Single Minded Women - women's family - The Attachment Connection: What Single Moms Need to Know

Latest in SINGLE MOMS

FEATURE ARTICLES
Matt, Liz and Madeline Logelin Charity Gift Registry Single Minded Moms: Routines and Realities...a Single Dad's Perspective Single Minded Moms: The Single Mom's 10 Commandments, Part 2
full archive

WEEKLY COLUMNS
Messy Single Moms: Here's How to Clean Up Your Act! Single Moms Get Smart about Insurance:Tips That Make a Big Difference Raising a Fatherless Boy: What Single Moms Need to Know
full archive

ASK THE EXPERTS
Ask Dr. Susan Bartell: When Your Child Acts Out Top 25 Cost Savers for Single Moms Practical Answers for Single Moms Raising Kids on the Autism Spectrum
full archive

COMMUNITY FORUMS

LATEST POST

Pick of the Month: Eat This Not That For Kids!

They have healthier alternatives in kids meals now...like fruit and milk. :)

WEEKLY COLUMN

The Attachment Connection: What Single Moms Need to Know
SMW Single Mom’s Parenting Tips & Resources
By Ruth P. Newton, Ph.D., updated 9/20/2008 at 7:11:00 PM

Your child's secure attachment to you is incredibly important for his/her future. And single mothers can certainly raise secure children.

Through real life stories, the Attachment Connection tries to help parents become more aware of how parent sensitivity to their child's interior world of feeling has everything to do with attachment, emotional regulation, and healthy brain development.

In fact, I wrote the Attachment Connection to bring all parents important information about raising secure children as there is now considerable evidence showing that secure children have something that insecure children don't: they are more confident, enthusiastic, have more friends, are less angry and anxious, and are more persistent in learning. Secure children are also more empathetic, more respectful, and more emotionally regulated than insecure children. And most people know that parents have a lot to do with secure attachment in children because security comes out of the parent/child relationship.

The key is attunement. Attunement to your child's internal world of feeling that is expressed through her body in facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, touch, and voice is incredibly important for laying a secure foundation. This nonverbal bodyworld language requires parent sensitivity to not only the physical needs of a child but his emotional needs as well.

This of course means that parents are attuned enough to their own emotions to be able to react with sensitivity to their child's feelings. Secure attachment however doesn't mean a life without the typical ups and downs of early childhood; it means a life where emotions and feelings are expressed, worked out, and valued.

For most parents in today's world, finding time to “do it all” is problematic, but for single moms, this is especially true. For single moms, a strong reliable support system is absolutely a must because you are functioning as the sole primary caregiver. Serious thought needs to be given to your own support while you raise your children. Finding your right people to be there for you and your kids is critical.

Here are some thoughts about helping single mothers raise securely attached children:

There will be times when you wonder, “Why did I do this?” This is normal. But what it generally means is you need some adult time. This might mean getting a pedicure, having a night out with a friend, or getting some exercise. You will feel better about everything when you have gas in your own tank so focusing on what you need to stay emotionally regulated yourself cannot be overly empathized.

Routines create order. And single moms who are working, dropping kids off at childcare, picking up, feeding dinner, and doing bedtime routines often feel chaos creeping in the door. Children are creative and have many ideas they want to share with you. Finding a time to talk together after dinner and bath can be very satisfying for both mom and child as a bedtime routine. It can also give you a time to wind-down yourself and find your mother feelings after a hard day. I refer to this transition as finding your own right mind after an intense left-brain day.

Play together, plop on the sofa or floor together, or talk about an upcoming family event. Shifting into play on a regular basis is what makes all of us feel refreshed. Regular “right-brain shifts” will bring more vitality to you and your family.

Because children are in the process of development, much can be done to correct problems before they develop into real concerns. The Attachment Connection gives many examples of typically and atypically developing children and their families focusing on the first five years of life. I offer many ways for parents to promote secure attachment in infants, toddlers, and preschoolers, even in difficult moments. I also focus on the overall health of the family system.

As previously stated, there are many desirable benefits in raising secure children. But one of the real jewels is it makes parenting easier overall!

Other Single Minded Women Articles You Might Enjoy:

Book Shelf: Top 5 Books for Single Women

Single Moms Reinvent Yourself on the Weekends When Your Kids Are Away!
SMW Asks Lori Gottlieb; What are Your Successful Single Mom Secrets?

Ruth P. Newton, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in attachment and affect regulation in the developing child. She is also the supervising psychologist for Child and Mental Health Services at St. Vincent de Paul Village, a homeless rehabilitation center in downtown San Diego, and a training supervisor for master and doctoral-level interns. Newton is on the advisory board for the Attachment Institute at the University of California, San Diego, and is a member of the Technical and Professional Advisory Committee for the First 5 Commission of San Diego, an organization that funds programming for children five years of age and younger and their families. She works with children and adults in a private practice in La Jolla, CA, and is a longtime consultant for SAY San Diego’s Extended Day Childcare program. She is a contributing author to Reader's Guide to Affect Regulation and Neurobiology and Play Therapy for Very Young Children.

Recent Forum Postings.

No Forum Entries Found.

Read the entire forum here

FEATURED SPECIAL OFFERS

Parenting Extras

Promotions, sweepstakes, and contests from Parenting and its advertisers all in one place.

see more special offers