His Lips Unzipped: Romancing the Stone-Age Man
By Martin Brown
In a lot of ways I think the guy that I’ve been dating for the last two years is pretty terrific. But when it comes to special occasions, like Valentine’s Day, I feel like he just doesn’t get it. How do I let him know that doing something sweet, silly, and sexy for me on Valentine’s Day is a real turn-on? In other words, is there anyway to squeeze some romance out of a stone-age man?
—Carla in Wilmington, NC
Well, you’ve got one part of the equation right: he is a caveman. But don’t be too upset. A lot of really great guys also drag their knuckles when it comes to knowing what the women in their lives really want. The mistake that women make, over and over again, is to think that their guys have the instincts to pick up on their subtle hints. More often than not that presumption leaves them both annoyed and disappointed.
To save yourself the frustration, draw your guy a picture. In other words, share with him some stories like what Joan told you Joe did for her on Valentine’s Day, or the really sweet story Sue told about Sam’s special plans for a night of romance. I hate to rundown my gender, but we’re pretty much a monkey-see/ monkey-do kind of subset of the human species. If you want him to do the right thing, show him the way. Here’s how:
Don’t be shy about stating your needs.
You might want to think that he knows what you want or what you expect but he doesn’t. So show and tell.
Let a movie do the talking.
Something fun, but making the point that true love really does conquer all. Whether it’s Harry Met Sally, or In Her Shoes, it gives you an opportunity to talk about relationships in an indirect way. In other words, your guy is not the insensitive boob portrayed in the film, but as you might point out, it’s “funny how some guys just don’t get it.”
Honesty trumps subtlety every time.
Men don’t respond very well to subtleties, if you think dinner at a romantic spot, a night at a B&B, or a dozen other romantic ideas are what you’d like to do for Valentine’s Day, or any other special occasion, than just come out and say it openly and honestly. Women are big on the art of anticipating each other’s needs and they expect men to have that quality as well. Truth be told, they don’t. After you have told him about your Bed and Breakfast romantic fantasy he may ask about the what or where. So give him some examples online of places that you like and then say, surprise me. In other words, lead the horse right up to the water bucket, if he can’t figure out what to do at that point, get a new horse.
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Martin is co-author, along with his wife, Josie, of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right.