Five Myths About Mr. Right
By Josie Brown and Martin Brown
You shouldn’t be surprised to learn that there are a variety of myths that have developed about the identity of this seemingly elusive Mr. Right. Here are five common myths about Mr. Right, accompanied by some truths and goals that allow you to do some much needed myth-busting as an important first step in finding your very own Mr. Right:
Myth #1: “He will be perfect, in every way…”
Truth: Reality Check: You’re not perfect. And no one else is, either.
Your Goal: Seeking a mate who embodies admirable traits is one thing; unattainably high expectations is another. If you want to have a realistic relationship, you have to be willing to compromise.
Myth #2: “He will have to work hard to win my attention.”
Truth: According to a recent Naumann Research poll, close to two-thirds of both men and women believe in love at first sight. Of these, a little over half experienced this phenomenon first hand—and three quarters of them are still married.
Your Goal: An initial attraction is always needed to get the ball rolling. But the true test of love happens over time, and demonstrates itself in random acts of love. You, too, will have to work hard, if the relationship is to have a chance to survive, and thrive.
Myth #3: “He will always be romantic.”
Truth: Men are not, by their nature, romantic creatures. Yes, they fall in love, and are capable of loving another, but romance is a learned trait. In fact in a recent study quoted in Men’s Health, only 58 percent of men consider themselves romantic, compared to 72 percent of women. In fact, when asked about their attitude toward Valentine’s Day, the average male response was “I can take it or leave it.” The second most popular answer was “It’s for her, not for me.”
Your Goal: Find a guy who loves you instinctively and wholeheartedly. Then teach him how to express his love romantically. If you take your time, and are willing to show considerable patience, both of you will enjoy these love lessons.
Myth #4: “He will always do the right thing.”
Truth: That’s great, in theory. But, will you always agree on what is “right?” And if he only sees ethics and mores in black and white, would you really want to marry a man who is incapable of compromise, or who can’t appreciate the viewpoint of others?
Your Goal: To meet (and marry) a man with a strong sense of self, purpose, and ethics—but one who is also willing to see the other side of every issue, especially yours.
Myth #5: “I will never fight with him.”
Truth: Couples who never fight may be holding back from being honest, too. Eventually, however, this forced “honesty” wears thin on one partner, or both. If you can’t openly express your feelings to the one you love most, you may not love them forever.
Your Goal: Seek a mate who will be open and honest with you as to his needs, wants, and desires, and who respectfully allows you the same courtesy.
The big lesson here is that time does not stand still, and neither do our perceptions of ourselves, and others. If you’re growing emotionally, your ideals are constantly changing as well. More specifically, you’re becoming more discerning as to your needs and desires, and honing in on traits that will either turn you off, or turn you on.
This change in attitude is a mix of several things that include:
• Your life experience, and how greatly you have (or haven’t) grown;
• The number and variety of people that make-up your social circle; and
• Your previous relationships with men.
Myth busting begins with you. That said, here are three things to put into action now:
• Don’t pass up your opportunity to meet Mr. Right because he doesn’t live up to your original ideal of “Prince Charming.”
• Find a guy who loves you instinctively. If need be, with your patience and guidance, in time you’ll teach him how to express that love.
• You want a man with a strong set of values—but he must also be able to see and respect your point of view.
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Excerpted from THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT, the perfect self-help manual for your BFF (…okay, and for you, too). Authors Martin Brown and Josie Brown are SingleMindedWomen.com’s Health and Relationships channel editors, respectively.
Josie is also the author of two novels: IMPOSSIBLY TONGUE-TIED, and TRUE HOLLYWOOD LIES. Look for her third novel The DILF, in bookstores Summer 2010.
OTHER SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES
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When You Rebound for All The Wrong Reasons
Finding Mr. Right: Are You Ready for Commitment?
Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No
Are you Dating a Relationship Terminator?
Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out–with Him
Finding Mr. Right: When Moving In Together Works
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Finding Mr. Right: Will “Pink Viagra” Give Us Ladies a Lusty Libido?
Myth #3: “He will always be romantic.” — HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
The one thing that I don’t agree with here is the statement “an initial attraction is ALWAYS needed to get the ball rolling”. Firstly, and not to be a killjoy, here – but we know that we have to be careful whenever we use words like “always” and “never”.
That said, I’ve had enough life experience to know that an initial attraction simply is not needed, and certainly not ALWAYS needed to get the ball rolling.
My husband died last May, and when I first met him I truly could not stand him. He did work hard to get my attention and affection. Consequently, I shared 14 years of my life with this man.
I’ve just started dating again,and this Sunday I’m going out for only the second time since my husband’s death. Still, both these guys – the first one that I went out with and now this one – really didn’t attract me at all when I first met them.
Give these guys a chance and don’t discount them simply because you didn’t hear the proverbial bells at first glance.
BTW, the first guy turned out to be a great date. We had an incredible time and I’m looking forward to seeing him again. If he’s not a romantic partner, I definately want to have a friendship with him.
And the second guy ? I’ve known him for a few months, now – and he’s an absolute sweetheart. Couldn’t be happier about going out together in a few days.
Give them a chance.
This one is a fun article! Yeah I totally agree with this entry.. Guys are not really what we think they are.. We create our own myths, and it’s up to us to believe in that. Anyway i found my new prince in this site ! Well Just wanna share. Sooner I’ll be in a relationship..wehehe.
I Enjoyed Reading!!
Thanks for your great comments.
ChrisB, your levity is appreciated. Granted, romance is not a trait known in all men, but some men do excel — and I love to give them credit when they do (as I’m sure you do, as well). Hey, all goes with that old saying “You catch more flies with honey than vineagar…”
JovitaRose: Thanks for relaying those two wonderful love storied. You’re right: sometimes the attraction bells and whistles aren’t there initially — which is why it’s always important to give the more persistent guys a second chance. Besides, any of us can make a mistake on first dates, which is why do-overs are appreciated. I truly believe that a Mr. Right has to be a friend as well as a lover. If he’s only a lover, it just won’t last. We devote a whole chapter of this in our book.
Jing, thanks for validating our myth theory. If we can stay away from preconceived perceptions as opposed to the realities of the person and the situation, you’re more likely to have an open mind — and an open heart.
: ) Josie