Tick Tock: How to Stop Your Biological Clock from Wrecking Your Love Life
By Elina Furman
It never fails: Ask any guy about his top complaint about single women and he’ll invariably point to the biological clock. While you may think that the ticking is only audible to yourself, you’d be surprised that men can hear it loud and clear.
While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to settle down and start a family, it’s not uncommon for many of us to get ahead of ourselves and end sabotaging our chances for getting what we want. There’s a million and one ways our biological clocks prematurely reveal our urgency to settle down. Here’s how to avoid doing just that.
Stay in the Present
It’s all too easy to start imagining your date wearing overalls, diapering the baby, and getting you tropical drinks on a luxury honeymoon to Bali. But if you’re always focusing on the future, you might miss the great (and important) stuff going on in the present. Most men can sense when you’re not in the here and now. While your mind is wandering, he will feel that something is missing and question why you’re not making a stronger connection. Even more importantly, if you’re always thinking about the future you won’t be present enough to accurately assess the person in front of you. After all, this is the time when you should be analyzing how compatible you are with your date not fantasizing about what kind of father he’ll be.
He’s a Man, Not “Husband Material”
While most women complain about feeling objectified, you’d be surprised to find out that men experience the same thing. But instead of being seen as sexual objects, they are considered marital objects. Like you, men want to be appreciated for their unique qualities beyond their sperm count and income. They want you to get to know them as a person and come to appreciate their quirks and good qualities (sarcastic wit and ability to spell backwards) before you begin to see them as a potential life partner. After all, who could blame them?
Sometimes we’re not aware of our words until it’s too late. Men can sense when you’re fishing for information, like when you asked about his relationship history or if he has any nephews. One too many questions like that and he’s bound to realize you’re sizing him up as a potential partner. And while it’s all too tempting to hint around in search of the answers you need, try to let him bring up sensitive issues like past relationships so you don’t come off like a roving reporter.
Get a Life
Look, no one’s saying you shouldn’t have life goals such as like family and children. But being overly consumed by any one goal, whether it be making lots of money or getting that promotion, is never a good idea since other aspects of your life may suffer in the process. A balanced life requires that you nurture not only your love life but also your personal life. So if you’ve been spending too much time obsessing about your love live or lack thereof, the imbalance will come through. On the other hand, if you maintain your interest in friendships and hobbies, you’ll strike just the right note.
Push Back the Clock
While the average woman used to get married and have babies much earlier, today’s biological clock, or at least our response to it, has been delayed considerably. With medical advances and our careers taking on more importance, many women are having babies well into their late 30s and 40s. That’s why it’s important that you realign your expectations as to the proper age to settle down. One way to do that is to look to today’s celebrities. Once you realize that many stars like Salma Hayak, Julia Roberts, and even Geena Davis (who had twins at 48) are waiting to have babies until much later, you will realize that the biological clock — while still a medical reality — is not something you should base your whole life around.
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