The Spice of Life: Spank Me, Make Me Write Bad Checks…
By Josie Brown
For some reason, my new boyfriend has it in his mind that he’d like to bring a paddle into our sex play and experiment with erotic spank. Up until now, it’s been fairly tame: lots of foreplay, some role playing (he loves it when I dress up like a little girl, or a dominatrix), and sometimes we spice things up by making love in unusual places. But now that he wants to introduce a little pain, I’m having second thoughts. I mean, he promises to keep it gentle, but I know he can get carried away. I’ve seen it happen before. Should I stand firm—or just shut-up, grin and ‘bare’ it? —Pam S., Cupertino, CA
This letter merits a Spice of Life column, don’t you think? Yeah, I did too.
In the cloistered universe of B/D/S/M (a.k.a., Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism), spankers live in their own not so little world. Certainly it straddles (pun intended) all four dungeons of pain.
The first test of any submissive (that’s your role in his new fantasy) is saying yes. The second is whether the experience gives her—or him, as the case may be—as much pleasure as it’s giving the spanker.
Some of the fun happens before the main event: it’s the scenario you build together as to why the spanking is taking place in the first place. It usually goes something like this:
FADE IN ON: Lights off, but candles and fire lit:
Spankee: “Dear, why are the lights out?”
Spanker: “Well, Honey, it seems that someone forgot to pay the electric bill. Guess who that someone might be?
Spankee (All wide-eyed and not-so-innocent): “Oops! Sorry, dear, I guess I forgot… again!” (Note to reader: There is always an “again.” It shows deliberate negligence on the Spankee’s part, therefore justifying her “just desserts.”)
Spanker (Somewhat peeved); “Darn it, Honey, that’s the third bill this month that you’ve forgotten. Do you know what that means?”
Spankee: “I think so: That I’ve been a bad li’l girl?”
Spanker: “Yes. But not just bad. VERY bad. VERY, VERY bad. And do you know what happens to bad li’l girls?”
Spankee, lips trembling in anticipation: “No. Tell me.”
(Another Note: The verbal dissertation, now given by the Spanker, can be just as erotic as the physical contact—if done well. And by George Clooney. However, Mr. Clooney is not always available to expound on what he would want to do to bad li’ls girls. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a decent substitute. Otherwise, just close your eyes and hope for the best…)
The utensil of choice says a lot about the spanker. There are as many shapes, sizes, weights, and textures of paddles as there are days of the year. True connoisseurs of the sport have a wide selection. And if he’s a gentleman, he’ll let you choose your poison.
And your position.
But then again, he’s not a gentleman to begin with, or you’d be doing the spanking.
More experienced spankers know to start out gently. Each smack is delivered slowly, and with an increasing amount of pain. Where he spanks—say, one cheek versus the other, or closer to the vagina, or even the upper thigh—will deliver its own pleasure (or painful) sensation. And if he’s really into the game, he’ll warn you about what you’ll feel, before you feel it. Anticipation is the best part, don’t you agree?
You also may want to dress up (or more likely, down) for the occasion: the participants sometimes come up with an excuse for you to be in a tiny skirt or tight short-shorts.
Should you wear anything underneath? You may think he won’t want you to, but guess what? More than likely he’ll enjoy yanking/twisting/tearing/chewing off what flimsy silk lies between you and his paddle/hand/cat-o-ninetails/substitute for his less-than-adequate organ.
So here’s the big question: Do you really wanna do this? If so, go for it. It may be that little something that was missing in your previous passion play.
If you don’t—and all of this scares the bejeezus out of you, then do yourself a favor: come up with a “safety” word. Something that sounds like: “If you do that again, I’ll call the police on you. Or get my Daddy to shoot you in the groin.”
At that point, I’m guessing he’ll stop.
Want some more Spice of Life? Click here…
The “M” Word. (No, Not “Men,” but Masturbation…”)
The Spice of Life: Rethinking Your Mile High Club Hijinks
Dudes, or Dildos? Sex Toys and Your Sex Life