Sex and the SMW: Long Distance Relationships

By Josie Brown

Heart on a map“My last relationship was cross-country. It was wonderful—until it came time for one of us to make that leap to be on the same coast. Neither of us could see moving to the other’s home base, so that was the end of that. Now I’m going through a similar dilemma. The new man in my life lives ‘across the pond,’ and I want to spend more time with him than once every couple of months, which what I can do now, as long as free flight mileage holds out and vacation days holds out. But I want more than a part-time boyfriend. My job is more high-powered than his, and would be hard to duplicate in London. But I can’t convince him to come stateside. Help!” —Lori S., New York, NY.

If you are sincere in your feelings that this is THE GUY, then even the thought of taking a lesser, or different, position shouldn’t stop you. (In fact, with the British Pound worth about time and a half the dollar’s value, the payday for a less prestigious job there may actually be comparable, or even more.)

Besides the money issue, here are some other things to take into consideration:

#1. Right now, you love him in small doses.

Will that change when you’re with him 24/7? Perhaps holding on to your current residence and taking a sabbatical from your current job is the best way to test your commitment to each other. It would be sad if you gave up everything to find out that your long-distance fantasy was truly a nightmare.

#2. Test the limits. ALL of them.

When you’re only weekend lovers, you seem to hold a lot in—until you get back onto your home turf. However, the only way a relationship truly works is if both of you are willing to be honest and open about your needs.

#3. What happens if things don’t work out between you?

You punt, that’s what. Just because you end up leaving him doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to Big Ben. Or  Handsome Harry. Or Gentleman Jim.  In other words, your life is what you make of it—wherever that may be.

Besides, if you want to go home after your great adventure, you can always click your heels three times . . .

And climb aboard the next Virgin Air flight back home.

Got a question? Email Josie here…


Josie Brown, SMW’s relationship editor, is the author of two snarky Hollywood novels: Impossibly Tongue-Tied, and True Hollywood Lies. Along with her husband, Martin, she is the author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right [September 2009]