Duchess Digest: A Self-Assessment Checklist for You!

By Jill Brown

woman with checklistA life well lived is a life analyzed. Not for the sake of others, but for your own happiness. And while I’ve always been a proponent of the philosophy that you should lead your own life and everyone else be damned for their opinions – I heard a good saying the other day that holds true. Yes, you should be your own man (or woman). Yes, you should follow your gut and go the direction of your dreams triumphantly. But (and this is a Kardashian sized but) there are times when the common theme in your problems is you. Or as the saying I was alluding to earlier goes, “When you’re drunk, lie down.” That’s why I’ve created a simple three-step self-assessment checklist just for you!

This isn’t about compromising who you are or what you want – but it is about noticing common themes that carry through location, occupation, person, relationship, etc. and the only theme that seems to keep them together is you. Ever notice how there will be that one lucky person you know and everything just seems to keep working out for them? It’s not a coincidence. They’re in sync with the good stuff and flowing with where life is taking them. Odds are good too they’ve paid a little attention along the way to how they’re getting in their own way.

Three Common Mistakes You can Test For Right Now:

  • You keep having the same fight with all your girlfriends. Either you need entirely new girlfriends, or you may have a problem. I had reoccurring problems with a couple of girlfriends (one being my sister) to a point where I finally had to realize the issue was with me. I had always used the excuse of “that’s just not how I am” as my reason for not connecting deeper with my sis and some of the girls and I finally had to stop and evaluate. Guess What? I worked on improving my communication and frequency and things with my sister got really awesome. I don’t have my old excuse anymore and it turns out that a distant and protected person is not just “how I am.” I really love having close relationships with the people I love. Check in with any consistent feedback from multiple (I’d say 3 to 5 or more) sources. If you’re hearing the same thing this is a great opportunity for you to start working on that area of your character.
  • You keep dating the same guy. What do three out of four of your last relationships have in common? Hopefully nothing! If you said more then a thing or two then guess what? You’re the guilty party here. You’re choosing to date the same kind of guy and/or you’re acting the same in every relationship. Time to get super clear about what you really want from a partner and start refusing to get into a relationship with anyone different then that. You’ll save yourself time and hopefully you’ll either stop failing at relationships, or you’ll fail forward. Since none of us are perfect my money’s on failing forward but you take your pick.There will probably only be one relationship in your life that “ends successfully” (if you consider marriage success). So why not broaden your definition? Are your relationships getting better each time? Is the quality of man you’re spending your time with only improving? Well then even if those relationships end I’d still consider them a success. If, however, they’re ending the same way with the same guy it just means you’re still in the non-aware washing cycle, spinning and spinning around with the same testing grounds. Improve YOU and how you get into and live within a love relationship and I guarantee the caliber of man in your life with improve too. You can’t look to the guy first to raise you up – sorry but you’re on your own to be awesome and accountable for you!
  • You’re always broke or having money drama. Wasn’t it awesome in April when you got that huge tax return and paid off the balance on your credit card? Remember how you swore you were going to be smart and disciplined about your spending? How’s that going for you? Remember when you said you were going to be accountable for your monthly budget, set some money into savings and stop with the do-dads so you could get ahead? Maybe buy a house, invest or just relax in the current economy knowing you’d saved up six to eight months income? Oh, that’s not you? It should be. Stop playing Russian Roulette with your checking account, savings and credit cards. YOU are responsible for YOU. Say no to what isn’t in your budget, say yes to learning what a budget is and don’t be like Carrie Bradshaw who was so worried when her building went co-op about her vast shoe collection that she would “literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes.” It’s not cute ladies. It demeans us all and it belittles your position in life, with a partner and someday with your own daughters to live a legacy of stupid spending and frivolous shit. Look past the marketing and be smart with your money.

Those are my big three and as you can tell, I’m very passionate about them. Just like only you can prevent forest fires, only you can have the open mindedness to see where you’re falling short and take accountability for your life and future. Great things happen when you do a little self-assessment and start making positive changes.

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous selves.  Her ALL NEW Home Study Course SIX WEEKS TO DATING SUCCESS is six weeks of coaching at your own pace to improve all your relationships, especially dating and is available now. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: http://theduchessguide.com/


Duchess Digest: Cinderella Was A Liar!

Duchess Digest: Five Ways to Defuse Difficulty

Duchess Digest: I Am Not Carrie Bradshaw!