something special about each guy I kept.”

Next week: HAWAII!

HEY! DON’T FORGET TO CLICK HERE TO ENTER THIS WEEK’S BACHELORETTE ELIMINATION POLL! Lots of super duper prizes, including my book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right…

Josie Brown

SingleMindedWomen.com Relationships Channel Editor

___________________________________________

Josie Brown, SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor, is the author of two novels: IMPOSSIBLY TONGUE-TIED, and TRUE HOLLYWOOD LIES. Josie’s novel, The DILF, will be out Summer 2010.

Her next book, written with her husband, Martin, is the perfect self-help manual for your BFF (…okay, and for you, too). It’s THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT [September 2009]

OTHER SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES

15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Finding Mr. Right: His Bromance vs. Your Romance

When You Rebound for All The Wrong Reasons

Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No

Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out–with Him

THE BACHELOR’s Prince Charming Falls Off His Horse

John and Elizabeth Edwards

Bill and Hillary Clinton.

Elliot  and Silda Spitzer.

Politicians may do it publicly, but the compulsion to have an affair hits one out of every five marriages.

But why the compulsion to stay with your cheating spouse? Here’s a few answers…

The Truth about Love, Lust and Commitment

Of the 70,288 respondents to a recent MSNBC/iVillage poll, close to 75 percent were in committed relationships—and yet about 22 percent of those surveyed admitted to infidelity.

In fact, nearly half said that they’ve cheated on some lover at least once in their lives.

And while, at 28 percent, straying husbands outnumbered desperate housewives (18 percent), the survey takers were willing to guess that only half of participants were telling the truth, raising the estimates of cheaters to 44 percent of married men, and 36 percent, respectively.

Even young children weren’t a deterrent to infidelity. In fact, a real danger zone falls between the third and fifth year of marriage—which is perhaps why movies like Kate Winslet’s Little Children hit so close to the bone.

What Constitutes Cheating

When asked if the following was considered cheating, here’s how respondents answered:

83 percent said that a romantic kiss with a covert lover is a definite “yes” even as 20 percent owned up to doing just that; and

66 percent said that online sex or sexual webcamming was cheating. Well guess what? Over 15 percent of male respondents owned up to doing it, as did 7 percent of females.

Did any of the cheaters ‘fess up? Only 6 percent, it seems. In fact, 60 percent admit to have gotten away without any suspicions on their partners’ parts.

Politics and Not-So-Strange Bedfellows

Those who lead public lives, like politicians, don’t have it as easy. As their indiscretions are scrutinized under the white hot glare of the spotlight, other women’s compulsion is to scorn the women who stand at their sides—and by their men.

In the light of such public humiliation, why don’t they throw the bum out?

In an interview with ABC, anthropologist Helen Fisher says that Mother Nature is the reason that we should perhaps cut them some slack. “We are a creature that forms bonds, forms attachments. This circuitry for attachment is very strong, it doesn’t stop pumping out its chemicals just because there’s a big problem in the relationship.”

For some women, the price of power is high. For all women, so is the cost of a divorce. But it’s you’re emotional wellbeing and happiness that is priceless. If there is no mutual commitment to working through the relationship’s issues with a counselor or therapist, it’s time to move on.

More Articles on This Topic

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Sex and the SMW: “Why do I attract men who can’t commit?”

Sex and the SMW: “Why do I attract married men”?

If you go by what you see on TV,

When was the last time you had sex?

Job and money stress. Weight gain. Depression. A romance gone with the wind, or maybe just a sub-par love life in general. Whatever the reason for your sexless state, you’re not alone. According to some recent research, a low sex drive affects fully one-third of all adult females.

Then again, maybe the problem isn’t just yours, but his, too. Recently a British medical journal stated that low sexual desire is actually more common in men than in women, providing such reasons as personal issues, stress and depression as to why his bedside manner may be lacking.

If that doesn’t make you cry, maybe this will: nearly one out of five couples are having sex fewer than 10 times a year.

And if you’re over forty-five, there is a one-in-three chance that you’re only making love 4 times a year.

