Duchess Digest: 3 Steps to Sweet Nothing

By Jill Brown

Alaska SerentiyHindsight may be 20/20, but life can only be lived forward. There are times in every woman’s life where she may look back and regret, or look forward and wish. Because the truth is, we all go through times of “nothing,” where nothing is happening in the moment and we wish the next thing was here (career opportunity, relationship, vacation, etc.). Or we wonder about how we got here. Were you right to leave that job? Did you make the right decision ending that relationship? I find that the lulls in life, the “nothings” are the hardest part. It’s not the high peaks or the lowest valleys that find me wondering, it’s the periods of ambiguity.

These moments are like the eye of the storm, the calm, the deep inhale before life expands out again. They can be challenging to wait out, because often these are the times when you want to overanalyze the decisions that got you here, or spin your wheels trying to force things to happen again. And that’s usually when the trouble begins, because the mind will do anything to not have to sit in the moment and relax. Most minds don’t like ambiguity and can’t get comfortable in the silence of a stress and drama-free existence.

I know because I’m the champion of freaking out of life’s lulls. That’s when my mind goes into hyper drive to not have to be where it is: here, now.

If you can relate, then read on. While I’m no Eckhart Tolle, I have found that like everything in life, the more you practice, the more you can at least get a little better. So here are three steps for transforming moments of anxiety into “sweet nothings.”

Step One: Recognize.

Be aware and notice when your mind is freaking out. For me, I usually do really well with my initial decisions and jump right in. Then it seems like about 4 to 6 weeks into them, the freaking out begins. “Holy crud, I just moved to Alaska!” or “Did I make the right job decision?” It’s easy to overanalyze. Trust yourself. Trust your decisions. And when your mind starts to overanalyze, recognize this is the anxiety of the lull. Once you notice, pause (you can control your mind!) and move to step two.

Step Two: Repeat.

It doesn’t matter what your beliefs are; a mantra helps anyone. Find one that works for you to calm your mind. The repetition is relaxing, reinforcing and helps you regain control of your mind. You can stop the team of wild horses driving the anxiety forward. Recognize the team of horses is running toward the cliff of destruction, and pull back on the reins by slowing the team with your mantra.  One I’ve found useful from Dr. Wayne Dyer, is “I am connected to God and I am going to turn this moment over to Him, because I don’t know how to deal with it myself.”

Step Three: Refuse.

Repeat your mantra, whatever is uplifting and encouraging to you, over and over as long and as often as you need, but refuse to let yourself sink back into the doldrums. The mind will run wild and drive you nuts until you recognize it’s ruling you, and you stop and take the time to repeat your mantra. Keep busy, not with tasks, but with things that make you happy. Paint, draw, write, ice skate, walk – do whatever it is that fulfills you, repeat your mantra, and refuse to let your mind rule you.

Every women experiences lulls in her life, but you have the power to sit in the present moment and experience it without freaking out. You can control your mind, you can train yourself to only see what you’re grateful for and you can practice trusting yourself. Trust your decision, trust your goodness and repeat your mantra when your mind starts to gallop ahead of you. You can transform moments of the unknown, into enjoyable moments of sweet nothings.

Jill BrownJill Brown is an Anchorage, Alaska based writer and blogger. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to sharing the ups and downs of life in Alaska. For more on The Duchess Guide or Jill visit: http://theduchessguide.com/

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