Top 5 Questions to Ask After Divorce, Before Dating
By Lee Block
The papers are signed, sealed and delivered. Does that mean it is time to date? Divorce is not a one size fits all proposition, so only you can know what you are ready to date, and because every person is different when it comes to getting back on the proverbial post-divorce dating horse, there are some questions you can ask yourself before jumping back in the saddle.
1. Are you still questioning your divorce?
If you are still spending time grieving over your marriage, feeling sorry for yourself for being divorce, yearning for your ex spouse or not able to let go of the past to move into the future, you are NOT ready to date. For years you have relied on your spouse for so many things. They were your “go to” person in life. Now you have to get to a place where you are your own “go to” person. It is important to know that you can depend on yourself before depending on someone else again.
2. Have you said good bye to the marriage?
This means that you have put it to rest and no longer feel that is the place you should be in your life. Until you have put it to rest, you can’t move forward in another relationship. You need to be able to get to a point in time where you don’t feel sad about the loss of your marriage, but happy about the opportunity to be reborn. When you get to that place, you are ready to date.
3. What are your passions?
Being married and being re-singled are very different. You need to know what your passions are and what makes you tick. For so long you were busy ticking along as a unit. Now is the time to spread your wings and figure out what makes you happy. Try to think about those things that you always loved but perhaps gave up because your significant other didn’t love them also. Start to do them again. Do something every single day that makes you happy. It isn’t selfish; it is part of healing and finding your new life.
4. Do you have a plan for yourself?
In other words, do you have your finances, emotions, job and routine worked out? Being a single or a single parent is so difficult when you are used to being part of a unit. Before you become another part of a unit, make sure you have all your plans in place and working well. You will feel more settled and ready to take on dating.
5. Who are you?
Knowing who you are, as opposed to who you want or wish to be, is the biggest step to take before dating again. When you know who you are, you will be able to find your own personal truth and love yourself. Loving yourself will help you attract happier and healthier people into your life because you are happier and healthier, and then when you do start to date, you will find someone who will love you for who you are, and not try to change the you that you have found again. Healing after divorce is a process and because healing is difficult enough, don’t throw dating into the mix until you are ready.
Lee Block is a multi-talented, twice divorced mom of two who saw a need in the post-divorce community and created a family of sites centered on fulfilling that need. Lee has successfully launched The Post-Divorce Chronicles, Lee Block.Com, and The Post-Divorce Dating Club all within a matter of months. Lee also writes for the Huffington Post and was recently recognized by Startup Nation as a Leading Mom in Business in 2011.
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