Five Myths About Mr. Right
By Josie Brown and Martin Brown
You shouldn’t be surprised to learn that there are a variety of myths that have developed about the identity of this seemingly elusive Mr. Right. Here are five common myths about Mr. Right, accompanied by some truths and goals that allow you to do some much needed myth-busting as an important first step in finding your very own Mr. Right:
Myth #1: “He will be perfect, in every way…”
Truth: Reality Check: You’re not perfect. And no one else is, either.
Your Goal: Seeking a mate who embodies admirable traits is one thing; unattainably high expectations is another. If you want to have a realistic relationship, you have to be willing to compromise.
Myth #2: “He will have to work hard to win my attention.”
Truth: According to a recent Naumann Research poll, close to two-thirds of both men and women believe in love at first sight. Of these, a little over half experienced this phenomenon first hand—and three quarters of them are still married.
Your Goal: An initial attraction is always needed to get the ball rolling. But the true test of love happens over time, and demonstrates itself in random acts of love. You, too, will have to work hard, if the relationship is to have a chance to survive, and thrive.
Myth #3: “He will always be romantic.”
Truth: Men are not, by their nature, romantic creatures. Yes, they fall in love, and are capable of loving another, but romance is a learned trait. In fact in a recent study quoted in Men’s Health, only 58 percent of men consider themselves romantic, compared to 72 percent of women. In fact, when asked about their attitude toward Valentine’s Day, the average male response was “I can take it or leave it.” The second most popular answer was “It’s for her, not for me.”
Your Goal: Find a guy who loves you instinctively and wholeheartedly. Then teach him how to express his love romantically. If you take your time, and are willing to show considerable patience, both of you will enjoy these love lessons.
Myth #4: “He will always do the right thing.”
Truth: That’s great, in theory. But, will you always agree on what is “right?” And if he only sees ethics and mores in black and white, would you really want to marry a man who is incapable of compromise, or who can’t appreciate the viewpoint of others?
Your Goal: To meet (and marry) a man with a strong sense of self, purpose, and ethics—but one who is also willing to see the other side of every issue, especially yours.
Myth #5: “I will never fight with him.”
Truth: Couples who never fight may be holding back from being honest, too. Eventually, however, this forced “honesty” wears thin on one partner, or both. If you can’t openly express your feelings to the one you love most, you may not love them forever.
Your Goal: Seek a mate who will be open and honest with you as to his needs, wants, and desires, and who respectfully allows you the same courtesy.
The big lesson here is that time does not stand still, and neither do our perceptions of ourselves, and others. If you’re growing emotionally, your ideals are constantly changing as well. More specifically, you’re becoming more discerning as to your needs and desires, and honing in on traits that will either turn you off, or turn you on.
This change in attitude is a mix of several things that include:
• Your life experience, and how greatly you have (or haven’t) grown;
• The number and variety of people that make-up your social circle; and
• Your previous relationships with men.
Myth busting begins with you. That said, here are three things to put into action now:
• Don’t pass up your opportunity to meet Mr. Right because he doesn’t live up to your original ideal of “Prince Charming.”
• Find a guy who loves you instinctively. If need be, with your patience and guidance, in time you’ll teach him how to express that love.
• You want a man with a strong set of values—but he must also be able to see and respect your point of view.
Excerpted from THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT, the perfect self-help manual for your BFF (…okay, and for you, too). Authors Martin Brown and Josie Brown are SingleMindedWomen.com’s Health and Relationships channel editors, respectively.
OTHER SMW RELATIONSHIPS ARTICLES