Duchess Digest: Failure is Never Final

By Jill Brown

Smiling facesColin Powell once said, “Avoid having your position so close to your ego that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.” While it seems the word “ego” today is the black sheep of the vocabulary family, if you think of Colin Powel’s quote more in terms of our self-worth you can see how it could be a dangerous thing.

With many positions being eliminated, titles being demoted and the winter climate of the economy and season settling in for a while, many of us, especially I think many of us single ladies, are feeling a bit of the draft. No longer are we basking in the rays of a secure robust economy and the assurance of another client or paycheck. And if the stress of that isn’t enough, it seems like many of the amazingly talented women I’m encountering are experiencing a bit of self-doubt and a hit to their self-confidence. I’m certainly no exception to this observation!

What I would like to remind you is that self-confidence can be developed and grown, self worth is never really determined by a position and our faith in ourselves is the most important skill we can develop and nurture. So in light of some fears, let me share five encouraging tips. Keep on keeping on ladies!

1. Failure is never fatal. Did you know Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times before he successfully created the incandescent light bulb? Seriously. Ten frickin thousand times! If you think you’re discouraged after a few missed clients or employment offers in your search, imagine how he felt! But when asked about the experience, Mr. Edison said, “I knew I would get it right; I was running out of ways for doing it wrong!”

2. Have some fun. “Nothing serious is going on here,” is one of my favorite Abraham quotes. Life is meant to be fun and enjoyable. Did you know the average toddler laughs 300 times a day? Did you know the average adult laughs about 15 times a day? Lighten up. You’ll feel better.

3. When the going gets tough, the smart get creative. Sure times are tough, but what you focus on is what you’ll find. If you aren’t feeling confident at the moment, try to think of yourself in terms of how you want to be. Taking the time to actively envision yourself as acting how you’re like to be (i.e. at your best) often helps you rise to the occasion! Try making a vision board or writing out detailed explanations of who you are at your ideal self.

4. Dreamers have to become Doers. Wishful, happy thinking alone isn’t going to truly develop confidence or help out with your daily life. You need to act. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” The end of your comfort zone is where growth really starts to take place. It’s supposed to be scary. Otherwise you’re too close to home!

5. Know your “Top Five.” It’s been said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with; who are your top five? Not the five people you wish you were hanging with the most but the actual five people you’re around. For many of us this will be co-workers and friends (maybe a spouse) and family. So who are these people? Do they inspire you? Bring you up? Make you feel hopeful, optimistic, respected? Taking a realistic look at your top five may help you to get your time and your priorities matched up with your ideal self.

–Jill Brown

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: www.theduchessguide.com

More SingleMindedWomen.com Relationship Articles

Finding Mr. Right: Are You Ready for Commitment?

Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No

Are you Dating a Relationship Terminator?