Duchess Digest: When Life Gives You Liz Lemon!

By -Jill Brown

You know the saying, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade?” Well what about when life imitates a Lemon? No, not the yellow, citrus, sour fruit from the tree kind of lemon but rather the lovable NBC employed Liz variety of Lemon from 30 Rock. All too often I find myself watching Tina Fey’s Liz Lemon character and seriously wondering, “Is she tapping my phone calls?” or “is there a Live web cam in the house I’m unaware of where she’s getting this material on tape?”

Which brings me to this weeks Dating like a Duchess submission question. Another Miss Guided reader wondering what to do when your life looks eerily similar to the Liz Lemon plot line; only it’s not as funny in real life as on tv in 30 Rock.

Dear Duchess,

I feel like I’ve always had high standards for what I want in a mate. I have a great career, my finances are in order, I have great girlfriends and a full life. But I can’t help but feel like I would like to date. I feel like Tina Fey’s character where I have a great life that I’m happy with but would like a partner to share it with. Are my standards too high? Should I revisit old partners I passed up because I was “too picky” or do I wait out this dry spell and hope there’s water on the other end of this dating desert? Is true love a mirage only made for the girls in the Dubai on the new Sex & the City movie? Or is there a chance at real love out there? I feel like I have a lot to offer, so where is he? I’m so tired of hearing “love yourself “ – I do! My life is great how it is, I’d just like to share it with someone too. Any advice?

-Lemon life look-a-like

Oh life like Lemon! I hear you. This is the age old debate. If we’re happy with where we are, why isn’t a partner coming along?

  • First off, let me say that I wouldn’t advise rehashing the past. Those relationships ended for a reason and odds are good that if you went back through the goods, they’re still odd. Something didn’t work about those relationships to begin with so better to let lying dogs rest (in peace – ciao!).
  • As far as the rest of it, I’m just going to say the thing that’s tough to hear and that you may hate me for; let go. Seriously. I can sense that while you surely ARE the total package, you are trying to convince me (and therefore I’m sure the men you’re encountering) that you’re whole on your own. All that convincing has an opposite effect however; as Queen Gertrude said in Shakespeare’s Macbeth, “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” Convincing is NEVER sexy. You know, you’ve dated men in the past who tried to convince you – it works both ways and it’s never good!

Shift your focus truly and absolutely to just being happy with what and how you are now. If your life is awesome then just rock your awesome life. After all, we don’t see Miss Lemon crying too much over spilled milk. She’s learning as she goes and not spending too much time getting caught up on the break-ups and the applicants. Her plot line is so humorous because at some point or another we ladies can all relate to a dating dry spell; she just handles it with a much better attitude and sense of humor than most. Focus on you, focus on the fun and I promise you the moment you slip into not noticing whether a partner is there or not – that’s the moment he’ll appear. That’s just the way it is. Some things will never change.

And that’s dating according to the Duchess.

-Jill Brown

Have a question of your own you’d like answered? Please leave your dating questions in the comments below or email me to get your dating questions answered at: jill@theduchessguide.com. Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous selves for dating success.  For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: http://theduchessguide.com/

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