Should You Rebound to Your Ex? When the Answer is Yes–and When It’s No

By Josie Brown

It broke your heart when he left. When you finally got over the breakup, you realized it was the best for both of you.

So, now that he’s knocking on your door, why do you feel the overwhelming urge to let him back into your life?

Well, that depends—on both of you.  Beyond the fantasy that some great make-up sex is enticing, is he back for good, or just for another swing through some emotional revolving door?

Here’s a breakdown on how, when and why it might work—or not:

It’s a NO, if . . .

1. Your life has gotten more complicated.
A change of careers. A life-changing experience. More family responsibilities. Any of these would give you a new set of goals, and a different  perspective on your life. Unless he’s willing to jump in head first and go with your flow, accept his friendship—without the bedroom bennies.

2. Either of you are rebounding (again) with someone else.
If you’ve gone through another breakup, then the devil you know is better than the one(s) you don’t, right?

Wrong. Just because you chose made another mistake shouldn’t make his absence grow any fonder in your heart. What is should do is make you more cautious with whom you fall in love.

3.  Nothing has really changed with him.
If you were to look at things objectively, the telltale signs that he was wrong for you were all there, to be sure.  Maybe he wouldn’t commit. Or maybe he was less caring than you. Or less romantic. Or maybe he was too needy. Or he’d rather hang with his buddies than with you.

So, ask yourself: Now that he’s back, what exactly has changed?

If the answer is “Um…Not much” then don’t open that door again.

The answer is YES, if . . .

1. He’s done some growing on his own.
Has some incident caused him to re-evaluate where he is in his life? Does this process include reconnecting with you, asking your take on what went wrong, and taking your answers to heart? If so, he’s taking some serious steps toward getting back in your good graces. Maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt.

2. He’s ready to work on the relationship.
All of a sudden you’re the most important thing in his life. That’s right: not his job, not his buddies, but YOU. When you call, he’s there. When you don’t, he misses you. Best yet, he comes looking for you. If he’s putting in the time, make room in your life for him again.

3. He’s not just paying lip service to his new vow.
You see it in his actions as well as his words. And when the something happens to test the new him—he comes through with flying colors. Guess what? He’s earned your respect. Reward him with your love and trust, too.


Josie Brown is’s  Relationships channel editor.

She is also the author of SECRET LIVES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES,, soon to be a dramatic television series on ABC, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.



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