Finding Mr. Right: His Bromance vs. Your Romance

By Josie Brown

iluvumanEvery now and then a movie comes along that catches the zeitgeist of its era. I LOVE YOU, MAN, starring Paul Rudd as The Perfect Guy for gal-with-a-posse Rashida Jones, and Jason Segel as his new best (and only) friend, touches on a topic near and dear to many women’s hearts:

Guys and their bromances.

So, what exactly does it mean when the man in your life spends more time on man dates with his best bud than he does on dates with you?

And yet, you believe him when he says  (a) he can’t live without you, (b) he’s so totally into you, and (c) you’re the only girl for him.

Well, of course you are. Because you’re the only person he knows with two X chromosomes who’ll put up with his man boy shenanigans. Heck, even his mom has kicked him out of her basement.

No, we’re not talking about The Perfect Guy, but the other dude:

The lonely guy.

That is, he was–until you felt sorry enough to take him home with you.

And that’s where he’s stayed ever since: Him, his big screen TV, his wii, and the guitar he still thinks will bring him fame and fortune.

Lucky you . . . right?

Well, not really. And here are three very important reasons why:

1. The things that are important to you don’t matter to him. Like your birthday. And that he promised to go with you to your parents’ house. Oh yeah, and that he was going to take you out . . . instead of go out with his homies. All these are red flags that he’s with you for all the wrong reasons–like, say, he sees you more as a very nice friend with some very sweet benefits, and nothing more.

2. You’re deserve to get as much as you give. You’re doing everything you can to keep this relationship together, but he still takes you for granted. And you still forgive him. Why is that? He’s not your little boy. Then again, his man boy antics prove he’s got a lot of growing up to do. Do you want to spend the next few years being his mommy?

3. Your denial is keeping you from someone who may be much more into you. No matter how many excuses he gives you, the fact of the matter is he’s not ready to man up to this (or perhaps any) relationship.

And that means it’s time for you to move on.


Josie Brown,’s Relationships Channel Editor, is the author of two novels: IMPOSSIBLY TONGUE-TIED, and TRUE HOLLYWOOD LIES. Her next book, written with her husband, Martin, is the perfect self-help manual for your BFF (…okay, and for you, too). It’s THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT [September 2009]


15 Very Broad Hints that You’re Dating a Man Ho

Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out–with Him

THE BACHELOR’s Prince Charming Falls Off His Horse