Duchess Digest: Cinderella Was A Liar

By Jill Brown

Good_Bad_Cinderella_by_anime529Life as a Duchess lately is royally fabulous. The women (and men) I have the opportunity and privilege of meeting is trumped only by my excitement at getting to share them with you! One such amazing woman is author and dating coach, Brenda Della Casa. Brenda is the Author of, Cinderella Was a Liar.

However the best part is that much like the statuesque and kind Glenda the Good Witch, Brenda is using her natural talents and beauty for good! She helps all the confused but well intentioned single ladies by reminding them that, as she says, “Your life has significance because it is YOUR life.” I love that. There is no mini-me that will complete us and give us a life of meaning – we need to discover that purpose and passion for ourselves. But I’m going to leave the eloquent answers to Brenda. She’s sharing all the good stuff with us today! I think you’ll find her just as inspiring and empowering as I do!

Below are some great Q & A excerpts from our recent interview:

What was your motivation behind writing Cinderella Was A Liar?

Living and working as a young writer and casting director for some of television’s most popular dating shows allowed me a very unique opportunity to meet and speak with literally thousands of men and about love, sex, dating, and romance. The more I spoke with these men and women, the more I realized that, when it came to romance, women had men figured out all wrong. In interviews and when out with my own friends, I listened to women make excuses for bad behavior (both their own and that of the men they were seeing), over-analyze men and beat themselves up for their single status. I decided to spend a year doing interviews to find out what men really wanted. I also wanted to write about the importance of dating and loving yourself and not allowing the desire for a ring and a big celebrity wedding destroy your chances at real love. Cinderella Was a Liar is the result of this process.

What is your Number One pet peeve when it comes to observing women and their dating behavior?

I wouldn’t call it a “pet peeve” so much as a disappointment.  It’s truly upsetting to me when I see so many amazing, smart, bright and beautiful women vilify themselves for not being in a relationship.  Wanting to have someone in your life is natural and normal but competing with other women, sleeping with married men, morphing into who you think a man wants you to be, putting your life on hold, and/or ignoring your accomplishments and the amazing people you have in your life until you achieve that goal is a waste of your life.  And make no mistake, your life matters, regardless of whether or not you have a date on Friday night.

What has been one of the most fun or outrageous experiences you’ve had in the dating/set-up arena?

On one particular date with a handsome lawyer, I was told the carbs on my plate “grossed” him out, I watched as he ogled my best friend when she walked by, and then was told my backside  “looked like a cupcake”.  That was the moment I thanked him for a “lovely evening” at and gave him a hug goodbye.  He patted my back with the same gusto as he would his best guy friend and said, “I know, you’ll call me” and left.  It was hilarious!  The most fun I have had on a series of dates in London and Paris with my now fianceé.

What is the best dating tip/advice you’d give other single women out there?

I have a few things I want all women to know, single or not. Your life has significance because it is your life and there is nothing anyone can do to “complete” you because you are complete all on your own. To live your best life, you need to be your best self and be enthusiastic about seizing opportunities, experiencing new things and cultivating healthy and happy relationships—with others and yourself.  The more you know, respect and value yourself and the life you have created, the more attractive you will be to the opposite sex.  Happiness, confidence and independence are the sexiest things any woman can wear.

You can see why I adore Brenda! It’s such great advice to keep in mind and I think single women can get a little side tracked spending a lot of time and effort lamenting our love life when we could simply be out, well, loving our life! I believe, that you should live your life for yourself and a partner and love will find it’s way. Now if you want to see some other lies being raised on Cinderella has taught you, be sure to pick up Brenda’s fabulous and insightful book, Cinderella Was A Liar.

And that’s dating according to the Duchess (and Ms. Della Casa!).

Jill Brown is an Anchorage, Alaska based writer and blogger. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to sharing the ups and downs of life in Alaska. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: http://theduchessguide.com/

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