Sex and the SMW: “The man in my life lives with his mother!”
By Josie Brown
Congratulations, you’ve found yourself a real family guy! Someone who respects his elders and embraces tradition. All great traits, right?
That depends. Any action on his part that has you wondering: “Will his mother always come first?” may mean that you have good reason to suspect that she will.
To determine if his current living arrangement is the result of (a) a temporary financial setback, (b) his immature attachment to the race car bed he’s slept in since he left the cradle, or (c) Mama’s well-honed gift for guilt, watch for these telltale signs:
Telltale Sign #1: He is reluctant to introduce you to her.
You two are now dating each other exclusively. Still, you feel like “the other woman.” While he certainly enjoys his time with you, he’s always watching the clock, or calling home. And he certainly lets you know that your time together is dependent on what is happening in the rest of his life—with her. To test him, go ahead and pop the question. No, not that one, but this: “I’d love to meet your mom! Can I come over?”
If he hems and haws, hear him out as to why not. Then ask again. If he doesn’t budge, it’s your turn to move—out the door, and fast.
Telltale Sign #2: He’s a different person around her.
You’ve met Mom, and you two are certainly hitting it off. He should be happy about this, but he seems to be M.I.A. Is this a case of Seinfeldian “worlds colliding”” Could be. If he can’t handle the truth—that you two can, and will, talk to each other, and usually about him—then he’s not ready for an honest, open relationship with either of you.
Telltale Sign #3: He never contradicts her—especially when she’s talking about you.
She butts in. You very pointedly ask her to butt out. He says nothing.
Or every disagreement ends with her asking him: “What do you think, Son?” Then, like her little Pavlovian lap dog, he answers, “Mom is right . . .”
Guess what? In his mind, she will always be first, too.
A primary relationship comes with certain privileges and built-in boundaries. If Mama continually breaks them and his response is to shrug and let her, then it’s time to say goodbye to this loving couple.
Bottom line: he may be a doting son, but he’ll never be your partner.
Got a question? Email Josie here…