Why Hugh Hefner Has a Runaway Bride

By Josie Brown

You’ve got to hand it to Playboy founder/editor-in-chief Hugh Hefner: he makes great headlines–even when a bride leaves him at the altar.

From that standpoint, it pays to have a journalistic background.

No doubt about it: the announcement of his third marriage — at eighty-four, to twenty-four year-old Playmate Crystal Harris — was hot news.

Sadly, for all the wrong reasons.

So was Crystal’s cold feet

Don’t get me wrong. Pesonally, I’m all for marriage. I just feel that the best reasons to tie the knot are emotional ones, like love and commitment, as opposed to upping your Twitter followers, website stats, or magazine circulation.

I guess Crystal thought she was getting something out of it, too — that is, if they’d been a legal couple by the time Hef’s will was being read. I hate to be so blunt about it, but come on already: if she wasn’t acting like a gold digger (or as Twitter account @BestWorstAdvice puts it, grave digger), then she’s got one helluva daddy complex.

Make that Grandpa complex. If that isn’t a cry for help, then I don’t know what is.

The absolute best line on Twitter:

@pattonoswalt: Hope when I turn 60 I can think, quietly, “My wife is being born somewhere.” #hefner

When it was announced, he most ironic thing I’ve heard about it came from The Son, who said: “He’s eighty-four, and he’s been married only three times? Well, I guess that’s something.”

Interesting perspective. Just goes to show that there’s an upside to everything, even this relationship.

Running the original lad mag, there’s no doubt that The Hef has certainly slept with enough beautiful women. And certainly progeny isn’t an issue, what with golden daughter, Christie, and son David (from first wife, Mildred), and spares Marston and Cooper (from second wife, Kimberley).

So, is it true love? Nah. It’s strictly a numbers game.

If you want in on it, here’s a heads-up: The New York Stock Exchange symbols for Playboy Enterprises are PLA and PLAA.

On their supposed wedding day, Hef planned a movie party. Featured was “Runaway Bride.”

He only wishes Crystal were Julia Roberts.

Short-term gain, all the way.


Check out Josie Brown’s novel: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores now. Order it TODAY!

“Hollywood’s got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading.”Jackie Collins, Hollywood Wives