Duchess Digest: YOU Are the Common Demoninator

By Jill Brown

HappyWomanHave you ever noticed that the one thing all of your problems have in common is you? As I enter the world of a new relationship there are things about it that feel unique and wonderful, while there are other aspects that are already feeling like a little bit of history repeating. And that history has been repeated with my relationships with family members and friends too.

Hmmm . . . all the evidence is stacking up and it all points to the same obvious conclusion; the one thing that is the constant in every problem equation is me.

So at what point do you stop and notice that many of the reoccurring problems in your life always have you as the common denominator?

The bad thing about this is of course the realization that you aren’t, in fact, perfect or totally blameless. I know this is shocking and a tad hurtful. But it’s also very liberating in a way because when you realize that you’re the constant in the problems of your life, you’re free to
start taking action to make things great instead of relying on the change to greatness coming from another source or person.

Here is my simple action plan for self-assessing and overcoming yourself as the underscore of your problems.

Recognize: Yes, take notice of the top problems in your life. And recognize that you are, actually, part of the problem. Taking ownership of your part in your problems is the first step to recovery.

Recover: Instead of using step one as a catalyst for self-pity orself-loathing, pick up that tarnished fallen halo off the ground my angel and take a deep breath. Recognizing that you are part of the problem is a great way to take ownership of the issues in your life and to become motivated to change and improve. Don’t take recognition as an excuse to beat yourself up; take it as a cue to change your outlook, your attitude, your mindset and your actions. Recover from any pity, doubt or guilt and know that taking accountability for your part in the complex problems of your life is a great way to start solving and overcoming the obstacles.

Find the pro-active solution: No, this is not a Jessica Simpson endorsed skin care line product; this is your new motto for living life Say this often and out loud, “I consciously choose to be pro-active in creating my day and my life.” Yes ladies, you can choose how you want your day to go any day, every day, instead of reacting to thing that happen to you. Even if you simply commit to seeing and affirming the opportunity in every challenge; the choice is yours. Powerful women create change and opportunities. Victims react to life and problems as things “happen to them.”

Be strong! Remember, as Gandhi said, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

Or as the slightly lesser known Zen line went in Pretty Woman, “Work it baby, own it, it’s yours!”

–Jill Brown

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: www.theduchessguide.com


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