His Lips Unzipped: “Have I bruised his male ego?”
By Martin Brown
I ticked off my boyfriend last week by making a few innocent cracks about how well endowed he is. I told him later, when we were alone, that I thought he was more than adequate in that department—but he blew-up anyway! Gosh why are guys so sensitive? And not just about THAT, but so many other things as well?
—Patty in Pensacola, FL
I don’t doubt that women would prefer to find a man whose penis is larger than his ego, but from the stories I’ve heard over the years, that just doesn’t seem to be the case.
The things that men and women are sensitive about can differ greatly, but it is safe to say that when you cross a certain line with either, a little bell should go off in your head.
I grant you that defining that line can be maddeningly difficult, but when it comes to the care and feeding of the male ego, there are certain general precautions you should take:
Good Laughs Gone Bad
Humor is unique to each one of us. What one person finds funny leaves another person cold. Most guys find humor that is too biting, and too free flowing, to be a source of discomfort. If you have a quick wit when it comes to cutting a person down to size, the guy that you’re dating figures out in a hurry that what is directed at others could easily be turned around and directed at him. My advice is that when you’re uncertain, hold the laugh lines in check.
Men protect their strong sense of self particularly when challenged: The world of dating can be pretty scary to a guy. One way or another, men get their egos bruised particularly when they are easily bruised in the first place. So guys get skittish around women who look like they make a cutting remark first and ask questions later. If you don’t want to chase him off in a hurry put a brake on the sarcaism and let the kinder you come out to play.
Men’s Egos Vary Given the Situation egos
Around his guy pals he’s probably going to be less defensive than when he’s around your gal pals. Guys are comfortable and accustomed to the put-downs that they throw at one another. But around your pals, his instincts tell him to impress the ladies, so he’s going to be that much more sensitive as to how he is perceived and how you act towards him.
Men Live to Be Desired
Women make the mistake of thinking that the need to be desired is unique to them. It’s not. A man’s ego is more easily bruised when he’s hoping to impress other females, or even a particular male that, for whatever reason, he sees as competition.
A good example of this is how crazy guys get when they are in the presence of any man you previously dated. If you must talk to your ex in his presence, hold the arm of your new mate. This announces to the world that you are with a man you find highly desirable. And your guy knows that others see this, and his ego is assured that he is admired.
Will he tell you that he wants this attention?
Rarely, if ever. So you let your instinct be your guide. Build him up in your words and deeds, just as you’d hope he would do to to.
Hey, and if you think a man with a healthy ego is difficult to live with, try having a relationship with a man who has too little ego. You’ll find that’s like owning a car without an engine. No matter how nice it looks, it’s never going to get you anywhere!
More His Lips Unzipped Columns
Dating a Stare Master
© 2008 His Lips Unzipped, by Martin Brown.
Martin is co-author, along with his wife, Josie, of Marriage Confidential: 102 Honest Answers to All the Questions Every Husband Wants to Ask, and Every Wife Needs to Know.