Sex and the SMW: “Is he having an affair?”
By Josie Brown
My boyfriend goes out of town a lot, on business. I never thought I’d suspect him of seeing another woman, but lately he has skipped our traditional on-the-road goodnight calls. Worse yet, he’s finding excuses for working late when he’s in town. One night when he was out of town, I called his hotel room–and a woman answered! Later, when I called again, he swore that the hotel operator routed me the wrong room. I’m losing trust! Is that wrong of me to do?
— Jessica P., in Charlotte, NC
What you’re describing has all the telltale signs that your suspicions are valid: his pulling away, vague excuses for the times in which he’s been missing in action, the strange woman on the other end of the phone.
But until you confront him and he confesses, you’ll never know for sure. And if you don’t have this necessary conversation, you’ll always have your doubts.
Worse yet, you’ll never be able to trust him again.
If you chose to live in denial, eventually your lack of trust will get the better of you–and turn you into an insecure wreck.
Instead, invite him over. Open up about all your concerns, and ask him to be honest with you as to whether you’re right.
If he can explain his change of behavior in a manner that sounds reasonable to you, and insists that you’re imagining things, give him the benefit of the doubt. But if you’re doubts persist, you need to remain vigilant and to pursue the truth.
If it turns out that you’re right, you both will have a choice to make:
If he wants to be forgiven, and you feel that you can do this, go into couples counseling together. This way you’ll address the core reasons for his infidelity, and work through your trust issues.
If you can’t forgive him, send him packing. Dishonesty in a relationship eats away at the ties that bind you together. You can’t drive around it, like a pothole on the road. If you don’t think trust will ever come back, it’s time to move on with the rest of your life.
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