The Big O — Guaranteed!
By Dr. Ken Taylor
For too many women—single and married—the big O is a no show. It’s the O-word that women tend not to talk about: orgasm! Research shows approximately 50 percent of women rarely experience orgasm during sex with their partners, and 15 percent have never experienced an orgasm. EVER!
The truth is, anybody can have sex, but not everyone can have an orgasm. Women have more control and power here than they realize. In my medical practice, women visiting for a routine gynecological appointment would often confide in me about their relationship and sexual challenges. I was initially surprised at how many women were not experiencing routine orgasms. But, after more than 25 years of providing counsel on this topic, I also identified some common reasons why so many women were having challenges.
While there are several factors involved, many of them personal, there are four things any women can do to guarantee an orgasm just about every time—from getting to know their bodies in the most intimate of ways to communicating with their partner.
- Know your Spot: Is yours the G or C spot, vaginal or clitoral? The G spot is within the vagina and the C spot is at the top of the vagina. If you don’t know your spot, the only way you can know for sure is to explore your own body and experience the sensation of touching yourself in different places and ways. There may be some reluctance to try this at first but, trust me, it is normal. Also, you can increase your self-awareness by writing down your sexual needs based upon what makes you feel good and thinking about how these needs can be satisfied by your partner.
- Mate or Just a Date: Once you know how you are stimulated, who can truly stimulate you? Most women (although not necessarily all) tend to have a better sexual experience when they have a great emotional connection with their partner. This requires being with a person that you really want to be with. This doesn’t mean you have to know he’s your soul-mate, but it does mean emotional chemistry can have a significant impact on physical chemistry. Ever heard of mind sex? How do you feel about how he treats you? Does he make you feel good about yourself? Does he make you feel sexy? It’s not only about a physical connection, but a mental connection as the two go hand-in-hand for women
- Learn Love Language: If you are with someone who stimulates you emotionally, you should be able to communicate your needs. However ladies, tread this one carefully. Approach the conversation as something that “we” need to work on as opposed to what ”he” needs to work on. Words and tone are important here so choose them carefully— i.e. “Maybe we should try…” or “What do you think about us …” or “It would really drive me crazy if we tried…” Be sure to frame this conversation as the two of you working toward a common sexual goal. He will soon realize that what’s good for you is certainly good for him.
- Use Your Tool Kit: Sometimes you may need a little help after communicating your needs with your partner. Genetics are what they are and that’s why toys are a good stimulant to complement nature. There is nothing wrong with sex toys to enhance the experience. It’s never naughty, but natural so be open and give it a try. You may just find that it was what the both of you needed all along to “spice” things up.
By following these steps, I’ve seen many of my patients experience more fulfilling—more orgasmic—sex lives.
Ladies, it’s time to reach the Big O and experience all the joys of sex more often.
With more than 25 years of clinical study, professional practice and industry leadership under his belt, Dr. Ken Taylor is committed to exposing the disconnects and bridging the divides that are keeping women and men living at a fraction of their physical, emotional and sexual wellness. He is a respected presenter and published medical scholar, and has been recognized by Who’s Who of Atlanta and the Top 25 Atlanta Doctor rankings. He is a member of the Atlanta Medical Association, Georgia Medical Association and the National Medical Association. For more information about Dr. Taylor, please visit www.drtkentaylor.com.