Mars Venus Q&A: When Do You Say “I Love You”?

By John Gray

"I love you" written in Lipstick JOHN GRAY articleQ:  Okay, so I screwed up! I said those “three little words” to my boyfriend before he was ready to hear them.  He was divorced in June, just one week after we met. My better judgment told me not to get involved, but in December we moved in together, and in  I said “it,” and in June he backed off. When things got serious instead of fun, I moved out.  We still are on good terms but we really don’t talk much or do anything together.  Is there any hope?
–Ooops! in Ft. Worth, TX

Dear Ooops!,
You’re right. You were his first relationship after his separation, and it was too soon for him to hear that you feel this way exclusively for him. Since he may still be processing his feelings after his divorce, the last thing he is ready to do is to know how he feels about you. At this point, if you push to hard, you will in fact push him away.

Before he can determine that you are the one and only relationship he wants, he needs to explore his options, which means dating others.

You, too have that option, and I would encourage you to explore them. Why? Because both of you have a say in whether a relationship between you is best for both of you.

If it is meant to be, he’ll come back around, and by then you’ll have determined that it’s right for you, too.

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus BY JOHN GRAYJohn Gray, Ph.D – the best selling relationship author of all time – is the author of 16 best-selling books including Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: one of the best-selling books of the last decade. In the past fifteen years, over 40 million Mars Venus books have been sold in over 45 languages throughout the world. His latest book Why Mars and Venus Collide. Visit his website at


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