Duchess Digest: Carrie’s Big Mistake

By -Jill Brown

When it comes to the Carrie chronicles of Sex and the City, every woman falls into one of two categories; Big or Aidan. I myself am a Big girl (zing! What a pun!). I’ve come to realize that where your feelings lie in this “dude’s of Carrie” debate says a lot about you. So the question is, who did you love; Aidan or Big?

If, like me, you happen to be a Big lover then this column is for you. I’d like to share with you why our beloved Carrie has done some damage to our dating psyche with her Big love (and hate) story. Remember the episode when Carrie invites Big to meet her friends for the first time? It’s the same one where Miranda sleeps with Steve for the first time after being stood up at the bar by Carrie because she got caught up at Big’s and bailed (bad girlfriend!). Then Big bails at the last minute, but suddenly shows up later and because of his act Miranda finally believes the Urban Legend about the relationship that came out of a one-night-stand. Yeah, that episode. You probably teared up with joy when Big showed, thinking that if it could happen for Carrie, it just may happen for you with your very own brand of Big in your love life. However, the only problem with this plot line is that Carrie is fictional. So the Big who suddenly turned into a stand-up guy storyline, isn’t ever going to happen.

Trust me, I know from first hand experience. The Duchess had a Big of her own (or at least that’s how my sister always referred to him – she probably would’ve used his name but in over two years of dating he never would meet my family so to her, he was just as “real” as a fictional character in an HBO series). The end is even worse then the storyline, so we’ll spare the details, but since one of my primary purposes in life is to help women learn from “all these things that I’ve done” and what I’ve learned along the way, I present to you the following signs that you are dating a Big and also, to issue the warning that if you continue to do so, you are making a BIG mistake.

Top Signs you’re dating and making a BIG Mistake:

  • He Won’t Meet Your Friends
  • He Won’t Meet Your Family (if you’ve been dating 6 months or more exclusively)
  • He doesn’t remember events or details that are truly important to you
  • He doesn’t plan any dates or activities for the two of you.
  • He doesn’t stay the night consistently (or at all).
  • He doesn’t invite you over to stay the night at his place.
  • He doesn’t introduce you to his family or friends.
  • He doesn’t take you along to work functions (if you’ve been dating 6 months or more exclusively)

If you’ve been dating a while, especially a year or longer and your Mr. Big is exhibiting 2 or more of those signs, then lady you’re making a BIG mistake. And it’s time to get real so you can get on with your life. If you’ve got a Big, you’ve got a deal breaker. He’s never coming after you in Paris. He’s never telling you you’re the one after years of putting you through hell. He isn’t going to show up at the last minute to meet your friends or attend some event that’s super important to you after bailing. And for God’s sake if you were unfortunate enough to marry him he certainly isn’t buying you a black diamond the size of a tennis ball as a present for kissing the good guy Aidan you could’ve (and probably in all seriousness should have) married while on vacation in the Middle East.

Learn from Carrie’s pitfalls, don’t believe her urban legend, and find yourself a nice Aidan who is worthy of your time, your effort and your heart.

And that’s dating according to the Duchess, because everything she needed to know in life she learned in Sex (and the City) Ed. For more info and dating tips be sure to register for my free coaching call happening on 10/14: CLICK HERE.

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous selves for dating success.


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