Duchess Digest: Three Easy Steps to Getting What You Want

By Jill Brown

Getting What You WantThrough the process of trial and error, I have figured out three very simple but seminal keys on how to get what you want in life. They can apply to love, they can apply to career, they can and do apply to any area of your life you choose. I could give you a big fancy wind up about what and how I arrived at these three steps, but it’s better to just deep dive into them; so lets go!

1. Figure out what you want.

You want to be happy. You hate being a corporate goon. You want a loving, committed relationship with the man of your dreams. You want more money. Hell you deserve more money. So what does that mean? For you that might mean 10,000 more a year. For me it might mean 100,000 more a year. For Angelina Jolie it might well be more like a million. So how much more money is it exactly? And why exactly do YOU deserve it? And what are you going to use it for? And why is your reason for wanting more? More in your paycheck, more out of your career, more in your relationships and more in your life? If you use vague statements and half-ass excuse whines about what you want and why you’re stuck – then prepare to have another year just like the last disappointing one.

Things to start to change DRAMATICALLY in your life when you start spending some time with your whys and your specifics. For instance, “I want more money and am undervalued at my job.” I could throw a dart and hit a few million people who would identify with that statement. And I could easily pin point all the same people who are going to stay in that rut. However, try this on for size. “I would like to earn 15,000 more this year. I plan to accomplish this by saying yes at work more, standing up for my values, staying positive and motivating at work no matter what and by sharing credit openly with my co-workers. I want this additional 15,000 because it’s been a dream of mine to take flying lessons for twelve years now and this year, I’m going to accomplish that. I’ve researched flight school and new classes start June 2nd. That gives me 6 months to set aside what money I can and to trust and believe that my shift at work will put into effect the opportunity and money I need to cover the difference by flight school time.”

That’s a lot more specific. It has the amounts. It has the deadline. It has action steps now toward accomplishing. It has a why and a concrete way to begin. Quite simply, something along the lines of this second statement and the commitment to trying for personal excellence is the first key to getting exactly what you want. When you get specific, and when you start where you are, right now, and stay consistent – miracles happen. I’ve had living proof of it in my own life. I promise you it will work.

2. Enjoy the Process. It’s the key to happiness.

Too often in life we focus on “are we there yet” instead of looking out along the drive. It’s a cliche piece of advice, but only because it’s so rarely heeded. If you enjoy the process of what you’re doing – you’re much more apt to succeed, excel and ironically, propel yourself toward the outcome quicker. The person who loves writing is able to crank out a novel in no time because the act of sitting and writing is a joy to them. Likewise the person who enjoys building a strong financial foundation or developing their personal abilities and skills is one who seems themselves succeed that much faster. If you’re always focused on the outcome, your happiness and your achievements are always at some indefinite place in the future. You lose the ability to live in the present and that ultimately robs you of experiencing life to the fullest. Happiness comes from truly enjoying where you are right now. Who you’re with (or not), what you’re listening to, what you’re doing, what you’re seeing right now is the gateway to a life well lived. Stop focusing on what’s next and enjoy what’s now. Be a devotee to the process of becoming.

3. Learn How to Ask.

Refer back to exactly what you want in tip one. Now here’s the kicker in this step to getting exactly what you want. Figure out how to ask for what you want and START ASKING. My experience in life has been that most people are helpful and want to get you what you want if they can help. Sure they aren’t going to jump through hoops for you, but if they know a guy who knows a girl who needs a great dog walker and that’s your dream – they’ll probably put in a quick call or email for you. But if you want to be or do something – start asking people in the know. Ask them how, ask them who to talk to, ask them what they did – ask! If you don’t ask the answer is ALWAYS going to be no. The other key component of this process is that you learn HOW to ask. We’ve all had that annoying networking event person or co-worker with the “slick” approach and the million questions. If you start becoming “that Guy/Gal” no one is going to help you. So figure out how to ask for what you need and want in life and you’ll be on the fast track to getting anything you want.

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous selves for dating success.  For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: http://theduchessguide.com/


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