Sex & the SMW: “I only date younger men…”

By Josie Brown

pic1“I’m thirty-six, and I seem to have a hard time dating guys my own age, or anyone over forty, for that matter. This doesn’t seem like an issue with the younger men I date, because I like the same things they do: I’m athletic, I don’t like staying in at night when there are so many places to go, and people to meet.  Besides, most guys my age seem ‘settled’ already. But my girlfriends warn me that hanging with younger men may backfire on me, once I hit forty. Are they right?”
—Connie P., Fayetteville, NC

Girls just wanna have fun, right? And certainly it’s okay to be one of the girls who do so. And it can be fun dating someone younger.

That said: Are your girlfriends expressing a legitimate concern?

Sure they are—that is, if in fact your goals at thirty-six are the same as theirs. For example, if they haven’t done so already, they may be more interested in getting married, and perhaps having children at some point. And definitely the odds of doing so are better if the person you’re dating is also in that same mindset. In most cases guys who are tipping forty are more likely to be in the family way than ones who are still playing the role of the party animal.

But considering you’ve already stated your goals—keeping unfettered, and dating men who think likewise—you have every right to say to your gal pals: “Thanks for worrying about me, but I’ve got things under control . . .”

Which is a nice way of saying that your goals may be different from theirs.

At the same time, be honest with yourself as to whether the choices you’re making now reflect what you want out of life in the long run. If not, then the sooner you get honest with yourself as to what that is, the sooner you can make the necessary changes to start living the life you were meant to live–with a guy who thinks like you do, no matter what age he may be.

Got a question? Email Josie here…


Josie Brown, SMW’s relationship editor, is the author of two snarky Hollywood novels: Impossibly Tongue-Tied, and True Hollywood Lies. She is also co-author, along with her husband Martin, of Marriage Confidential: 102 Honest Answers to the Question Every Husband Wants to Ask, and Every Wife Needs to Know.