Duchess Digest: Yes You Can!

By Jill Brown

YesYouCanWe all go through time periods where we feel like victims. It’s tempting, but very dangerous, to look to another time, person or situation as being the solution to the rut we’re sitting down in. It’s the old “if only, then” slogan that can get us ladies into some serious trouble. If only I had a boyfriend, then I’d be happy. If only I made more money, then I’d be financially secure. If only I had small thighs, then I’d be beautiful.

We’re all guilty of this. I write and coach for my business every single day and I STILL fall prey to the silent “if only, then” stalking beast of the shadows. I thought if only I lived in L.A., then I’d be happy. Once here I thought, if only I had a committed relationship, then I’d be happy. Once I found the man who for all intents and purposes feels like the soul mate I’ve dreamed of pretty much my whole life, I found myself on the phone last night whining to a girlfriend, “If only he was here, then I’d be happy and feel better.” Let’s pretend right here and now that this column has audio and you just heard the screeching brakes of a sports car
skidding to a stop.

In other words, STOP!!!!

I did what I know you’ve done and I’ve coached you not to; putting my belief behind the happiness and security and confidence that awaits me in greener pastures of the future. This is quite possibly the easiest and worst scenario to buy into! It’s putting off responsibility for your life, your emotions and your state of mind to another time, another person or
another situation.

So if, like me, you’ve done a little “if only, then” thinking of your own recently – here are three quick steps to turn it around immediately. Don’t put off your joy and peace of mind for a future date and time. Do it, live it, be it now. It’s up to YOU!

1. Check yourself! Remember that popular catch phrase of the late 90’s. Well you best check yourself again! Pavlov’s dogs had the trigger of the bell to let their glands know when to start salivating for food. So you can train your brain too! The proverbial bell you’re going to listen for from now on in your speech is “if only, then.” When you hear yourself beginning to utter this sentence structure in your spoken or mental conversations – let it be the trigger phrase that kicks your mind into overdrive and stops the terms in its tracks. Check yourself for the slogan, then stop yourself from saying it and move on to the next step.

2.  Pony Up Lady! Yep, time for you to pony up and take accountability. When you’re responsible for yourself, you have the power to take action. Even a little anger can be great if it busts you out of the rut of whining and feeling depressed about a situation and gets you to take action and accountability for the way things are RIGHT NOW. Pony up! Instead of
saying, “if only, then” say, “I can.” And then put your inspired action behind that “I can” statement. Whether you can choose to think a more empowering thought, choose to not eat out for a whole month to put an extra $100 toward savings, or choose to just take walk – you CAN do something. President Obama won an entire presidential campaign out of relative obscurity on one simple slogan, “Yes, we can!” And YOU CAN TOO!

3. Ask Yourself the Fab 3! If you’re looking for ways to take inspired action about your “if only, then” scenario ask yourself these three questions about your perceived problem or issue. A) What about this is good? B) What about this is great? C) What about this could be even better? Ask yourself those three questions every time and you’ll look for the opportunity in every challenge life throws at you. It may sound Pollyanna but hey, she got the experimental surgery in the end of the movie – so is playing the glad game really such a bad thing?

–Jill Brown

Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: www.theduchessguide.com


15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Finding Mr. Right: It’s Mind Over Matter

Five Typical Myths about Mr. Right

Finding Mr. Right: His Bromance vs. Your Romance

When You Rebound for All The Wrong Reasons

Finding Mr. Right: Are You Ready for Commitment?