Demi’s Dilemma: What Would You Do?

By Josie Brown

The marriage that had everyone scratching their heads six years ago may be unraveling leaving some to say, “I told you so” and others to wonder: “How did it last this long?”

In the Twittersphere, 140-character ruminations over celebrity cougar Demi Moore’s tweets (@mrskutcher) could all be meaningless chatter. But a closer look at the facts reveals that if there is indeed no fire, someone’s putting out a lot of smoke.

Demi Moore is forty-eight. Ashton Kutchner is thirty-three. In Hollywood if you reversed genders, no one would think twice.

But an older woman with a younger man? Heads don’t just turn.

They spin.

Suppose that older woman was you, and you’ve had a wonderful, loving relationship with a man who just so happens to be 15 years younger. Now, imagine that you’re getting calls from your gal pals telling you that he’s been out and about late at night doing things that no devoted partner should be doing.

How would you react? What should you do now?

From the outset of the relationship, you have slept with one eye opened because of the number of “friends” who cautioned that this relationship would never work. You’ve been hoping to proof them wrong–

But now it all seems to be unraveling.

Here are three steps toward hopefully saving your relationship and, most importantly, your self-respect:

1. Take the comments and input of others with a grain of salt.
This is particularly true if you’re a celebrity, and your personal life is splattered all over the Internet and the tabloids. The bottom line: it’s not their life, it’s yours. You have to love and respect yourself first. If you want to work it out, do that. If you want to end the relationship do that instead. It’s your life, You choose.

2. Look before you leap.
Get all the facts and know what’s really going on. For example, in regard to Moore and Kutcher, the source is unsubstantiated. What’s more, from all accounts the source is looking for a quick pay day.

That said, the information from your friends can be just as off base as the silly stuff that gets shot around the blogosphere about celebrity couples, so keep a cool head and move forward cautiously.

3. If he has strayed, remind yourself: It’s him, and not you.
Unfortuantely, too often a woman’s first instinct is too look inward and say, “What did I do wrong?”

The answer might be: Nothing at all.

This was not your creation. Nor was it your intent. In all relationships, we are accountable for what we do right, as well as what we do wrong.

Wrong would be be accuse him without first hearing what he has to say about these accusations. Right would be to ask him to be straight with you. Right would be to ask him to work through your issues together. Wrong would be to deny something isn’t working, if he’s ready to move on.

You are strong. You can move on, too.

Remember: you have every right to date, fall in love with,  or marry  a younger man. Hundreds of thousands of men have chosen to marry a younger woman.

In either regard, cheating on your partner, or spouse, is out of bounds. It’s a trust killer. If he has done so, he has no excuse. But the decision to stay together, or separate, is yours as much as it is his.

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Josie Brown is SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationships Channel Editor. Her novels, The Baby Planner, and  Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, are in bookstores everywhere. In Fact, Secret lives of Husbands and Wives will soon be a dramatic TV series on ABC, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. 

“Hollywood’s got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading.” –Jackie Collins, Hollywood Wives