Well, maybe it’s time to quit grousing, and start arousing. Sexuality is supposed to be an integral part of our lives. But neglected long enough, it can wilt just as surely as a potted plant. Want to get back the sexual spark? Here are 12 ways to put you in the mood again:

1. First of All, Break the Routine

Einstein used to say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing, and expecting a different result.  Maybe it’s time you got sane about your sex life. If all you’re doing is whining about it—that there are no good men, or that he’s not romantic enough, or that you haven’t had sex in eons, then here’s a suggestion: DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. And make it something you’ve never done before.  It’s your life, so take control.

2. Next, Start Pumping Iron

Have you ever noticed that you not only look your best, but you feel your best, too, when you’re buff? That’s because a healthy body is a sexy body. So if you want to find your libido, go to the gym. Start slow, with a few yoga or stretching classes. On alternate days, do a cardio workout, treadmill, bike, steps, or one of many other choices. Don’t forget your crunches, and free weights. A better body is a better you.

3. Get a Slut Cut

You always feel pretty after you visit your hair salon, right? Schedule your next appointment now. But instead of the same color or cut, go for something more dramatic—and even out of character.  Remember: Your only as sexy as you look.

4. Make Love, Not War

When you were younger, you were proud of your bad attitude. But have you noticed lately that the reaction to it now is an under-the-breath mutter? Admit it: as the years have slipped past, you’ve gone from being a “saucy minx” to being a “bossy bitch.”

Perhaps it’s time to change tactics. Since men don’t like put-downs, follow that old Southern motto—“You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”—and you’ll have more men hovering at your beck-and-call than you know what do with.

5. Get a Massage

The best way to get back in touch with your body is to have someone else do it first. Nothing feels as good as having an experienced pair of hands roaming your body, reminding you how wonderful every inch of you can feel.

6. Look That Man Right In the Eye

Your eyes are the most expressive part of you. From them others feel the depth of your soul. With them, you flirt. But if you’re too shy to make eye contact, how will he know you’re interested? Don’t be afraid to gaze!

7. Dress Up to Get Down

A new pair of shoes. a see-through blouse. Or, pull a Bridget Jones and let your little black skirt do all the talking. Adding a few new pieces to your wardrobe will not only change your look, but your mood, too.

8. Trim Your Trim

Seriously, there is nothing sexier than a Brazilian. Well, okay, maybe a Telly Savalas. Feeling baby-smooth (and then going commando) puts you in the mood for some hot luvin’—and it shows. (In your attitude, that is…)

9. I Think Sexy, Therefore I Am Sexy

Some of the sexiest women on earth weren’t what you’d call “easy on the eye.” Cleopatra for one. Madame Du Barry for another. Need a more recent example? Cher is not a classic beauty, and neither is Sarah Jessica Parker. And yet every one of these women exudes a sexiness that has made her an icon and a sex symbol. What do they have that you don’t? How about a sexy attitude?  Go ahead, try one on for size . . .

10. To be Erotic, Go Exotic

Leave your comfort zone, your ’hood, puts your mind in a whole different place, not to mention your body. It’s also a great way to leave your inhibitions behind. You know what they say: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Another way to put it is: “a change of scenery could do you a world of good.”

11. Time for an Ex-Change Operation

The man in your life winces when you suggest going out. Or maybe he makes you the butt of jokes in public. Or he’s always putting down your ideas, dreams, and goals. Honey, the writing is on the wall: he’s not at your side, but holding you back. And guess what? There are other options out there. Maybe it’s time you considered them . . .

12. Use It or Lose It

Your vagina is a muscle. It needs a workout, just like the others in your body. And the more you do, the more you’ll want sex—and the more determine

OTHER SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES

15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Finding Mr. Right: It’s Mind Over Matter

Five Typical Myths about Mr. Right ]]> http://singlemindedwomen.com/women-relationships/why-you%e2%80%99re-not-having-sex%e2%80%94and-12-things-you-can-do-about-it/feed/ 0