Dating Success in 2010: Twelve No-Fail Tips
By Samantha Karlin
With New Years Eve right around the corner, singletons everywhere have begun planning their 2010 New Year’s relationship resolutions or rather, a new dating “plan of attack”.
1) Keep a journal: Try to write in it as much as possible, about anything and everything. At the end of each month, read through it and notice detrimental actions or thoughts that keep repeating themselves- think about what you can do to reverse these patterns.
2) Get personal: Make an effort to use the phone instead of texting, to handwrite a letter vs. shooting off an email. Your relationships will thank you.
3) Don’t use a date (or a mate) to make u feel better about yourself: You should like someone for them and not because they validate a part of you that needs affirmation. A relationship based on validation is only bound for disaster.
4) Schedule a weekly “you” class: “You” classes can run the gamut from painting to flying lessons. What they all have in common, however, is that they provide you with a creative outlet, a space to reflect, and a chance to improve upon a skill, and increase your general satisfaction with life.
5) Toss your “type”: If you are still single (and don’t want to be), or tend to get hurt more often than not, something about your “type” isn’t working! So think about it: what matters to you more, a mate who is buff, blonde, and makes 100 grand a year or one who is kind, thoughtful, and funny? To recreate the person you should be looking for, break down the things that are most important to you through a MASH like method of categories, traits, and ratings.
6) Trust your instincts: If something feels off about someone, you are probably right. If you know in your heart a relationship is not going to work out, don’t keep trying to make it work. Also, no one can make you like someone- at the end of the day you are the one talking to a person, going to bed with them, existing in their company. So although your mother and best friend may happily offer their two cents on your most recent date, the decision of whether or not to be with someone belongs only to yourself.
Read two good books a month: Preferably a Pulitzer Prize Winner or National Book Award novel and one an interest based or self-improvement type book- these will give you insight into important societal issues and themes and insight into yourself. In addition, they will give you topics and ideas to talk about on your dates, or to bring up in that pivotal first conversation with a prospect.
9) If you think that you have spotted the man or woman of your dreams, don’t make excuses; go talk to them: Either you will quickly find out that the fantasy person you have created is only that; a fantasy, or may not even speak English! (that has happened to me) or perhaps your dream mate radar is on target and they really are your future spouse. Either way, it is better to know rather than to fantasize and salivate over a stranger.
10) Forget about looking stupid/celebrate your quirks: Your embarrassing addiction to race cars or tendency to blush when someone says something complimentary may just be the icing on someone’s cakes. Your quirks are what make you interesting and endearing- don’t waste any time or energy hiding them.
11) Get out there: You are not going to meet someone holed up on your couch watching “House,” and eating sashimi. Schedule one singles or networking event a month to get yourself out there, and in general, try to take your friends up on offers to socialize whenever you can. And yes, that means even when you are tired.
12) Invest in your appearance: Flattering clothes, a good haircut, and some makeup can turn an ugly duck into a swan. You don’t settle in other areas in your life, so why would you settle when it comes to your appearance?
Samantha Karlin is the official dating diva for Meezoog.com, the world’s first dating network geared exclusively toward the international, working professional community, built on a fully-secure and trust-based platform.
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Thank you for posting these tips. I’ve been implementing most of them over the past year after my divorce except for #11. I can’t seem to escape the married crowd of my friends. Everyone I know is married. And everyone they know is married too! How do I schedule singles or networking event without having single friends? What are the good ways to meet new people? It seems like such a dumb question… I am not even looking to date, just meet single friends of my age group (30-40), education level (graduate degree), and interests (active sports and science). So college crowd, bars and clubs seem like a poor choice… Plus everyone shows up in groups anyways! So how do I build a group in the first place? What other venues are out there? Something where I could show up alone and not feel like a fifth wheel.
I would really appreciate any advice.
First of all, don’t be discouraged! For as many married people that you know, there are just as many single ones!
Did you know that there are 95.7 million single Americans, and nearly half of those are between the ages of 30 and 64? That’s 47.9 single Americans between the ages of 30 and 64. And, more of those people are men than women.
So, how do you find your fellow singles?
It’s great that you have tried some of my suggestions: Keep it up! For more suggestions, I suggest you read my blog “Top 8 Tips to Meet Someone by New Year’s” http://www.meezoog.com/blog/?p=458. They are all great ways to meet someone, even after New Year’s. I think that particularly joining a meet-up group could be good for you, because meet-up groups are designed around interests. Volunteering is also terrific. And don’t be afraid to befriend single women who are younger than you- friendship is much more about common interests and clicking with someone than it is about age.
In addition, try these tips:
Go back to school: I’m not talking about getting another master’s: many colleges have departments of continuing education. These are hotbeds of older single people. Take a class in something that interests you that you never were able to study, or something designed around analyzing current events: it’s extremely important to be able to knowledgeably talk about what’s going on in today’s world. And then suggest going out for a drink after class to your classmates. Chances are, the single classmates will go, and the married ones won’t. Don’t be afraid to be an initiator!
Singles events: Go by yourself. Most of the other people will have come alone also. And again, look at it just as much as an opportunity to meet women as to meet men. There will be lots of single women there who you are sure to click with!
Join a dating network. Sites like Meezoog create a network of people around you who are a similar age with a similar education level. And Meezoog is free!
Join an events based group of an NGO or organization, or get yourself on the board:Lots of NGO’s continually have events that are specifically designed around socializing with others of similar interests to you in an intellectual way. Get yourself on some mailing lists for these types of groups, and go!
Most importantly, when you do meet a single woman who you connect with, really make an effort to stay in touch with her and become better friends. Before you know it, you’ll be shopping and chatting like you’ve known each other forever!
Another great resource: http://www.firstwivesworld.com. This site is specifically geared towards divorced women and will be focusing a lot on dating and romance in the upcoming year.
Happy Friending!
Samantha, the dating diva
Samantha, thank you very much for such a detailed reply. I will definitely be checking out these opportunities.