Public Proposals: With This Ring I Thee Get Publicity
By Josie Brown
Goodbye, band of gold. Another “Bachelor” couple has called it splits.
Is anyone surprised? Not even the millions of women who watched “The Bachelor” last year could believe that gosh-dee-yaddily-googily pilot, Jake Pavelka, and his chosen one, Vienna Girardi, were meant to last.
The show’s mediocre ratings proved that.
Does Vienna get to keep the ring? Hardly. The ring, designed by celebrity-favored jeweler Neil Lane, is property of the show’s producer Warner Brothers — as were all the other rings that were accepted, rejected or returned throughout the many seasons of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette.”
So why do these couple go through with these public proposals?
My guess: for the publicity. If it can further their public exposure, what’s a break-up or (if you go whole hog, a) divorce between friends with benefits?
Frankly, celebrity is the last reason to get married, not the first.
Which brings me to my five reasons to reject a proposal…
Reason #1. He’s rushing you. It’s been a whirlwind courtship–too fast for you to catch your breath, let alone assess your feelings. Yes, love at first sight is possible. But our high divorce rates prove that second thoughts are more the norm, so take your time in learning all you can about this guy before saying “I do”.
Reason #2. He isn’t who he claims to be. He’s trying so hard to win you over that he “inflates” his own self-worth to impress you. If you catch him doing that too often, then take the hint: his lying is habitual. Worse yet, it’s covering something up. Time to do your homework (a background check). Relationships are built on honesty. If he can’t tell the truth, time to move on.
Reason #3. When you get him out of the sack, you find him annoying. Physical attraction is always a great thing. But it isn’t the only thing. I’m guessing Jake and Vienna had a lot of sexual chemistry. As to whether that translated into the other 23 hours they’d spend together . . .well, the proof is in the break-up.
Reason #4. You don’t come first in his life. If he’s willing to put his family ahead of you, expect that to be par for the course the rest of your life. If he’s a workaholic, unless you can fill your time with your own pursuits while he’s on the road, you’re on a path to loneliness. To make a relationship work, both of you have to keep everything in perspective–including the time and effort it takes to make your relationship work. In other words, your first and foremost priority is to each other.
Reason #5. You’re just not that into him. Yes, he’s a sweetie–and in the eyes of your friends and family, so TOTALLY a Mr. Right. But if you’re not feeling the love, then he’s not Mr. Right for you — at least, not now.
What do you think should happen to the ring, now that it’s off Vienna’s finger? Leave you comment below! All comments will be entered into a contest for a copy of THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT.
Josie Brown is SingleMindedWomen.com’s Relationship Channel Editor, and co-author, with her husband Martin, of THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT, the perfect self-help manual for your BFF (…okay, and for you, too).
Look for Josie’s third novel, SECRET LIVES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES, is in bookstores and at Target now.