Sex and the SMW: “Where are all the single men?”

By Josie Brown


I’ve just turned thirty-three. Is it my imagination, or are all the great guys married? How come the men who are left seem to be workaholics, party animals, or just downright pathetic? And if they aren’t pathetic, they’re ambivalent. What’s with that? If you’ve got any ideas where all the single men have gone, enlighten the rest of us.
—Danielle C., Seattle, WA

Okay, so let me get this straight: you want a road map to Manville?

Sure, there are certain cities and parts of the country where the odds are more in your favor. But seriously, are you ready to move to Alaska? Brrrrrrr. Maybe we should revisit this topic in July.

No doubt about it, much of dating is a numbers game. Unless you’re just totally disenchanted with every facet of your life (beyond your love life, that is), more than likely the guy you’re looking for is living a very similar life to yours. For example, if your in a fast-paced job that puts you in front of a lot of people, more than likely your best match is doing the same. If family is important to you, it’s important to him, too. And if you are someone whose name and fame is based on your creative endeavors, odds are you’ll be happier with an artist than an accountant.

So now the question is: Are you in the right place to find this Mr. Wonderful?

More than likely, that’s an affirmative. Because just like there are billions of stars within our galaxy, there are also several potential Mr. Wonderfuls within your current sphere of gravity. The bigger question is how open you are to recognizing him.

From your letter, it’s obvious that you’ve been burned in your quest for the Holy (Smokes!) Male. But before you pack your bags for hopefully greener pastures, let me suggest a different tactic:  look for whatever elusive prey is hiding in plain sight.

To help you open your eyes, let me suggest three very close destinations that will take you where no woman has gone before (And no, I don’t mean Alaska):

Destination #1: Around the corner.
If you think you know your own neighborhood like the back of your well-mani’d paw, think again. Is there a dusty old bookshop you’ve never walked into? Your guy may be right there, perusing old Raymond Chandler first editions. Or perhaps there is some smoky bar that doesn’t look like it would even own a martini glass, let alone know how to make a chocolatini. Well, go ahead and cross that threshold. Maybe he’s warming the barstool under the TV that’s blaring tonight’s basketball game. Better yet, maybe he’s the cute guy working behind the bar. In other words, he’s hiding in plain sight.

Destination #2: Around the office.
Even if he doesn’t work with you, he may be working in your building. If there are several elevator banks that go to different floors, take a different one. Maybe this time you won’t get the shaft (unless you want to.)

Destination #3: Around other guys.
They’re a lot like other species, that travel in packs. Their watering holes include stadiums and ball fields, so learn to love a sport, any sport. Or as Eve Arden said in Grease, “If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.”

Better yet, have your big brother or best male buddy introduce you to someone new. He may know just the guy who can truly rock your world—without your having to leave your’hood.

And of course, offer to return the favor.

Got a question? Email Josie here…




Josie Brown, SMW’s relationship editor, is the author of two snarky Hollywood novels: Impossibly Tongue-Tied, and True Hollywood Lies. She is also co-author, along with her husband Martin, of Marriage Confidential: 102 Honest Answers to the Question Every Husband Wants to Ask, and Every Wife Needs to Know.