The Single Woman’s Anti-Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

Here we go again. Another year, another Valentine’s Day, and another torturous evening of watching smug loved-up coworkers brag about their cookie bouquets and red roses before setting off to feast on steak for two and make love on petal-strewn sheets. Blech. Being single, your big plans for the evening include a Hot Pocket, a bottle of rose (no glass necessary), and the nagging feeling that you’ll die alone.

Oh, snap out of it. Valentine’s Day isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and anyway, being single doesn’t mean you can’t mark the occasion in your own special way. Instead of squeezing yourself into Frederick of Hollywood’s, er, finest or spitting out the lemon-filled chocolates from your heart-shaped box, lavish yourself with a love token or two. Or, if you’d rather, show Cupid who’s boss with the love-stinks gear below. Hey, we’ve all got to get through the day somehow…

Because You’re Worth It

Om Delight Spa: Why subject yourself to a cheesy night of accordion serenades and heart-shaped chicken cutlets when you can indulge in a heavenly bubble bath? Increase the indulgence with this blissful—and organic!—set featuring a soy aromatherapy candle, body polish and creamy lotion.

The Ah Ring from Divine Diamonds: Bring on the bling! This glittering diamond pinky ring was created by designer Ruta Fox just for single, available (A) and happy (h) women.

Dahl & Dane I Heart Me Tee: These custom tees from “Project Runway” alum Alison Kelly and her boyfriend are meant to advertise your true love. We say, show yourself some love.

Giftybox Spa for Women Set: Hello, spa day! Use this certificate towards a treatment at your choice of 130-plus spas nationwide. SPECIAL SMW SAVINGS: Save $10 on your Giftybox with code: MYVALENTINE2009

Lodis Temptation Passport Holder…and a Ticket to Anywhere: Why not use this grim holiday as an excuse to get away? Okay, so Paris might be a bad idea, but there’s no reason you can’t have the time of your life—and maybe meet a hot foreign stranger?—in an exotic locale. This metallic embossed passport cover will get you there in style.

Bittersweets Conversation Hearts: Be Mine? Forget it. These candy hearts—choose from Dumped, Dejected, and Dysfunctional—are imprinted with such heartwarming bons mots as: SETTLE 4LESS, USED U 4 FUN, and FORGET WE MET.

Delia’s Love is for Suckers Tee: Guaranteed to set tongues wagging.

D’lish Love Stinks Sleep Shirt: Bitter? Maybe. But comfy? Yes, yes, yes. The only downside? It may conjure up memories of a certain regrettable French Stewart film.

Vanity Design Anti-Valentine’s Day Pendant: Air your Cupid-related grievances via this sassy Scrabble tile pendant.

Maybe You Should Die Mean Bags: Dealing with unresolved issues over your ex and the Heidi Klum lookalike he dumped you for? Perhaps lobbing an embroidered ‘Jerkface’ pillow at his head during their dessert isn’t the most mature move, but you’ll surely feel better. Until the cops come, of course.

Just for Fun

Fred Flare’s Magic Frog to Prince Kit: Here’s a fun little pressie for that single gal pal. Dunk this foamy frog in water and watch as it transforms into a prince. If only real life were like that…

The Color of Joy: A Coloring Book for Women: Bust out the crayons and indulge your inner artiste with Allyson Rice’s grown-up-geared inspirational coloring book.

Mamma Mia! The Movie: Step away from the Notting Hill. Instead, opt for this guilty pleasure flick full of rousing ABBA numbers, feel-good fun, and a message that it’s okay to put love on hold for a while.

How to Love Like a Hot Chick: The Girlfriend to Girlfriend Guide to Getting the Love You Deserve: Written by Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent, this self-help tome embraces the art of being single, while doling out tips on recognizing real love.

Carpool Kenny: So what if you don’t have a date? The other drivers won’t be the wiser as you whiz by them in the HOV lane with this little inflatable guy by your side. The best part: He doesn’t snore and has never heard of SportsCenter.