Why You’re NOT Having Sex—and 12 Things You Can Do About It

By Josie Brown

NakedIf you go by what you see on TV, or what you read on the surveys posted in gossip magazines and online dating services, we should be having sex as often as we brush our teeth. But Hollywood and Madison Avenue aside, seriously now:

When was the last time you had sex?

Job and money stress. Weight gain. Depression. A romance gone with the wind, or maybe just a sub-par love life in general. Whatever the reason for your sexless state, you’re not alone. According to some recent research, a low sex drive affects fully one-third of all adult females.

Then again, maybe the problem isn’t just yours, but his, too. Recently a British medical journal stated that low sexual desire is actually more common in men than in women, providing such reasons as personal issues, stress and depression as to why his bedside manner may be lacking.

If that doesn’t make you cry, maybe this will: nearly one out of five couples are having sex fewer than 10 times a year.

And if you’re over forty-five, there is a one-in-three chance that you’re only making love 4 times a year.

Well, maybe it’s time to quit grousing, and start arousing. Sexuality is supposed to be an integral part of our lives. But neglected long enough, it can wilt just as surely as a potted plant. Want to get back the sexual spark? Here are 12 ways to put you in the mood again:

1. First of All, Break the Routine

Einstein used to say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing, and expecting a different result.  Maybe it’s time you got sane about your sex life. If all you’re doing is whining about it—that there are no good men, or that he’s not romantic enough, or that you haven’t had sex in eons, then here’s a suggestion: DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. And make it something you’ve never done before.  It’s your life, so take control.

2. Next, Start Pumping Iron

Have you ever noticed that you not only look your best, but you feel your best, too, when you’re buff? That’s because a healthy body is a sexy body. So if you want to find your libido, go to the gym. Start slow, with a few yoga or stretching classes. On alternate days, do a cardio workout, treadmill, bike, steps, or one of many other choices. Don’t forget your crunches, and free weights. A better body is a better you.

3. Get a Slut Cut

You always feel pretty after you visit your hair salon, right? Schedule your next appointment now. But instead of the same color or cut, go for something more dramatic—and even out of character.  Remember: Your only as sexy as you look.

4. Make Love, Not War

When you were younger, you were proud of your bad attitude. But have you noticed lately that the reaction to it now is an under-the-breath mutter? Admit it: as the years have slipped past, you’ve gone from being a “saucy minx” to being a “bossy bitch.”

Perhaps it’s time to change tactics. Since men don’t like put-downs, follow that old Southern motto—“You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”—and you’ll have more men hovering at your beck-and-call than you know what do with.

massage5. Get a Massage

The best way to get back in touch with your body is to have someone else do it first. Nothing feels as good as having an experienced pair of hands roaming your body, reminding you how wonderful every inch of you can feel.

6. Look That Man Right In the Eye

Your eyes are the most expressive part of you. From them others feel the depth of your soul. With them, you flirt. But if you’re too shy to make eye contact, how will he know you’re interested? Don’t be afraid to gaze!

7. Dress Up to Get Down

A new pair of shoes. a see-through blouse. Or, pull a Bridget Jones and let your little black skirt do all the talking. Adding a few new pieces to your wardrobe will not only change your look, but your mood, too.

pic38. Trim Your Trim

Seriously, there is nothing sexier than a Brazilian. Well, okay, maybe a Telly Savalas. Feeling baby-smooth (and then going commando) puts you in the mood for some hot luvin’—and it shows. (In your attitude, that is…)

9. I Think Sexy, Therefore I Am Sexy

Some of the sexiest women on earth weren’t what you’d call “easy on the eye.” Cleopatra for one. Madame Du Barry for another. Need a more recent example? Cher is not a classic beauty, and neither is Sarah Jessica Parker. And yet every one of these women exudes a sexiness that has made her an icon and a sex symbol. What do they have that you don’t? How about a sexy attitude?  Go ahead, try one on for size . . .

10. To be Erotic, Go Exotic

Leave your comfort zone, your ’hood, puts your mind in a whole different place, not to mention your body. It’s also a great way to leave your inhibitions behind. You know what they say: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Another way to put it is: “a change of scenery could do you a world of good.”

11. Time for an Ex-Change Operation

The man in your life winces when you suggest going out. Or maybe he makes you the butt of jokes in public. Or he’s always putting down your ideas, dreams, and goals. Honey, the writing is on the wall: he’s not at your side, but holding you back. And guess what? There are other options out there. Maybe it’s time you considered them . . .

12. Use It or Lose It

Your vagina is a muscle. It needs a workout, just like the others in your body. And the more you do, the more you’ll want sex—and the more determine


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